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Is he being a bit harsh?

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  • Is he being a bit harsh?

    I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have been together for 6. He has 2 children from a previous relationship and I have 1. I gave up my home 2 years ago to move in with him. He always wants to book holidays or short breaks away in the term time when my daughter is at school and therefore there is no one to look after her. In the school holidays it's easy as she can go and stay with my parents or her dad but he just can't get his head around the fact it is so difficult to get someone to have my daughter in term time and then he has a go at me saying I never want to do anything which is so un-true. I'd love to do lots of things and we have done but in term time it's just so difficult. Why does he make me feel so bad for this? If I say anything to him he just gets annoyed. We had a row tonight and basically it has resulted in us potentially splitting up (I have no idea where I'm going to go) and one of the reasons is because he says I never want to do anything which is completely un-true. I never say I'm not going to do something, I just explain it would be nice but difficult as I need someone to have my daughter. Am I doing something wrong?
    Last edited by Katy_B05; February 25th, 2018, 06:49 PM.

  • #2
    Your relationship has run its course. Get a place of your own and move on.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      How's the rest of your relationship? It seems strange that you would break up over this.

      I suspect this may be the straw that broke the camel's back on top of some other issues?
      Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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      • #4
        Your three kids sound like they're all different ages and his two are older and more independent. How old is your girl?

        Instead of completely shutting him down I think you both could come to a healthy compromise. His way of asking you to go away for a brief period may be a bit idiotic and spur-of-the-moment (careless) but since you've made the decision to be with him, you should know that you signed up for that and whatever careless way he has about him. So make it work. Decode his language and translate to something you're able to work with and take in small bites. Instead of getting annoyed right off the bat, actually make the effort to look at things differently. For one, why is it not a possibility for your daughter to go with the two of you?

        You both should be making compromises. If he isn't willing to understand your limitations, he's disrespectful. If you're not willing to be flexible or think outside the box, you're being disrespectful. Learn to come together and find solutions. It may be that one or two terms out of the three or four terms in the year, you make plans over a long weekend to have your parents stay at your house instead for 2-3 days, while you two go on your short weekend holiday.

        Think long term solutions. Don't be short-sighted. Figure out annual type solutions and work with the school cycles/terms.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 26th, 2018, 05:41 PM.

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        • #5
          You're boyfriend is an arsehole if he can't get it that you don't have anyone to look after your kid when HE wants to go.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            I agree with Phases. You're dating a man who thinks his pleasure is more important that your daughter's well-being. What an ass. Why are you putting up with such a self-centered man?

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            • #7
              I couldn't agree more with Phases and Pollon.

              You have a daughter. You will always be a mother first and a partner to him second. Your daughters well-being is your responsability.
              A man who cannot respect that, is not worth your time.
              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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              • #8
                Your boyfriend is selfish. Time to rid of him and move onto someone who will treat you and your daughter with respect.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Sit down and tell him you would like to plan for the two of you to go away somewhere together alone to reconnect. Tell him you need to find someone to take care of your daughter while the two of you are away and ask him for advice on whom you might be able to ask. Make him involved in the process of finding a "baby sitter", so that he can be included and feel like you're really making an effort.

                  He is too harsh on you but if you prove him wrong just once it might save your relationship. Obviously he loves you and wants to be with you, otherwise he wouldn't be upset about the fact that "you don't want to go away with him" (in his opinion).

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                  • #10
                    Thank you all for your replies. He was a bit better the next day and he seems to show he understands about the childcare situation but he is so unhappy at the moment. He seems to go hot and cold with me. He got annoyed with me for being on my phone whilst we were watching something but yet he’s on his phone all the time. He’s so up and down. I try to talk to him and he just tells me he doesn’t want to talk. It’s so difficult. Tonight he’s annoyed, I walk in a room and he walks out. He seems to just be pushing me away. We are meant to be exchanging on a house next month and it seems the closer we get to it the more scared he is and is pushing me away. He’s very stressed at the moment with work & family. I just wish he wouldn’t take it out on me. When you’ve been with someone for a while it’s hard to know what to do.

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