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What would you do if you knew someone was cheating?

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  • What would you do if you knew someone was cheating?

    Its a super long story and I'll be happy to answer any questions anyone might have for clarification buuuuuut...

    Very long story short: I liked a girl. We were hanging out and talking. I asked her out. She non commitally said yes, but it never happened. She didn't tell me for months and finally said she wasnt interested in dating because we were coworkers. I asked her why she didnt just tell me originally. She said she had still wanted to go out with me and wasnt sure how to answer. Also found out she was involved with someone else by this point, so I wished her well and moved on to start seeing someone else myself. Continued to be friends with her because I dont wanna treat someone differently just because we're not dating. Come to find out she was getting herself involved in my business with my relationship, but then going around and telling coworkers that I was continuing to pester her about dating, even tho I was with someone else and backed away from her, it was her that continued to keep herself entangled with me. Well after months of her causing problems for me, and talking bad about me around work, I come to find out the guy she is seeing is married. I dont know the wife, but I have connections to her and could contact her and tell her very easily. But I'm also an outsider who she doesnt know who would be getting involved in her marriage. And my motivations would be for petty reasons, to get back at this person who has caused so much drama and problems for me. So I feel like as much as I'd love to get back at these people, it's not my place to step in. But it's also been suggested to me that the wife deserves to know her husband is cheating on her, and I just happen to be the person who knows. So while I'm heavily leaning towards just staying out of it, theres that part of me that's still considering if I should.

  • #2
    Don't retaliate. Don't get involved. This is your co-worker's problem, not yours. She is the one who is responsible for dealing with harsh consequences someday; not you.

    As for you though, have a lengthy discussion with this co-worker and request her to stop spreading rumors about you. If she continues to gossip behind your back, perhaps you can contact HR about this trouble maker. Remain gracious all the time.

    The bad part of me suggests that you blackmail her but perhaps this isn't good. Tell your co-worker that you'll reveal to the guy's wife about her affair with a married man IF she does not cease bad mouthing you behind your back. Perhaps you can strike a deal. If she continues to bad mouth you, then you'll let the cat out of the bag. If she stops bad mouthing you, then you'll remain mum. Ultimately, the choice is yours though. Going this route can get you into trouble so perhaps it isn't a good idea. She can retaliate and get even uglier than she's behaving now and make gossip about you even worse.

    I'd try to have a mature conversation first.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by am529 View Post
      Its a super long story and I'll be happy to answer any questions anyone might have for clarification buuuuuut...

      Very long story short: I liked a girl. We were hanging out and talking. I asked her out. She non commitally said yes, but it never happened. She didn't tell me for months and finally said she wasnt interested in dating because we were coworkers. I asked her why she didnt just tell me originally. She said she had still wanted to go out with me and wasnt sure how to answer. Also found out she was involved with someone else by this point, so I wished her well and moved on to start seeing someone else myself. Continued to be friends with her because I dont wanna treat someone differently just because we're not dating. Come to find out she was getting herself involved in my business with my relationship, but then going around and telling coworkers that I was continuing to pester her about dating, even tho I was with someone else and backed away from her, it was her that continued to keep herself entangled with me. Well after months of her causing problems for me, and talking bad about me around work, I come to find out the guy she is seeing is married. I dont know the wife, but I have connections to her and could contact her and tell her very easily. But I'm also an outsider who she doesnt know who would be getting involved in her marriage. And my motivations would be for petty reasons, to get back at this person who has caused so much drama and problems for me. So I feel like as much as I'd love to get back at these people, it's not my place to step in. But it's also been suggested to me that the wife deserves to know her husband is cheating on her, and I just happen to be the person who knows. So while I'm heavily leaning towards just staying out of it, theres that part of me that's still considering if I should.
      Seems like just smoke and mirrors. Just leave her alone. If you know you've done nothing wrong most of your coworkers will see right through her. As for the woman you're currently seeing: if she's worth her salt she'll stick with you and see what your work place really is.

      As for your career, this should be your number one priority at this point but I find it strange that you're more interested in petty relationships and office gossip. Get out of this toxic company and find a better employer. Put this behind you and next time be a better judge of character.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by am529 View Post
        I'm also an outsider who she doesnt know who would be getting involved in her marriage.

        my motivations would be for petty reasons

        it's not my place to step in
        This ^^

        Don't stoop to her level. It will only make you look petty and meddling in front of all your colleagues when they inevitably find out.
        Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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        • #5
          She tried to ruin your career by spreading lies. Do you understand that management could have fired you for sexual harassment? She has a screw lose. So don't poke the bear. If she lies after you don't date her I can only imagine what hell she will cause if you upend her relationship.

          Never speak to her alone ever. Always have witnesses so she can't sabotage your career

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