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Dumped cold because his visa wasn't approved

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  • Dumped cold because his visa wasn't approved


    Been in a long distance relationship with a man I met on the internet for two years. We met for 10 days once during this time and it went well and there was great connection.
    We talked daily for the past two years and there was a genuine connection and love. He said he loved me up until three weeks ago when he applied for the second time for a tourist visa to come visit me
    His visa was denied and that same day he sent me a text waking me up saying that it is not willed for us to be together and that he can marry more easily in his own home country and I should go on and find a better man. He said he kept me two years and he doesn't want to make any further promises to me. Quickly he left the conversation by saying bye and I wasn't able to get many words in.

    Since this time has passed, 2.5 weeks without contact. Finally I reach out out and asked him a question about his interview because I needed the information for my employer. He asked about my mom when I wrote him and he told me he hopes I am well. He continued to tell me that maybe we will meet in another life and that he is sorry but its not willed for us to be together. He says he doesn't want me to work hard and leave my country to be with him even though I told him I want to, in the past we got into arguments about this and I was stressed out a lot. He continued to tell me have a great life.

    I told him I wanted him to be happy and that I never wanted to bother him. The day before he had his visa appointment we had a small argument about a man who gave me a candy and I sent a picture to my boyfriend showing him another man had given me the candy. I was joking and said I'm throwing it in the trash but he got mad and said he is tired of me trying to make him jealous and that he feels I do it because he is far and I want to to make him mad and jealous. I told him this is not true as in our relationship I always felt secure enough to joke about these things and he too joked in past about kissing woman. He pressed me this time though and said I always do this to make him jealous and asked me why I do it, so I told him I do it because I want him to hurry up and come to me. I felt bad about this and when I texted him the other day I told him I was sorry for all the joking I did.

    I told him I hate to bother him and he replied that I never bother him, he said if I ever needed anything to not hesitate to reach out to him and call him. I asked him why I would call him? He said "if there is anything you ever want to share with me to contact me. I am your best friend now and I like you." I said " Yes I miss you" and he replied " If we don't marry, doesn't mean we don't like each other, still miss you. "

    I just said thanks and told him that I will be moving to another country soon for graduate school, a country he has a visa to visit me in. He said he will maybe visit me there.

    I just don't know what to do about all this. I feel he is angry with me and has resentment and the hopelessness of our situation was the final straw for him to give-up. For the first two weeks of not contacting each other he was checking up on my profile on Facebook, finally as of 3 days ago he has stopped.

    I don't know how to remedy the situation, I feel there is love there but he's convinced himself the situation is hopeless and he is angry with me about me joking about gifts men give me, etc. I made a mistake and apologized but don't know where to take it from here. Does he really want me to call him? He is a very sensitive emotional man.

    Thank you

  • #2
    sounds like he has found a new close by lover and is dumping you slowly with sob stories about friendship, jealousy and fated not to be together. i think you need to visit him and try one more time to charm him back to you physically and emotionally.

    if he is a very sensitive emotional guy you should be able to get him wanting to be with you if you put your body and mind to it.


    • #3
      You do NOT need to visit him again. It's over. How many ways does he have to try to let you down before you get it?

      People check each other's facebook pages out of simple curiosity. Maybe his ultimate goal was to use you for citizenship, but it didn't work out.

      If we don't marry, doesn't mean we don't like each other, still miss you. " This is the most ridiculous thing I've read. You don't marry people you 'like,' unless it's an arranged marriage.

      Get a clue, girly. Find someone that you can have a real relationship with and not a computer romance.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        He's trying to move on with his life but he doesn't have the heart to cut you off completely. I think you've lost a bit of perspective during these two years. It takes two and his heart doesn't seem in it. You shouldn't have to be trying so hard for both people in a relationship. Move on.


        • #5
          He says he doesn't want me to work hard and leave my country to be with him even though I told him I want to, in the past we got into arguments about this and I was stressed out a lot.
          Sounds like he's never wanted more then a visit and a fling with you.

          I would even venture to say that he's lying to you about his visa being declined and is trying his best to sever any further contact with you.

          You've wasted two years on a fantasy. It's time to accept its over so you can heal and find someone where you currently live who you don't have a fantasy online superficial 'relationship' with.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!