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I don't know how to tell her I can't be with her

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  • I don't know how to tell her I can't be with her

    Please someone help me. Today was one of the most horrifying days of my life. So I'm bi and I have an online boy friend that no one knows about (go ahead and judge me I don't give a damn) and I tell everyone I'm single typically to ridicule myself for being an ugly loner. But anyways there is this beautiful amazing girl (I'm not interested in but she truthfully is) who came to school today all dolled up and during class she kept saying some things that were a little... I don't know sarcastucly flirtatious? (Like she referenced when I first saw her and said how I kept walking in the hallway but she didn't explicitly mention she was talking to me but she was apparently thinking: no please be lesbian with me in a very joking matter) and being the awkward me I just laughed awkwardly avoiding eye contact (and also she knew I have no interest in prom what so ever but she asked if I would go then wondered if I would if I went with someone... more awkward avoiding eye contact) but all the sudden she goes: "you do know I'm hitting on you, right?" And my eyes just widened, asking "wait what?" and I looked at my friend and he was nodding and I just stopped talking, grabbed my forehead and stared at my blank phone screen, went to the bathroom because I was uncomfortable, went back and organized my book bag and then sat back down with the group of friends (which yes, does include her) and read until class was over.

    Okay so why I did what I did was because
    1. I was horrified I was so scared that was the second time anyone showed interest in me and my boy friend is pretty much the same way as me and since it was through a screen I could really think it through before I said anything and I could even escape from it if I felt the need to
    2. I mean I have secret boyfriend ... and I'm not into polygamy and my bf sure isn't and she is
    3. I'm really awkward and don't know what to do and get embarassed easily... and it was in front of everyone so I was even more awkward(this one relates to the first)
    4. She's explicitly said that she hates dating emotional people... Oh and I'm exactly that... I'm also clingy and a depressed self loathing piece of shit... which has caused some heart breaking conflict between my boy friend... also although I don't want to have any form of sex now... I'm still a very sexual person and she is not.
    5. Lastly, but probably most importantly I don't even know if I'm allowed to date and my parents have no idea I'm bi and I really don't care for them to ever know since it is actually a very good chance the only person I will ever be with is my bf because he just understands me...

    Please help I have no idea what to say... I can't be with her and I really don't want to as long as I have my bf that I can't tell her about. I really need to apologize because she is a great person and EVEN DRESSED NICELY TO GET MY ATTENTION (a friend of ours told me that that's what she said it was for during lunch). I'm so scared and I am such an ass for how I reacted but I don't know what to do. I'm panicking right now. I don't know what to tell her... and I'm not even open about my sexuality to anyone besides her and the group of friends in my second block (were all bi, one even being trans... so I feel welcomed to be open about it)
    And I apologize for misspelling and grammar... I have so much anxiety right now I'm just trying to get out what I can because I need help urgently. I'm planning on telling some good friends but I want an idea now because they probably won't be of any help and just shrug...

  • #2
    It sounds like you don't have much in common with her except your sexuality and that is still unproven because you both have never spent time alone together and you barely know her. It also feels too sudden or staged. A beautiful amazing girl who's always been in your group of friends suddenly hits on you, makes it so strangely explicit and your friends are goading you on? You sound like a pig being led up to slaughter and this is a great prank. Ignore all of them especially her and if she actually is interested in you she's going to have to try harder. Herself.


    • #3
      I would say that you don't really have to do anything at this stage. Sounds like you're quite young (that's a good thing) and just because someone is flirting with you doesn't mean you have to pursue on it.

      Also - is your boyfriend just someone you chat with or do you also talk on the phone/see each other? I'm not trying to make it seem like your relationship isn't real but maybe you could cut yourself some slack and be a little flirty just to come out of your shell a little bit? I'm not saying you should be unfaithful, but if it's "only" an online relationship I don't see the harm in being a bit flirtatious with others.


      • #4
        You're making this mole hill into a mountain. You don't owe her or anyone else an explanation if you're not interested in what they're selling.

        I will caution you to distance yourself from your "boyfriend" though if you've never actually met him. Its just fantasy until you actually meet. So: Have you met him in person?
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          You simply say no thank you to her advances. That's all. Simple as that.

          As for your "bf" , why is he a secret? Does he know he is a secret? Does he keep you a secret?
          What are you hiding? What's he hiding?
          Have you ever met him? I'm guessing no. Meaning you know nothing about his personality only his online facade.

          Why are you hell bent on making life complicated when it really isn't?