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Keeping in touch after 10 years together?

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  • Keeping in touch after 10 years together?

    So I do see the sticky about keeping in touch with an ex and why basically you shouldn't. I recently just had my gf break the news that we need to call it quits on our relationship. I can say I was surprised by the news but totally agree with all the points she brought up about why this thing needed to end.

    We had been living together the past 5 years and everything became kind of routine. One major problem is she enjoys going out to do a lot of social activities and I just do not. When we first started dating and even for the first few years of living together we did do things together as a couple. Eventually I just got tired of going out to places. She basically accepted this and didn't try to force me to do things I did not want to do anyway. I feel I definitely took advantage of that and just kept saying NO more and more when she would ask me to do things. This included taking vacation trips as well. I fear flying a lot and just used that as the excuse I guess to not have to make the effort to get on a plane and go places with her. Eventually even the sex started to get less and less passionate and stopped altogether for the past year.

    So we finally talked about this all in depth last night and she brought up some valid points. It became like we just stayed together to just be together. The routine just made it easier to do that. Not to mention splitting all the bills as well. We have no hard feelings towards each other. And we both expressed how we still really care about the other person. It's just the relationship is no longer working the way it once did. We are like two roommates now instead of two people in a loving, emotional, sexual relationship.

    So after all that my question is should we eventually keep in touch after giving each other time for space to deal with the breakup and it's aftermath?

  • #2
    Your challenge will be in determining how long that "break" time will be. If you are both mature enough I don't see why you can't keep in touch afterwards provided neither of you are seeing other people. It wouldn't be fair to date or see others with exes in the background.


    • #3
      When you look long range, how would maintaining a relationship help you move forward towards your goals?

      Generally speaking, if you hope to meet someone else and advance that relationship toward commitment, having an ex hanging around will get in the way.

      Itís understandable that you might not want to cut someone who was so important out of your life, but when the cost of keeping her becomes too much, you have to let her go. And if, at that time, she is a true friend, she would understand.
      Last edited by Pollon; March 6th, 2018, 04:32 PM.


      • #4
        I don't see the point of continuing to keep in touch after breaking up. Break up and move onto your new life with new people in it IMHO.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."