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Not sure how to feel... anyone else had this?

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  • Not sure how to feel... anyone else had this?

    My partner and I have been together almost a year and last night we got jiggy with it lol.
    But he had an issue with finishing as he’s had a few times but I still love him. But this time was different.
    He couldn’t finish, I tried to help and we both agreed to give up. So I went to the bathroom to sort myself out
    and when I came back in the room he bluntly said “I was about to finish” so I said “want me to leave the room then?”
    he said yes, so I did. I was back in the bathroom now feeling low. 5 mins later he walked in covered in himself
    and didn’t seem phased. I have confidence issues since having a kid and previous partners putting me down.
    Its still making me feel low. He tried being how he is all touchey feely but I didn’t want to know.
    I really don’t feel attractive to him anymore. Even though he now feels bad and tells me he loves me I just don’t
    know if I’m being over dramatic or not.
    Probably am but that little dark cloud in my head is saying different.
    Last edited by VolticBicorn; March 7th, 2018, 03:55 PM.

  • #2
    I don't think there's any problem with couples still masturbating, but jeez. The way he handled that was painful!
    If you're feeling insecure, you should make sure he knows how his behavior made you feel. That was a downright rejection and not okay.
    Then try to figure out what it is that he needs to be able to finish, so you can be part of it next time. Let him guide you.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      Originally posted by VolticBicorn View Post
      .....: I have confidence issues since......
      Lack of confidence leads you to focus on yourself, your appearance, your feelings,and your performance. And when your focus and attention are toward you, they are NOT on your partner.

      Who gets turned on by a self-centered partner? No one.

      I suggest you figured out how to get over yourself and focus on him and his pleasure. If that means faking confidence, role-playing, some alcohol, or other mental tactics to quiet your anxiety, then do it. Once you have a few successes things will get better and your confidence will become genuine.

      That said, he may have his own issues.

      Good luck


      • #4
        That behaviour is inconsiderate and if you find his bluntness to the point of rude and insulting, you might want to figure out if he's worth it in the long run. Behavioural issues like this rarely stay in the bedroom. He seems to have trouble recognizing emotions in others and has a cognitive issue responding to emotions appropriately (lack of perception is putting it lightly).


        • #5
          I suggest when he's unable to cum that you leave him alone for a half an hour. Him not being able to come during sex is HIS issue. It has NOTHING to do with you so stop making it about you.

          Do you cum every time he has intercourse with you or do you sometimes fake it so he won't feel insecure like you?

          Tell him that the way that went down hurt you if you must but the real issue isn't the way he handled it but rather how you handled it.

          Does he have an issue generally with being able to pop? If he does then maybe hes jerking off too much and he can't mimic his grip and speed when he's having sex with you?

          How long have you been partners?... what is "a few times" (re: having trouble finishing)
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            Maybe you should talk with him about it first. Like what is going wrong. Maybe you can try it a few more times. Make sure that the love is there first because love may be fading away too.