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is it going to be like this every time?

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  • is it going to be like this every time?

    I just broke up with my girlfriend. A week ago anyway. This is a somewhat familiar feeling.

    This time it was kind of complicated. She has kids, and is still legally married to their dad, who is a bit of a pr*ck.
    Sorry, I am new to the forum and not sure if you're allowed to swear or not. I know I should look through other people's posts, but I only just registered because my head is overwhelming me at the moment and I needed to say this somewhere.

    We had been together for about 6 months, with almost a year of flirting before that.
    I broke up with her for a few reasons. One is that we didn't start going out at a really easy time, there were difficulties (with the ex) from the start. I didn't handle the stuff as it happened very well. I got jealous even though I trusted her fully.
    But the bigger reason is that I have an issue with commitment. I really wish I didn't. At the start I spent a long time making sure that I could see myself with her long term, that I would be happy to live in the same place for the foreseeable future, that I would be happy to be with the same person for the rest of my life, that I would still love her in a year's time. And I was sure about all of it. I was really sure.

    But now, here I am. The commitment is looming large, and I got scared away. I care about her so much, but I really worry that if I don't end it now then it will happen in six months time. When I get itchy feet to live somewhere else. As I write this I still can't work it out. I still don't know which part I am really scared of. All I know is that it is there, and it is real. That at some point I am going to f*ck this up, and that it must be better to do that now, and cause her less pain, than do it later.

    But all week, and tonight in particular, I am really doubting myself, and missing her. I don't know what to do, about this girl.

    I know I don't come across well in this message, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can. Thank you for any replies.