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My girlfriend of 15 years left me for another guy.

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  • My girlfriend of 15 years left me for another guy.

    I had the same girlfriend since the age of 14 and we had been together up until 2 years ago when she left me for another man, I'm now 30. We lived together at that point but she never seemed interested in getting married when I brought it up in conversation so to say I was shocked and heartbroken when this happened would be an understatement. She dated this guy for a while and then when he left her she came back to me. We dated for a while and then she became pregnant. Before we could go to the doctor together or talk about options she aborted our child without telling me. We mutually decided that we didn't think we could get past this. Two months after this happened I met a girl. I really wasn't expecting much to come from it but this girl turned out to be great and we have alot in common. We live in a small town so it didn't take long for word to get back to my ex that I was dating someone new and she went ballistic. Followed my new girlfriend home from work, showed up at my house when she was there and overall drove a wedge between us. My new girlfriend was patient about everything, she gave me time and space to think about everything and after less then a week I missed her like crazy and couldn't stand not being with her. My ex will not leave us alone. She texts me all the time, calls me an asshole when I ignore her and in the next minute professes her undying love for me.
    I'm torn now because as much as I'm falling for my new girlfriend I can't get over how much history my ex and I have and the fact that I will always love her. I've thought about getting back together with her again but know if I do and it doesn't work out this amazing girl I met won't take me back. I've been honest and upfront about everything with my new girlfriend and since I'm going out of town this week for work she's going to give me this time away to think about everything.
    I'm wondering if another guy has been in a similar position before and if getting back with their ex worked out or if history repeated itself. I'm also curious as to if anyone can help me understand how even after meeting this amazing girl and having true feelings for her I'm still considering getting back together with my ex. Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    Our teen years are a time of significant personal development. We are trying to figure out who and what we are. The problem with getting into long-term relationships during this time is that the other person becomes part of who and what we are. Their ideas, tastes, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. become our ideas. So when we lose the other person (particularly in a traumatic way like infidelity), we lose a significant part of ourselves. We don't feel whole without them even though they may have treated us terribly.

    It's like losing an arm. The arm may have been giving us a lot of problems (arthritis and others) but we would rather have it than not have it. And every replacement (new relationship) doesn't feel like OUR arm.

    Given how your ex treated you and her behavior now, returning to her is likely to be a disaster. And, unfortunately, your relationship with the new girl is a rebound that isn't likely to work out anyway.

    I would suggest you stay single for at least a year and figure out who you are--separate from any romantic interests. When you've figured that out, then you can see if either girl is appealing to you anymore or interested in you.

    Good luck

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    • #3
      You have seen a side of your ex that's terrifying. She's a stalker. She harrasses people, and she obviously doesn't care about your happiness. All she cares about is what makes her happy.
      Who in their right mind would consider having a relationship with this woman??

      The fact that you're considering going back to your ex, also means that you can't offer your new girlfriend what she deserves from her partner. It's unfair to continue the relationship in your current state of mind.
      I agree with Pollon. Stay single for a while. Take some time away from romance and think long and hard about what you want in life.

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      • #4
        Your ex is a complete moron and a creepy stalker. And so are you for getting involved with someone else a mere two months after the abortion of your child. You're still reeling from a double loss: the realization that your ex betrayed you and the loss of your unborn child. Of course, you're still muddled up and confused. You're now not only hurt but you're hurting those around you. For once in your life grow up and be a man, for goodness sakes. Learn from your mistakes and pick the right people around you in life so that you're not constantly a mess of nonsense. Get out of this cloud of confusion and clear your mind. Refocus your energies wholeheartedly. Do whatever it takes to make your ex know she's toast and there is no chance to be with you. She blew it not because of the abortion without mentioning it to you but because of her behaviour and her lukewarm attitude towards you all along and her behaviour following your current girlfriend from work.

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        • #5
          Count my vote for Stay single for a year and don't have A THING to do with either woman. One is just an addiction that you've not yet rehabbed through cold turkey withdrawl from and the other is just someone you are using to get over your torn down ego over your ex leaving you for another man. Btw: Most men who have this happen to don't get back with someone that left them for someone else. How would you ever be able to trust her not replacing you when the urge hits in the future? Fickle women don't make good life mates.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            You are one confused bartender. Take a long break from women. You need a bartender to give you advice! Do women a favor and don't date them nor have a relationship with them until you get your head in order. Remain loyal to one woman only and stop waffling back 'n forth between the two. Make up your mind. It's either woman A or woman B, not both due to your indecision. Once one relationship dissolves, it's over. You don't go back to woman A while you're with woman B. It's not how it works. Get your priorities straight.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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