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How do I play my cards right?

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  • How do I play my cards right?

    Hi all. Long story short, me and this girl have been trying to make plans for about a month. Our first 'date' was a fluke and a fiasco, just bad miscommunication. I have a separate post about that situation. She thought I stood her up but I was actually there the whole time, had no clue she was there. This was last week.

    She unblocked my number (I was blocked because she thought I stood her up, she blocked me on everything). She texted me and we talked it out. We are both collegiate athletes (Football and Volleyball) and go to school 30 minites away from eachother. She sent me a text saying that right now isn't a good time to try and meet up, which I understand, because she just transferred schools and wants to focus on volleyball and school right now. I transferred last year, so i understand where she's coming from. We began talking before she went off to school, once she got to her new school she decided to continue to be friends but wait till she gets more settled.

    Her and I have been busy, she sent me a text the other day but i didn't respond. Later that night, I got a notification that she added me as a friend on snapchat. (I have been blocked on there for a week, i was blocked after she thought I stood her up...), and when I didn't reply to her text, a couple hours later is when I saw she had just added me back. I THINK i like this girl, we haven't met yet...but I get a good vibe from her. She told me when we first met that she hadn't been in a relationship in a really long time. I have done everything good so far, and i don't want to screw it up. We haven't talked even NEARLY as much as we used to. I sent her a snap today but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I don't want to become impatient or seem pushy. I am a college football player and I am just as busy as she is right now. I have a clinical anxiety disorder...and sometimes I overthink things and tend to freakout when she doesn't reply. It goes away whenever she replies to me, sometimes she's just slow to reply. (We are both busy...I just get anxious all the time, everyday over little things). How do I relax and play this right?

  • #2
    If you are serious about being good in relationships and making them work, get PROFESSIONAL help with your anxiety and get it under control. You can think and think and think about how to play your cards correctly but, in the long run, anxiety destroys healthy relationships eventually.

    In the meantime, stop spending time trying to figure out what she (or anyone else) is thinking. You can't read minds and it's a waste of time. Send a text, leave a message, whatever, and then let it go. Unless it requires a response, assume she is busy and she'll respond when she can or wants to. And leave it at that.

    Good luck

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    • #3
      we haven't met yet...but I get a good vibe from her
      I'm not sure why you get a good vibe from someone that was too insensitive and self-absorbed to send you a text that she was waiting at the venue and instead sent you a bullshit text and then blanked you?
      Now she's TOO busy to meet you. Why are you getting yourself all in a tither over her? Leave her alone and let her contact you and if she doesn't then forget about her. You're both too busy to be in anything serious anyway and if on the odd chance you two do get together, you're in college and the chances you'll be together once you both get your careers started is next to none.

      Don't chase women who are not Jonesing to be with you. Let her chase you from now on.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        In order to play your cards right, arrange meeting somewhere, perhaps for a meal or something like that. Arrange a time together when both of you are not rushing around. At that time, have a discussion about your feelings and tell the truth. During your meeting, she will tell you where both of you stand in your relationship whether it's going to remain as friendship only OR if she's interested in developing a GF/BF relationship with you. It's best to get a clear picture of which direction your relationship is headed. It sounds to me, if she were truly interested in more than a friendship with you, she would prove it to you with more immediate correspondence. Apparently, she is extremely busy with her sports and college life which is understandable. Hope you get professional help regarding your anxiety. In the meantime, lower your expectations so you'll become less anxious. When you fantasize and expect too much, you'll become anxious and sorely disappointed whenever cards are not in your favor.

        Btw, college GF/BF relationships are extremely difficult to maintain. I know because I was there. I worked from 4PM to 1AM 40 hours a week, enrolled in college full time, typed term papers after I came home from my night shift job and attended a 7AM class all bleary eyed from sleep deprivation. There was too much on my plate to even think about maintaining a GF/BF dating relationship. No way. My life was too stressful as with most students during the thick of their frenetic pace. True joy began AFTER college life and the same was true for men when they were finished with college, too. That's when the fun began because there was more time!!! Keep that in mind.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          You have a lot on your plate. Don't be so desperate for a girl because that's what you are. You've got a lot going for you and you're not going anywhere fast with this kind of small-minded thinking. Think big picture. Play ball, kick ass in school, get into a major league or a great job. The women come later and at that point you'll probably have a better idea how to handle situations on your own.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by chanelle View Post
            In order to play your cards right, arrange meeting somewhere, perhaps for a meal or something like that. Arrange a time together when both of you are not rushing around. At that time, have a discussion about your feelings and tell the truth. During your meeting, she will tell you where both of you stand in your relationship whether it's going to remain as friendship only OR if she's interested in developing a GF/BF relationship with you.
            OP: You've not even had one freaking date with this chick. For the love of God... do not have that ^^^ kind of conversation on your first date.

            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            You have a lot on your plate. Don't be so desperate for a girl because that's what you are. You've got a lot going for you and you're not going anywhere fast with this kind of small-minded thinking. Think big picture. Play ball, kick ass in school, get into a major league or a great job. The women come later and at that point you'll probably have a better idea how to handle situations on your own.
            Solid ^^
            Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 8th, 2018, 09:45 PM.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment

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