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Possible HR complaint against me. Should I be worried?

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  • Possible HR complaint against me. Should I be worried?

    A couple of my colleagues informed me that a female colleague of mine has complained to Mgt/HR about me interfering w/ her doing her job, a form of harrassment. Iím infuriated about this and have cut off communication w/ this woman. Allegedly, she has backed off bc they would have to read everything discussed between us and investigate it. Iíve been mainly working from home and thatís helping, but I have to go in the office time to time. I donít know what to do. I went to my doctor today and got put on an antidepressant and antianxiety that Im starting asap, but I know I still need to handle this. Not sure how though. This coworker used to be a good friend and is now my enemy per se. Iím beyond hurt and shocked by this. Iím at my whits end. The other colleagues tell me not to worry, but my brain wonít shut off.

  • #2
    What kinds of emails did you send? Ultra personal? Sexual innuendo?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Unfortunately between now and the time HR makes a move and decides what next to do, either issue warnings or disciplinary action to one or both parties, there's nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Get out and be among friends and family- people who know you and support you, those who are kind to you and would never secondguess you. I think your situation is a bit complicated though, CD, because I remember your first threads regarding this person at work and your sexual/romantic relationship with a coworker. Is this the same woman? Or a different one? You liked the attention it seems that she gave you and you were upset when your connection stopped or was disrupted. You were also doing a job search somewhere else to try and get out of this company because they were letting a lot of people go also and the morale was very low. Now might be a good time to re-focus your worries and re-direct it full throttle into a real job search. You mentioned that it was difficult to find a position at your level in your area in a previous thread. Are you prepared to move one step back for two steps forward in the long run?

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      • #4
        Just be honest, truthful and let them know you have nothing to hide nor deceitful. Employers value honesty above all else. It's when you conceal, hide or cover up that causes them to question your integrity. People make mistakes and employers tend to cut you slack if you tell the truth and if you're forthright. Employers tend to forgive when you are humble and tell the truth. If not, then the consequences could be severe.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Jesus, CD da man....do you think we don't read all the threads you've started and have a pretty educated idea what you're all about ?
          I think it's AWESOME that she's gone to HR about you !!!

          Perhaps now, you'll pay closer attention to your wife, and less to your female colleagues ! You just asked in another thread if we thought flirting was the same as cheating. WTF is the matter with you ??

          I imagine that the reason you aren't moving ahead at work, yet everyone else is, is because YOU DON'T DESERVE IT !

          Antidepressant and antianxiety medication ????? Please !
          Just stop being a dick and interfering physically with women who don't want you harassing them, and leave the promotions to those that have worked for them.

          You sound like the text book definition of a guy who's used to getting away with shit and having things your way, but society has finally stepped up to douchebags like you and put a stop to it.

          I hope you get what you deserve, and you better pray this doesn't get huge, and they get access to the shit you've brought up on this forum.
          The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by pistol View Post
            Jesus, CD da man....do you think we don't read all the threads you've started and have a pretty educated idea what you're all about ?
            I think it's AWESOME that she's gone to HR about you !!!

            Perhaps now, you'll pay closer attention to your wife, and less to your female colleagues ! You just asked in another thread if we thought flirting was the same as cheating. WTF is the matter with you ??

            I imagine that the reason you aren't moving ahead at work, yet everyone else is, is because YOU DON'T DESERVE IT !

            Antidepressant and antianxiety medication ????? Please !
            Just stop being a dick and interfering physically with women who don't want you harassing them, and leave the promotions to those that have worked for them.

            You sound like the text book definition of a guy who's used to getting away with shit and having things your way, but society has finally stepped up to douchebags like you and put a stop to it.

            I hope you get what you deserve, and you better pray this doesn't get huge, and they get access to the shit you've brought up on this forum.
            Oh and I bet you think she doesnít deserve anything to happen either Thanks for calling me a d-bag too. Very classy Btw this shit took place well over a month ago and havenít spoken to her so why now is my point. I came to this forum trying to get other perspectives on things and not to b humiliated. Ur parents must b proud

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            • #7
              Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
              What kinds of emails did you send? Ultra personal? Sexual innuendo?
              Definintely flirtation, but nothing sexual. Personal, yes in the sense that she disclosed indiscretion on hubandís behalf and I tried to soften it by telling her I had my affair. Her husband is in the military so I minimzied what he did to her and wish she wouldíve never told me. I can at least agree w/ Pistol that I fucked up and yeah Iíll b getting some repercussions to this, but I donít understand why Iím being villified? It takes two and Iíll accept part of that blame, but why would she make a big deal now when Iíve respected her wishes?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                Unfortunately between now and the time HR makes a move and decides what next to do, either issue warnings or disciplinary action to one or both parties, there's nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Get out and be among friends and family- people who know you and support you, those who are kind to you and would never secondguess you. I think your situation is a bit complicated though, CD, because I remember your first threads regarding this person at work and your sexual/romantic relationship with a coworker. Is this the same woman? Or a different one? You liked the attention it seems that she gave you and you were upset when your connection stopped or was disrupted. You were also doing a job search somewhere else to try and get out of this company because they were letting a lot of people go also and the morale was very low. Now might be a good time to re-focus your worries and re-direct it full throttle into a real job search. You mentioned that it was difficult to find a position at your level in your area in a previous thread. Are you prepared to move one step back for two steps forward in the long run?
                All of this is very true. I never looked at it as being sexual/romantic bc we kept it casual, but nonetheless inapprop. Yes Im referring to the same female colleague. Iím still job searching and in a fucked up way I want them to terminate me, but not in this fashion. I think sheís trying to say her work performance is being affected what about mine!?

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                • #9
                  You don't know why you're being vilified? Because you deserve it. You obviously don't have a clear understanding of personal boundaries in your life. Really, a forum full of strangers has humiliated you? Start being a man and owning up to your shortcomings. Your first instinct is to try to put blame on her as well instead of taking responsibility for a world-class lapse in judgment.

                  I hope you at least learn a lesson from all of this.
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                  • #10
                    Be careful with HR. What they're looking for in you is your lack of judgement and lack of discretion. What HR or society looks for is whether or not you can manage your life in general and at the personal level. (Same concept with criminal / financial background check as well.) It's the real world and unfortunately, that's what employers / HR measure you by. Society does, too. People make mistakes. All you can do at this point is to be honest, tell the truth and remain humble. Once you do that, you will show HR that you are not the deceitful type. Also, employers want to know what you'll do about it. They want to see if you're responsible and can fix it. They want to see how you handle your life because they want to know how your decision making or lack thereof is a reflection of how you make decisions on the job for their company. Employers want responsible people who not only take care of business but it all boils down to integrity, wise decisions and choices which spills over to the well-being of the company. I'm not saying it's right for the company to poke into your personal life but that's what they look for and if there are red flags, they get rid of them. Hope it is not the case for you. Live and learn. That is why as corny as it sounds, enforcing healthy boundaries pays off in the end or in life in general - - professional and personal. Also, thinking first before acting upon it. Thinking first before you speak, write or do anything. It's about self-control and a reflection of your character. That's what HR looks for and they want a professional atmosphere at the workplace. Those same rules are guidelines for personal life, too and when it's off track, that's when it gets messy, dramatic and painful. I'm sorry CD da man. Hope it works out for you.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      chanelle Thanks for the words of encouragement and the reality of the situation. I want this to b a lesson learned and move on. Iím just not sure why sheís going there w/ me a month later. I know sheís getting some coaching, but why would she do this period? She has a family too which baffles me. Supposedly she dropped the complaint and both of us would dodge bullets. Thatís why I used the word Ďvillifyí which a couple of other posters disagree with but I dont know what else to call it bc she wants to paint a bad picture of me regardless of her wrong doing(s). Iím really trying to get an understanding of why sheís doing this now and whyís she blaming me for her decreased work production? Iím sorry but nobody else Iíve talked to about this can make sense of that either.

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                      • #12
                        Realistically, HR doesn't care about your decision making skills if you're entry level or even at an intermediate level but it's good practice not to be involved romantically with anyone at work for the basic and most narcissistic reason of all: self-preservation and career-preservation. I wouldn't romanticize the idea of HR caring about you individually as a person and what your relation to the company is if you are on the lower-level spectrum or not management or a shareholder. Emotions are bound to get high and confused and not everyone is fair or kind in a fall out or misunderstanding. HR is bound by law to respond to any complaints regarding harassment in the workplace. It's not because any one person really cares about you.

                        Regarding your work performance and the stress caused by this situation: Again, spend time alone or with friends and family who encourage and support you. It's not that you're not entitled to feel but it does seem like you're continuing to make the same mistakes because of your belief that sexual or romantic overtures in a workplace are innocent. The reality is it isn't. On a personal level it's detrimental to your marriage and on the career level, it carries too many risks especially the risk of someone else sabotaging your career. The sooner you realize that the faster you'll realize where you went wrong the first time and grow forward.

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                        • #13
                          Anyhow Iím done with this forum. I thank most of you for being genuine and supportive, yet firm when needed. I donít appreciate being labeled by Ďnobodiesí and being ridiculed though. Not that some of u simpletons care or could give professional advice and I never expected that, but to be belittled and judged is not what I signed up for. I suppose some of u think ur perfect, right? Never made life mistakes? Itís really only a handful or so that have been unhelpful so the rest of u continue the good work and God bless t

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by CD da man View Post
                            chanelle Thanks for the words of encouragement and the reality of the situation. I want this to b a lesson learned and move on. Iím just not sure why sheís going there w/ me a month later. I know sheís getting some coaching, but why would she do this period? She has a family too which baffles me. Supposedly she dropped the complaint and both of us would dodge bullets. Thatís why I used the word Ďvillifyí which a couple of other posters disagree with but I dont know what else to call it bc she wants to paint a bad picture of me regardless of her wrong doing(s). Iím really trying to get an understanding of why sheís doing this now and whyís she blaming me for her decreased work production? Iím sorry but nobody else Iíve talked to about this can make sense of that either.
                            Some people are like her; they retaliate especially if they're internally upset and they wish to get rid of you in their midst. For some, it is human nature. For some, it is cut throat at the workplace. What you need to focus now is your employment survival so you can put this harsh lesson learned behind you. Concentrate on how to overcome the HR problem so you can have peace of mind in the future.
                            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                              Some people are like her; they retaliate especially if they're internally upset and they wish to get rid of you in their midst. For some, it is human nature. For some, it is cut throat at the workplace. What you need to focus now is your employment survival so you can put this harsh lesson learned behind you. Concentrate on how to overcome the HR problem so you can have peace of mind in the future.
                              Iím going to try and my thinking is that this too shall pass. At least Iím hoping and praying it does. Lol

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