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Just broke up, do I move on, do I keep hope?

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  • Just broke up, do I move on, do I keep hope?

    Hello, so me and my boyfriend just recently broke up. It was sort of mutual. We were together for a little over 3 years and lived together in his parents basement for a little over a year(built a brand new apartment together). We also have a dog together mind you. Since living together the bickering was constant and at an all time high sometimes. He ignored me for days sometimes. I really feel like I was emotionally abused. My friend and family says that as well. He never listened to my feelings and they were constantly disregarded. Deep down I know that that is not okay. I know that no one deserves that but I also know the good in him and how much I love him. So we mutually m(more him) decided to leave things. I was beginning to have panic attacks towards the end and he knew that. I think all of the anxiety was getting to me with our relationship. He was constantly threatening to not be with me. So everything took a toll in me and I think subconciously my body was almost telling me to let this go. But my heart is not listening to my head. This past week I have had hopes that we will soon come back together(sooner then Iím sure it will be) so that glimmer of hope has been keeping me sane and semi okay. But today he made it clear that we will never know whether we will be together once again. So now I moved out yesterday back home, my job is by him(an hour and a half away drive from my parents to work and the same back) that drive is not ideal for me so I will obviously need to get a new job. And then there is my dog. Her home is our or now his apartment. Of course splitting her sounds very easy but in reality it is not. I know I will be losing her in the end. So I just lost the love of my life, soon my job, and soon my dog. Idk what to do. I donít want to lose him and I donít want to see him with anyone else. Not even him hooking up with anyone. Even a like on another girls picture would kill me. We still talk almost everyday but just to tell each Other how miserable we both are. I was just speaking with him and got very upset because the glimmer of hope I had is gone. Cutting ties I know needs to be done but I canít bare it. Please someone help me figure out the best thing.

  • #2
    Love makes us do foolish things in the spur of the moment and when all is well and good, the pieces make sense. What doesn't make sense is why you moved out so readily if you "built" the new apartment together. What do you mean "built"? Did you contribute monetarily to the renovations? Did you contribute to the mortgage? You're finding it difficult to come to terms with all this loss because you didn't think about covering your butt ahead of time in case things went south. If it truly is indeed his apartment/property, your best bet is to cut ties with him and move on with your life. Why on earth would you continue to hope to be with a man who so easily ended your life together?

    What were your fights about? Money? Work?


    • #3
      Our fights were about our pasts. (The big fights). But we could argue about anything. If I came forward with a problem or something that bothered me and he thought it was not a ďbig dealĒ to him then he could careless. He wouldnít want to even hear it. My feelings are literally never valid. I could count on 1 hand the amount of times he came forward and actually apologized. And we dated for over 3 years. He begged his parents for me to move into the basement. He paid for everything for the basement and his parents. I split things here and there but he never asked me for a dime and that was already established before I moved in. And boy did he hold that over my head when it was convenient for him. We then were splitting the electric bill for a few months. Iím just beyond hurt that it has come to the point. Iím losing in the end. All that has changed for him is me out. I was not able to provide for him materialistcly but I have him my whole heart. I did everything and anything for him. I never said no to him. I loved him and still do with all of my heart. I just want this heartache to go away. All I can think about is him being okay and me suffering. I know he is upset but I canít imagine him being as hurt as me.


      • #4
        The best thing to do is to cease all contact with him and carry on with your life. The more you do the "out of sight, out of mind" strategy, the more he will become a blur to you in the future. 3 years is a long time to live together and chalk it up a harsh lesson you'll never forget. Be careful with whom you have relationships with in the future. Get to know the guy better because his true colors will be revealed to you after you live with him. Never throw caution to the wind. Don't give him your heart anymore; he doesn't deserve it. I was like that once. Love yourself more. Convince yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and honor and anyone who doesn't treat you the same in return does not deserve your brain space. Remember that.


        • #5
          Hold on a second.... 705, the apartment was a rented basement suite in his parents' house? That explains a lot. Be more careful when you're dating and try to pick a man, not a boy. You also never said no to him. I don't know what culture you're from but that should stop. Re-evaluate your mistakes and the problems you had in the relationship and grow wiser.

          You're NOT, by the way, on the losing end. You've just dissociated yourself from someone who doesn't appreciate you, moved out a basement suite belonging to someone else's parents, forfeited a dog for more independence and freedom regarding your career and personal life AND you have the opportunity to rekindle and deepen your relationship with your own family. When doors close, they close for a reason. You may not always get what you want but you will get what you're best cut out for in life. Don't be so short-sighted. There's more coming your way.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 27th, 2018, 06:26 PM.


          • #6
            I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it feels like the end of the world cause I've been there myself.

            Cut the contact with him for a while unless it's revolving really important stuff. Unfollow him on social media, unfollow his friends if they might post pictures of him. Everyone has different ways of coping with breakups. I stayed at a hotel for a week and cried while my ex was out partying with friends - it made me furious but I realize now it was his way of coping. It will take a while but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel some day and up until then; just pamper yourself and spend time with friends, family and yourself. Put your lovelife aside and focus on who you are outside of your relationship.


            • #7

              so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this now. I and probably many others have been where you are now and we all made it - and so will you!

              I can tell you what worked out best for me and maybe it will also help you. For myself I needed to cut off the contact to him, especially on social media. In my experience some exboyfriends acted super stupid after a breakup and posted many pictures with others girls - showing that they are having fun and are already over our breakup.... that hurt so much and did some serious damage in my brain... Therefore, I dont know if your boyfriend is the same - but if so, prevent yourself from it and stop make yourself see that by unfollowing him!

              Then I though distraction might help me get through it but distraction was not enough. When i went to bed and i was alone my brain automatically snapped back. So the thing that worked for me the most was to investe in myself. There is nothing more powerful than self development. Since I work in the sports fields I stared working out more, I went to more seminars to educate myself, I made my new home (I had to move out) just how I liked it, started working on my future plans. And I can tell you, it all payed off!! Not only because I got more successfull in my job which is already very self fullfilling but also because I came home at the end of day with a feeling of satisfaction for myself and my personality! And this feeling improved my self confidence which led to become even happier about the breakup and I could let go!!! Dont get me wrong, time was super hard at first. But it will pass, I promise!

              So my advice is, get something you are very passionate about, if its a job or something different. Try to develope as a person and you will feel satisfaction for yourself and your life! And I dont even think you should change your job. Why dont you look for your own apartment close to your job?

              I wish you all the best!