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Letting him go for his sake?

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  • Letting him go for his sake?

    I am absolutely enamored by this guy I've been seeing. It felt too good to be true. And he admitted to having a crush on me. It's mutual so I thought there shouldn't be any problems. But I'm 19 and he's 24. We're both going to college in the same city in the fall. He's afraid of being hurt because he said that he puts me above himself and that leaves him very vulnerable. He doesn't want to tie me down because I'm young and I'm going places. So after all this flirting and just mutual care and affection between us, he just out of nowhere suggested that maybe we should stay friends instead. And I'm crushed. Because I thought about this, and I see why he's afraid. And I just like him so much I don't want to let him go, but I also like him too much to be selfish. I want to be with him for the long run and i even imagine myself marrying him. I don't want to hurt him and I don't plan onto. So I thought maybe it's better if I let him go instead of fighting to stay with him? I just want whats best for him.

    A little background on the age thing, he hasn't dated in 2 years after his last girlfriend cheated on him. And our families have no problem with our age difference. He's afraid I'll find someone else to love but I honestly haven't felt much emotion (not enough to cry about it like i am right now) for a long time for anyone and I have never been flirty with anyone but him (by choice). Idk i just feel like he's something special that I'll never find again, because I've scoped out alot of dudes for potential date material and no one can compare to him.

  • #2
    You are so young but follow your instincts & tell him how you feel. You have nothing to lose. Good luck!


    • #3
      I wish I had someone to straighten me out when I was your age so I'll get right to the point. Stop acting so desperate and itchy between the legs. When you say you've scoped out a lot of dudes for potential date material it makes you sound like you went shopping at the wet market and just couldn't find your favourite farmer with the chickens you're used to. I understand you're feeling a lot right now and because of your emotions and your age, your world is also incredibly small and tiny. One day you'll look back at this moment and realize that the person you were and all your thoughts could be encapsulated at the point of a needlehead. That's how small your world really is at 19. You actually will meet many interesting people and good people in college, depending on your personal outlook on life. You may bump into this guy again but don't get so swept up in the moment and believe for one second that he's the be all and end all. Honey, your life hasn't even begun. Hang tight and learn to smile. It's a wild ride.


      • #4
        He's made it clear that he wants to be "just friends" so I would respect his wishes. You're only 19 years old. I felt left out because everyone I knew had a girlfriend / boyfriend except me. I focused on my career and the world opened its doors to me; not the other way around. The man whom I eventually married was a man who checked all the boxes. He was worth the wait. Haste makes waste. Nowadays, so many people whom I know both friends and family have high divorce rates because they settled for second best. Never settle for second best. Go for the best or "the catches." Someday you'll say, "All the good ones are taken." It's so true.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          He's afraid of being hurt because he said that he puts me above himself and that leaves him very vulnerable. He doesn't want to tie me down because I'm young and I'm going places.

          Let me translate the above for you. He's NOT into you.

          The only thing he's afraid of is being tied down to someone he doesn't fancy enough. And I doubt seriously that he hasn't dated anyone in two years.

          The age difference isn't the problem. His lack of feelings for you is the problem.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay