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Dealing with sexual relations that my boyfriend was a part of during our breakup

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  • Dealing with sexual relations that my boyfriend was a part of during our breakup

    Hi, I really don't have anyone to talk to and I'm stuck on this situation. I don't know what to do. So basically me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and 6 months and during that time about 3 months ago in December he broke up with me. His reading for breaking up with me was because he wasn't happy and he felt like I didn't appreciate all he does for me, and then he ghosted me for a few days. After about 2-3 passed we got back together on Christmas, and talked everything out. He told me how miserable he was during the break up and how he realized that I was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. During our breakup and right when we got together I kept asking him if he was talking or had sex or sent pictures to any other girls doing our break up, and he told me that he didn't and that he wasn't even thinking about any other girls at the time. A week or so into getting back into our relationship I found out that he was messaging this girl on instagram that we had previously had a problem with, but he said that he just needed attention from someone. I was mad and we talked about it, but I let it go. Then we had this big situation where he was talking to another one of his exes that he had previously dated for 5 years before me. He told me that he still had feelings for her and that he was trying to get with her during our break up. I took a break from him after I found all of that out and to decide whether or not I wanted to stay with him. When I met up with him after the little break he told me that he doesn't actually have feelings for her, but he never had closure from the way everything ended with them so he thought he was feeling something for her but realized that she's not what he wants. I understood that because I was in the same situation with one of my exes a few years back. I forgave him, and he on his own deleted and blocked her number and instagram and everything, and told her that he didn't want to talk to her anymore because his relationship with me was more important than being friends with her.Then maybe a week or two after that I found a screenshot on his phone for a girl that he was texting which turns out to be one of his old exes. The text message was this (G stands for the girl he was talking to and B stands for my boyfriend): B: "shut up (:". G: "make me". B: "how about I put my dick in that pretty mout of yours". G:"I'm not complaining about that. (;". He sent that screenshot of those messages to a group of his friend and he told them that she was 1/3 of his side chicks. We argued and then we talked it out. I was still uneasy about that whole situation though. During our breakup I noticed that my boyfriend was liking a lot of pictures of this one girl and I instantly got a sick feeling the moment I saw that when we were broken up, so I asked him about during the break up and when we got back together if he was talking to her. He told me that they saw each other at bar and had a conversation about her failed engagement and her new man that she was with, but she was only a friend and that nothing else happened. I still felt uneasy about it so I would keep asking him and every time he would just say no. So I started to feel like I was just being crazy, but last night I went through his phone while he was sleeping (I know that's horrible), and I looked through his and hers Snapchat messages. It first started out by her saying that she was upset with him because she need her best friend (him) because she going through a rough time and that he just dropped her when he got back with me and all that stuff. He was telling her that I'm what he wants and that he's going to be with me for life, and she was saying how she was going to marry the boy that she was dating. I was like ehh this is harmless, but I kept going up to read the previous conversations and that's when it got bad. She was sending him pictures in her underwear and he was asking for them and he also sent her pictures. And they were talking about how the sex was that they had and my bf said I was just so turned on when I woke up to you, and all this other stuff. I was ducking devastated because he told me that he didn't have sex or send pictures to anyone and that the girl wasn't anybody to worry about and that they never did anything. It turns out that 3 days after we broke up he went and had sex with this girl and stayed the night. He told me that it wasn't good and that she's nothing. And that he made a lot of mistakes during our breakup that he didn't want me to know about because he didn't want to hurt me so he lied about everything. I just feel sick to my stomach because when I look at him I see all those messages and I picture him having sex with this girl and it make me feel so damn devastated. I can't really be upset with him that he had sex with her because we were broken up. I'm just disappointed that he lied numerous times to me when I gave him plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth.
    Do you guys think there will be anyway we can get over this? Do you think I'll be able to get over the fact that he had sex with someone or get over all the things I read that they said?
    Should I just end this relationship?

  • #2
    He was telling her that I'm what he wants and that he's going to be with me for life

    The chances that you're going to be with him for life are.....ZERO. I'm not trying to be harsh; I'm simply trying to let you know that it's foolish to even contemplate this.

    Sounds like you're both very young. The fact that he broke up with you, had sex and sent sexy texts to other women and then LIED about it tells me very clearly that he's not ready to settle down with you or anyone else. He wants to be free, despite all of his words to the contrary. Do him a favor and let him have his single life. Find someone who is more serious.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Seems he's operating on a superficial level and needed to realize you were the one after much drama and ado. He may genuinely love you but I don't think your relationship started off on the right foot. You might want to go back in time, past further than this last Christmas and ask yourself whether you have had a rocky time during much of your relationship. Events like these in the past two to three months don't just unfold out of nowhere. Evaluate the relationship as a whole, not just what has happened right now. Look at the way it has affected your life, your goals, where you want to be. If it's not contributing to your peace and happiness and ability to get things done, this isn't right for you.


      • #4
        He sent that screenshot of those messages to a group of his friend and he told them that she was 1/3 of his side chicks.
        That alone would be enough for me to shutting the door to anymore interaction with this guy. He is NO WHERE near being ready to being in a monogamous, long term relationship.
        I'd bet my next cheque that he's going to dump you for a few days/months anytime soon so he can put his dick in some low self-esteemed attention whore that likes to be made to feel pretty through the use of her entry points.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          If you want a man who treats women with respect and doesnít talk crudely to and about them, heís not it. Find someone better and never put up with this kind of BS again.

          Itís not the specific behaviors that matter so much as the poor character of the man who does them. Unless that changes, youíll just be dealing with the same thing going forward.
          Last edited by Pollon; March 5th, 2018, 05:48 PM.