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The other girl

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  • The other girl

    Hi everyone, im here because im seriously in a tough situation and barely have anyone to talk to about it. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 yrs and have 3 wonderful kids. Our relationship is like any normal couple's relationship but as of late i have ran into a hurdle that I've never encountered before. Let me rewind a little bit, after being with my gf for the first couple of months i had just made a buddy that i would hang out with quite a bit at the time. He had a sister that was staying with him and we would all hang out together doing our little car hobbies which she turned out to be very much into. At the time it was just me there with my buddy and i would be talkng to his sister as friends and i guess over time i developed feelings for her. I had even contemplated leaving my gf to pursue her instead. Well i talked myself out of it and as it so happened me and my buddy stopped hanging out not so long after. Well the thought of her left as well and then she was in a relationship not too long after and i just let it go. I would still see her time to time with her bf and i would just have a little feeling of regret but nothing big.
    Well fast forward about 8 yrs later which is now and I'm at a new jobsite ( industrial contact work) and lo and behold I run into her! We end up being on the same job and immediately say hi to each other. Well right off the bat we hit it off just always looking for each other. After a week or so we end up telling each other how we truly feel for one another and now i have such a huge feeling of love lost.
    We end up meeting each other in the parking lot to talk everyday and then eventually it escalated up to us kissing.
    I know it sounds horrible of me and others may argue puppy love or infatuation but I am truly lost. I care for my gf very much but I just don't feel the love we had. The other thing though is I don't want to lose my kids but i don't want to be in a loveless relationship either. For sure though i would try my hardest to not be some dead beat dad if anything happens. I know i would still help as much as i could financially, at least half of every paycheck, as well as be with my kids every chance i could. In the end i dont know if even that would be enough to keep them from hating me when they grow older which is my worst fear.
    Thanks for reading and thanks for any advice in advance, please dont judge me too hard because I'm really confused on what to do, thanks guys.

  • #2
    It's hard not to judge you harshly. You made three children with a woman whom you did not marry. Now you're chasing after some infatuation and thinking of breaking up your home and your children's lives.

    You owe it to your children to give them a stable home. Get some marriage counseling and stop chasing this other 'girl'
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      The right thing that a MAN would do is cut things off with the old lust, who is willing to wreck families, and focus on making the relationship with the mother of his children into a vibrant and full one. That would include a legal commitment like marriage.

      A BOY would follow his heart, destroy the family he created and end up in the same place ten years down the line when, in the natural course of relationships, he found a lull in his “loving feelings”.

      What do you want to be when you grow up, man or boy?
      Last edited by Pollon; March 7th, 2018, 09:00 PM.


      • #4
        Thanks i understand what your saying, really that's what i need is some advice because like i said i really dont have anyone to talk to.


        • #5
          What do you think we just gave you? Bagels and cream cheese? I guess what you're looking for is someone to tell you to leave your family and go fulfill your fantasies. Wrong forum.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


          • #6
            That's what I'm saying, thank you for the advice that it really helps to get advice from someone. I was not rejecting it in any way


            • #7
              Your life is messy. First things first. You did everything backwards. First, if you're no longer in love with your girlfriend and after you've exhausted all other avenues such as professional counseling and working things out wit her, break it off with her while continuing to do the right thing as a father with child support. AFTER THAT, then pursue this new love interest of yours.

              However, if you truly care for your girlfriend as you say, then try your best to salvage your relationship with her, hopefully you can actually marry her and be committed to her permanently minus your wandering eye. They say the greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love, honor and respect their mother. You haven't.

              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


              • #8
                Have you and your wife talked about the state of your relationship? Is she happy with it? Has marriage been discussed?

                If you want specific advice on fixing your marriage, some more details would help.


                • #9
                  She seems off, untrustworthy and suspicious. The other woman. She fully knows you have three children and a girlfriend at home. I'm sure she has all the charms to woo you but I'd be very suspicious of a woman who is willing to throw another woman and her children under the bus while making out with an attached man. All she's doing is displaying her true colours and you are so blinded by her that you can't see through it. You certainly did grow to have terrible taste in women and that makes me also question every decision you've made that has led you up to this point from your ability to parent your children responsibly to respecting your current partner as she ought to have been(and should still) be respected. If you think this is harsh, wait until it all really starts to hit the fan and your children find out who you really are. Your priorities are upside down. If you're running away from something you should face it. If you never grew up, this might be the right time to start.


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Welderguy View Post
                    That's what I'm saying, thank you for the advice that it really helps to get advice from someone. I was not rejecting it in any way
                    Sorry I misunderstood.
                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


                    • #11
                      I care for my gf very much but I just don't feel the love we had.
                      Look, you're not going to have that new relation energy with anyone forever so stop mixing up the feelings of lust with the feelings of love. You do NOT love the 'sister' you are feeling new relationship energy and once that dissipates, which it will you will be thinking you don't "love" her like "we had" with her too.

                      Get your naive ass away from a woman that is so skanky that she would pursue you knowing that you are taken. Women who do that lack something in their selves and if you were stupid enough to break up your family and spend more then clandestine moments with "sis" you'll find out what her "ism" happens to be. Thing is, it will be too late then because you'll have fucked up four peoples lives. Yours, the mother of your children and your two children.

                      Wake up and don't be a dufus. Tell the interloper sister that your interaction stops now, zero contact is next because you've come to your senses and you don't want to ruin your life or those of the people you actually do LOVE and aren't just lusting after.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!