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My GF thinks I'm lying but I'm not.

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  • My GF thinks I'm lying but I'm not.

    Me and my girlfriend. Let's call her Z, earlier today we had a big fight. I live in England and she lives in Asia.

    To start. I'll say she is the sweetest most caring loyal girl in the world and I love her with all my heart.
    And the guy in the message I refer to they are 100% not involved so no answer need be about that.

    We were talking about passport ID and then around that time I asked her what this guy said in a message. She translated and didn't seem bothered. We promised to tell eachother everything which we always do.

    But then later she starts saying "Why you so curious about the message?" And I'm thinking "huh". She asks again in a mad voice. I just said "I dunno, Why not?" And she kept saying it and saying it. I just said cos I wanted knpw what it said. And she asking why why why. There was no reason in particular. But she didn't believe that. So eventually she asks for me to answer truthfully or she will sleep. (Breaking a promise we made to never sleep mad) so I'm thinking if the truth is useless then I'll say what I think she wants to hear. So I just said cos ik jealous your talking to him. She didn't beleive that. Well that wasn't true so I don't mind. Asking again and again. What am I even supposed to say? Seems like there is no answer to the question?
    She said more hurtful things but none relevant to the point.. She also said later that her mind is closed about it so won't believe anything I say. just feel like the fight has pushed us apart a little. We have always been honest with eachother completely and fully intend to marry.
    Knowing shes gonna always think i lied about that when I never did is killing me. She told me it's gonna take time before she can fully trust me again. But I did nothing atall anyway so it's nonsense. It makes me feel like crap. All I've shown her is love and loyalty and honesty and support and yet I was subject to a string of attacks and accusations of lies for nothing atall. She doesn't seem to undertand how it's making me feel. If I bring it up she shuts me down..
    How can I show her I'm being honest if all she does is think I'm lying about it? She wants to bury it and not discuss it. I want her to know I was honest.

    So I admit I have a history of self harm.. knowing she doesn't trust me and that I have done nothing to wrong her atall is killing me. It's hard not to hurt myself but I promised her a long time ago I wouldn't.. so I will not but it's hard.

  • #2
    I live in England and she lives in Asia.

    This is the first red flag. Unless I miss the mark, you sound very young and too underemployed to ever make this vast geographical gulf work. Trying to maintain this relationship is futile and can lead only to disappointment and sadness. Why not find someone where you live?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Have you ever met this woman?

      In any event she is capable of gaslighting you to the 9th degree.

      Are you getting professional therapy to help you with those urges to harm yourself?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Don't marry her. There are trust issues from both sides. She sounds like a complicated drama queen. I'd find someone else more suitable and stable!
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          So many holes in the post/story. I'm able to decode a lot of broken, drunk, high, esl language but this one is intentionally holey. If she thinks you're lying about something, something about you (to her) doesn't seem trustworthy. Or shewas scarred in her past or traumatized to the point where she's expecting lies from you. Do your friends and family know about your relationship?

          Get some help for the self-harming because thinking about it means that you're already one step closer to doing it. If your friends and family don't know about this relationship or you don't have any support network, I think you need to work on yourself and try not to make decisions that involve associating with the wrong people.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; March 1st, 2018, 02:16 PM.


          • #6
            Take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Call her, ask her to just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're genuinely confused about the situation, tell her that the last thing you want to do is fight with her and tell her that you would rather talk through any problem you guys might have rather than argue about it. Most importantly in these situation is making sure the other person knows you want whatever is best for your relationship and not just for yourself. Good luck!


            • #7
              Well she certainly isn't the sweetest girl in the world is she???

              You promise to always tell each other everything and never go to sleep mad?
              So you are both trying to create some fictional fairytale fantasy ?
              Setting yourselves up to fail.

              I assume you have never met her and therefore only know her online persona.
              Just because you are somewhat yourself online doesn't mean that she is.
              But she's starting to give you a taste of who she really is.
              Is she looking for citizenship in the U.K.?
              Whens the wedding date? Are you planning on seeing her before then?

              Im guessing your self harm stopped only when you started to talk to her.
              She was a distraction and in a way your self medication.
              And now she's become a reason to self harm.
              What help are you getting for that?

              You did lie to her btw. You told her you were jealous when you weren't. Or were you? Why did you want to know what his message said?