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Closure but still some frustration

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  • Closure but still some frustration

    So finally after a couple of weeks of silence and confusion I got answers to what happened in my breakup. Our relationship seemed to end kind of suddenly. It was so good for the majority, we had no problems and then he pulled away, I pushed for answers and, the end. I wanted closure and I didn't really get it. Eventually after weeks of leaving it alone, I got the courage and I sent a message explaining how I felt about the whole thing. It was the best thing I ever did, to get it out there. And I actually got a reply. Which I did not expect - that is not why I sent the message. He sent me a message explaining he was sorry he hurt me. Which has helped me heal. He also acknowledged he had feelings for me, and still thinks highly of me, and that he saw that I was developing feelings for him, but felt our relationship together all happened and went too quick (which it did). It is like he got scared, scared of something serious. He apparently didn't want me to grow stronger feelings for him or for him to develop stronger feelings for me - he didn't want anyone to get hurt and he doesn't think he wants a relationship right now. At the time of reading it, it felt like a poor excuse but after reflecting what happened and his character I think he did get scared.

    I am glad I got some closure, and that he can see how his actions hurt me. Yet I am finding it slightly frustrating that he can admit he had feelings for me, and still does to some extent, but is too scared and unwilling to do anything about it. From my relationship with him I see that there are two very different desires he has - to be single, spending time with friends and protect himself from feelings - and to have someone and be a good partner to someone, he was a great partner. And I know nothing can happen because he is unwilling, has his own thing going on and I need to just move on. But annoying. Rationally, I see that I should move on with what has been said. But of course I still have feelings for him I still wish I could have him back and i'm not sure I can like another person so much. But. He threw it all away, and I'm still trying to get over how much I liked him.
    Last edited by QwertyAzerty; May 11th, 2018, 11:45 AM.

  • #2
    You got more than a lot of people get.
    Take it and consider yourself lucky.

    The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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    • #3
      I completely agree 100% with pistol above. Consider yourself lucky that you got a complete conversation and understanding out of it. The end result sucks, of course, but it sounded like he wasn't ready. I'm sorry about the breakup but this is probably for the best for the both of you.

      Cheers.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by QwertyAzerty View Post
        So finally after a couple of weeks of silence and confusion I got answers to what happened in my breakup. Our relationship seemed to end kind of suddenly. It was so good for the majority, we had no problems and then he pulled away, I pushed for answers and, the end. I wanted closure and I didn't really get it. Eventually after weeks of leaving it alone, I got the courage and I sent a message explaining how I felt about the whole thing. It was the best thing I ever did, to get it out there. And I actually got a reply. Which I did not expect - that is not why I sent the message. He sent me a message explaining he was sorry he hurt me. Which has helped me heal. He also acknowledged he had feelings for me, and still thinks highly of me, and that he saw that I was developing feelings for him, but felt our relationship together all happened and went too quick (which it did). It is like he got scared, scared of something serious. He apparently didn't want me to grow stronger feelings for him or for him to develop stronger feelings for me - he didn't want anyone to get hurt and he doesn't think he wants a relationship right now. At the time of reading it, it felt like a poor excuse but after reflecting what happened and his character I think he did get scared.

        I am glad I got some closure, and that he can see how his actions hurt me. Yet I am finding it slightly frustrating that he can admit he had feelings for me, and still does to some extent, but is too scared and unwilling to do anything about it. From my relationship with him I see that there are two very different desires he has - to be single, spending time with friends and protect himself from feelings - and to have someone and be a good partner to someone, he was a great partner. And I know nothing can happen because he is unwilling, has his own thing going on and I need to just move on. But annoying. Rationally, I see that I should move on with what has been said. But of course I still have feelings for him I still wish I could have him back and i'm not sure I can like another person so much. But. He threw it all away, and I'm still trying to get over how much I liked him.
        I'm sorry you're hurting post breakup. At least he replied to you, didn't ghost you and was completely truthful and honest with you. A lot of guys wouldn't have given you that much let alone the time of day to do even that! They would've simply ignored you and couldn't care less about how you feel afterwards. At least he is no longer a mystery to you. He replied to your message and explained how he felt. I'll give him that.

        A lot of guys don't want to get serious with a woman because they fear feeling "tied down" and they fear commitment whether married or not because perhaps they're afraid of failure. Or, that it might not work out, perhaps they're a product of divorce or observed a lot of failed relationships and / or marriages all around them. Most of all, for selfish reasons, they prefer their FREEDOM and don't want the maintenance of a relationship. It's too much work for them. The woman is always checking up on them, texting back 'n forth and for some guys, they feel that a serious relationship requires too much of their time, energy and resources. They feel that a woman is a ball and chain. Some guys only want the fun part of being with a woman but not the responsibility that goes with it.

        A good man is hard to find. Hopefully, in the future you will find an honorable man with serious intentions towards commitment whether it's a long term permanent relationship or marriage.

        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          I am fortunate to get closure.
          Good guys are hard to find and I thought I'd found one. I can see how conflicted he was in the end now. He wanted to be committed, to have someone dependable and be dependable, and at the start he only reflected this. He was fantastic for the majority, he went out of his way. But I think in the end he realised and saw how quickly it was getting really serious and got scared, paired with then thinking about how he also wants that single life with his mates and playing footy professionally and doesnt want anything in the way of that (not that I would have intentionally). And just pulled away.

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          • #6
            ....
            Last edited by Eight08guy; May 13th, 2018, 01:28 PM.

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