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Is love really temporary?

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  • Is love really temporary?

    I broke with my GF cause she did not feel as much into me as in the start of our relationship.
    The thing is, that she accepted our descend and does not want to try bringing up the good times, cause she thinks love is temporary and trying to bring that feeling back is pointless.
    The past month we had been quite distant, and i fed up this situation, doing nothing to talk to her about this, and she addmited that she was waiting for me to take action.
    I think she feels like I am a beta male cause I did was not dynamic, which is true.
    I really want to know if there is any hope in the future to get back to this state of pure love.
    I've never felt like this in my life and it's a feeling I really miss.
    I love her so much and i really want her back cause I knew she is a special person from the time we met.

  • #2
    You sound very young and you have a misguided idea of what love is. All romantic relationships begin with that euphoric high that people call 'love.' But it doesn't always last when the honeymoon phase ends. Real love is what happens long after the honeymoon phase is over and you still cherish the person you're with. That's the thing that lasts a long time.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      If you're with the right person, years will go by, even decades, and you'll still be excited to wake up to them and spend every moment together. You should hang on to that and don't settle for less. I don't believe in the honeymoon stage but I do believe in managing your expectations and learning to embrace difficulties and difficult conversations. Some people are better at it than others. If you didn't come from a strong family background where your parents remained in a healthy marriage managing your expectations long term may be foreign to you - you've never seen it before. I'd encourage you to find support in your community - whether it's your community center, your local church or religious/prayer house or in youth groups. Don't lose sight of your ideal.

      I think it's your girlfriend who has an unhealthy idea of relationships. Do you know if she is going through problems at home or at school?


      • #4
        Your girlfriend sounds like a serial monogamous who ends relationships when the new relationship energy (also known as the honeymoon period) wears off (which it does in ALL relationships). Waking up and being glad to be with your partner and spending lots of time with them IS what mature love is but that new relationship energy will not be there like it was when you first started dating, Op. It seems your ex gf has yet to learn that life lesson and seeks out perpetual new relationship feelings.

        Your girlfriend isn't open to being in mature love with you (or likely anyone at this point) so do your best to get over her through zero contact which will help you to get to the stage of indifference to her.
        she thinks love is temporary and trying to bring that feeling back is pointless.
        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 22nd, 2018, 03:57 PM. Reason: added quote
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          Love and infatuation are temporary for GF / BF who get together, break up, find someone new and repeat numerous times. I'm married and the love for my husband is permanent. There's responsibility and commitment for life. We've had some minor bumps in the road, financial struggles and it's been a turbulent road to arrive at this point in our lives. The beauty of my marriage is times are FINALLY good and when our ship finally came in, now is the time to reap the rewards. Would I want to go through it again to get here? NO. However, since I cannot undo the past, in some ways I can say it was worth enduring struggles in order for life to reach fruition later. Love can be enduring and permanent IF you find the right person to share it with. It all boils down to not settling for second best. Finding "thee one" is like finding a needle in a haystack. Quality of character and personality are #1.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


          • #6
            The high you feel when you're with a new partner is your brain getting flooded with dopamine. It's very similar to what a cocaine user feels and craves. So the question is, when the crack high wears off, what have you got?

            Do you like Bob Dylan's lyrics? I do. A major theme for Dylan is how love fades over time. He would say yes, love is temporary. Personally, I choose to disagree.


            • #7
              True love doesn't fade over time. It grows. What fades is the, as you say, cocaine high.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay