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Best way to let her down easy

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  • Best way to let her down easy


    I've been seeing a girl for the last couple of months after the chased me for a good six months prior. We haven't really become anything 'official', if I can use that term, though I have met her parents and we have had sex. Her family, as well as her close friends and other acquaintances of both of ours who have seen us around seem to be of the opinion that we are in a relationship already. This is something that has made me feel a little bit uncomfortable because I'm still trying to find my feet in the relationship business after a long lay off.

    I didn't want to begin any relationship with this girl until I knew it was absolutely the right way to go about it, but recently I've soured on her a little bit just in some behavioral traits that aren't entirely worth getting into (small things). My question is, as the title suggests, what would be the best way to let her know that I think we should take a back step and remain as friends?

    Thank you

  • #2
    Do it over the phone or in person. You don't know her very well and it hasn't been a long time. This is under the premise that there was no authentic relationship in place. What kind of help are you looking for? People don't exactly rent blimps that say, SORRY, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE. Just get it over with and move on. Don't waste your time on people who don't mesh with you.


    • #3
      Are you saying that you 'gave in' after she chased you for six months? How do you mean that? You started dating you because she was aggressively pursuing you?

      In any case, she MUST know that you are souring on her, unless you've been keeping up a pretense that everything is great. The manly way to end it would be to invite her to meet with you and then tell her that don't think it's working out between you. Don't make it her fault...don't start listing the things that you don't like about her...just say that YOU don't feel that's it's a good fit and you both need to move on. PLEASE don't start spouting bullshit about 'let's be friends.' That doesn't work and just serves to drag out an uncomfortable situation.

      There's never an easy way to do it, but being totally truthful is the best route to take.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        Why would you be so lax in boundaries that you would agree to meet her parents when you were not even exclusive (in your eyes) or actually in a relationship if you say your friends "seem to think we are in a relationship already?"

        Your actions are that of a man that is committed and on the same page as who he is dating so please do the female population in your immediate dating sphere a favor and don't give mixed signals. Wait to advance your dating to something more concrete before you start doing boyfriend-esk things with who you're doing.

        Tell her you've dated long enough now to know that you feel you're not compatible with her and that it's best that you end your interaction before things get any deeper. Then do her the favour of not prolonging her being able to get over you by keeping up contact with her. She will want to ask questions so let her ask them on the day you break it off but don't keep letting her ask them after that day. No contact will help her to get over you.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          Arrange to meet her in person and tell her exactly how you feel about dissolving your relationship with her. Honesty is the best policy. Tell her your offer to "remain friends" and if she declines retaining friendship with you, don't be shocked. Most women refuse to take a back step and remain "just friends." Make a clean break. Both of you should move on with your lives and go your separate ways.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."