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Bad Breakup, Maybe Narcissist, Law Enforcement...lots of issues

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  • Bad Breakup, Maybe Narcissist, Law Enforcement...lots of issues

    I am married. They are married. We are both unhappy with our marriages. He found me one night when I asked for help, he contacted me months later and didn't tell me he was married until I asked. Which...was a couple weeks. TBH, I was looking for a way out of my marriage without being financially own my own, I liked him, looked promising. Once i realized he was married then he said he was interested in leaving her, had me over a lot at his home, didn't mind being with me in public, so yeah he's not happy and I thought he probably felt the same as me. He is a police officer.

    Flash forward 6 months I have endured:
    Being called names
    Being cussed
    Being accused of cheating
    I can't be friends with men or else he accuses me of cheating or focuses on them
    Has issues with the size ofI his penis
    Has attempted suicide
    Has some psychological issue hat I can't figure out and he said will be seeing a therapist soon - good for him.

    I always break up and go back. He makes me feel terrible but when I'm with him I feel safe. I have anxiety disorder and panic disorder and maybe him being in his profession helps me feel safe. IDK, first time i ever dated someone with that job. He can be incredibly sweet and loving, and then terribly mean.

    So, I had someone I didn't even know in real life send me a message on a social network about something not even remotely flirty, he seen it on my screen, and accused me of cheating on him. So I said, that's it, I can't do this any more. I went as far as changing my number. Why? I thought it was a fresh start. I thought...if I don't have the same number I can pretend he doesn't exist. Well, in less than 24 hours I tried to call him, much to my surprise HIS number had changed as well. To what, IDK. So...we cannot get ahold of one another. And....suddenly I feel like I am panicking. I was hoping me changing my number would teach him a lesson.....but he just changed his in retaliation.

    A part of me wants to tell his wife about it all.
    A part of me wants to tell his boss how we met because i often think he profiled me. He would lose his job, his pension, and retaliate in I am not sure how.
    A part of me wants to find him when he's on duty and make up....only to do this all again.

    I am so alone. My spouse is not supportive, abusive, and I don't feel safe with them. I feel naked, and afraid. All I want is to feel safe, and loved. I'm a strong woman, and I've never felt this way about a man. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder and machavelian personality disorder. And...slightly psychopathic but it could be my apathy from being anxious and depressed. I wonder if he is a narcissist. I don't know how to handle them. IDK how to handle my mental state, IDK if I'm wrong, if he is wrong, or if I"m a victim in some way.

    I know people will say to leave my husband but I have a disorder that requires a lot of money to treat. And without him I will have no insurance, I have no family, I have nowhere to go but a shelter. Which would be scarier than being here. I"m on all the meds I can be on, I see a therapist. But....I feel like I can't tell what is really my disorder or what is really normal feelings any more.
    Last edited by Jenn83; February 23rd, 2018, 02:18 PM.

  • #2
    You've been diagnosed with Machiavellian Personality Disorder? How exotic.

    You're not really a strong woman. You're weak and dependent. You're staying with a man you don't love so that you can get treatment for your various psychoses. You're chasing after married men and then wondering why your life is so shitty.

    Only you hold the key to happiness. Go to a shelter if you feel unsafe. Work on your life. Do you have a job? If not, get one. See a medical doctor. Stop being a victim and start being an advocate for yourself.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      You've been diagnosed with Machiavellian Personality Disorder? How exotic.

      You're not really a strong woman. You're weak and dependent. You're staying with a man you don't love so that you can get treatment for your various psychoses. You're chasing after married men and then wondering why your life is so shitty.

      Only you hold the key to happiness. Go to a shelter if you feel unsafe. Work on your life. Do you have a job? If not, get one. See a medical doctor. Stop being a victim and start being an advocate for yourself.
      Wow, dumb ass, I said I have a doctor. Apparently you should learn to read. I do have a job. Houses the size of the one i live in don't land in peoples laps! And frankly, I don't want to lose the boat.

      SO....I'm not "dependent".

      Was I dealing with a freaking narcissist? That was my question, you fuckhead.

      And how is a Mach personality disorder exotic? Being a narcissist isn't. Neither is being a sociopath or a psychopath.

      So...should I ruin his life or not? Because I really feel like ruining his life by ratting him out to his wife and boss.

      I'm not chasing after married men, he chased me. And I'm ALSO married. Why is it that women chase after married men? Ever think married men look for sex with women who are married and unmarried? WE are two married people who hate our spouses. It's not that hard.
      Last edited by Jenn83; February 23rd, 2018, 06:02 PM.

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      • #4
        If you're so independent, why don't you have money to get an apartment? Why would you have to go to a shelter? If you're independent, why don't you have money for your treatment? Maybe you should downsize and get rid of the boat? Just a thought.

        You said you had a therapist. Did I miss the place where you said you had a doctor? You changed your number so he couldn't find you and then you call him the next day?

        I wouldn't worry about whether or not he was a narcissist. If I were you, my main focus would be getting my mental issues under control.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          Who cares what his life is like. Just deal with yours. It's a mess. Your marriage is a sham. You're worried about insurance. You hinted at not being able to get help because your sad story needs lots of money to treat. Here's some advice: find a better job or look for a better resource for therapy and help and put your life back together. Forget you ever knew this shit excuse for a cop if you're a strong woman and get back on your feet. If you're looking for love and safety, love yourself. Respect yourself.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; February 23rd, 2018, 07:11 PM.

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          • #6
            Hmm...I Am NOT living on an apartment. I am NOT losing my lifestyle just because I am not happy.
            i just wondered if he is a narcissist because I would like to know how to best mess with his head.

            And yeah, I'll probably tell on him.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Jenn83 View Post

              And yeah, I'll probably tell on him.
              Like anyone would believe you. You're a psycho for fuck sakes.

              Get a grip.


              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                He didn't change his number out of retaliation, he changed his first.

                He realised what he was dealing with.

                How do you hurt him? You can't. Your words against his.
                He will simply expose you as a lunatic.

                You change your number and then call him? You are erratic.
                Change therapist because it's clearly not working.

                And you expect your husband to be suppprtive??
                I think he's a saint to endure this.

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                • #9
                  I think ‘Pistol’ would b perfect for this thread. Lol. I thought I was messed up, but now I feel normal. Lol. Anyhow, this ‘relationship’ needs to end ASAP for both of ur sakes. Even if he’s a narcissist it doesn’t matter bc ur not meant to be. If he were ur husband and had to endure him then yes you’d need psychosducation about his mental disorder. Btw u cant mess w/ a narcissist’s head. They will control and manipulate u before that happens.

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                  • #10
                    Jenn83, the way you reply to and speak to other people on this forum, shows us exactly how seriously messed up your mental health situation is.
                    You need help. You come here asking for help and advice. And for some reason you find it acceptable to verbally abuse those people who offer you their advice, in their own private time, free of charge, to a complete stranger who has done nothing for them.

                    Maybe instead of being so angry because you're not hearing the advice you want, you should actually listen to what people here are saying.
                    They are saying that you're using your financial situation as an excuse for not taking action to fix your mental health. That's a messed up priority. As long as you care more about the house you live in and the boat, you'll never be able to make the right choices for your own happiness.

                    Also, retaliating against this man isn't going to make you feel better. A person with a balanced mind wouldn't care about retaliation. You should be cutting him out of your life and working on your own wellbeing.
                    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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