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Why is it always my fault for my spouses indiscretions

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  • Why is it always my fault for my spouses indiscretions

    I recently found my wife was on eHarmony add an account and was talking to men. She lied to me about it she told me she put no pictures on it I found four she told me she never talked to anybody and she talked to 3 people one extensively and they spoke about personal stuff and sex. When she owned up to having this site account she denied talking to anyone. That was not true so I believe more happened. Before this happened a couple months ago she went to a wedding I could not go to a friend of mine sent me pictures of her interacting with a single man inappropriately on the Dance Floor. I called her at the wedding she said she never saw that guy I described. She said the pictures did not characterize what happened until the wedding photos came out and they were worse.

    She appears have a problem with the internet in the middle of the night because this is where everything happens. I cringe when I see her go on a computer. I need advice on how to get away from her before I go nuts.

  • #2
    I dont even know where to start with this, but her inapprop. behavior needs to stop now. Youíre going to have to be assertive about it with her and suggest going to couples counseling. You need a thrid party involved in this situation. She would also benefit from therapy for herself. Sadly I know of women like her and men that do the same. Why stay married if youíre not fulfilled? Unless of course both parties agree to an open marriage which is unconventional to say the least. At this point, it sounds like she may have an addiction but thatís without knowing her past history, etc. Is it fair to say that your communication is lacking, etc.? How long have you been married? Iím sorry to hear about all of this, but if the marriage is worth salvaging then maybe the counseling will help. Best of luck!

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    • #3
      Why did you title it "Why is it always my fault for my wives indiscretions"?

      When talking about it is she always blaming you? I would like to know the argument she puts forth. Because if you are listening you probably would get your answer.
      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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      • #4
        I need advice on how to get away from her before I go nuts.
        Get in touch with a lawyer (most will give you an hour free consultation) and ask what your rights and obligations are before you leave her. Once you know what you should and shouldn't do, you'll be more confident in making a decision to leave her and her bullshit behaviour.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          How long have you been married? Kids?
          How old are you two?
          If she were here, what would she be saying about your behavior or neglect that's driven her to seek attention elsewhere?

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          • #6
            Both of you need a long talk with each other and if that doesn't work, in-person professional counseling / therapy within your local community and not the Internet IMHO. There's something that doesn't add up in the marriage. That's what needs to be fixed in order to get to the root of the cause of her emotional cheating. There's a communication and empathy problem. Fix that first and then go from there.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #7
              Originally posted by CD da man View Post
              I dont even know where to start with this, but her inapprop. behavior needs to stop now. Youíre going to have to be assertive about it with her and suggest going to couples counseling. You need a thrid party involved in this situation. She would also benefit from therapy for herself. Sadly I know of women like her and men that do the same. Why stay married if youíre not fulfilled? Unless of course both parties agree to an open marriage which is unconventional to say the least. At this point, it sounds like she may have an addiction but thatís without knowing her past history, etc. Is it fair to say that your communication is lacking, etc.? How long have you been married? Iím sorry to hear about all of this, but if the marriage is worth salvaging then maybe the counseling will help. Best of luck!
              Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry I was not clear in describing my issue. One of my wife's friends I don't know who sent me an anonymous text with a link to a dating site. When I looked at it it was my wife. She denied us when I confronted her and told me somebody must be messing with her. I did not know what to do but I went to the site and put a password in that she used to use in an email account we used to have years ago. I felt like a creep but it let me in. She told me the account wasn't hers but it was. I confronted her again and she admitted it and was like so what. She said she put no pictures up and never communicated with anybody she said she was curious. I was obviously looking at many pictures of her on this site and she had many Communications with many guys. She had a lot of communication with one guy and it appears that it was like a relationship. The other guys were trying to Skype with her I'm not sure if they did. She denied all this. One night she lashed out at me that her friend was Daryl and they had internet sex. Then she said is that what you wanted to hear because it's not true. I don't know what to think about that.

              What she does to me and how she blames me is every time I mention this she goes back in time years ago and brings up something I did that had nothing to do with infidelity because I'm not a cheater. She gets mad yells cries and wants to throw things if I ask about it. When I originally confronted her with it I was on the phone looking at the site and she hung up on me and block me she went on the site and erased everything. As a matter of fact when I was on the phone talking to her I heard her computer startup I heard the Windows startup tone. Right before that tone happened she seemed preoccupied and I asked her what she was doing I asked her if she was on the computer she said no and then a few seconds later I heard the windows tone and everything was off the site.

              I'm tired of being made to think I'm crazy. I'm tired of her saying she doesn't remember anything on this site. I'm tired of being blamed for it. I have done nothing to deserve this. I would have liked to have known there was an issue prior to this incident. Thank you for replying I really appreciate you taking the time out and talkin to me. Thanks again


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              • #8
                Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                How long have you been married? Kids?
                How old are you two?
                If she were here, what would she be saying about your behavior or neglect that's driven her to seek attention elsewhere?
                Interested in addressing these questions?

                Comment

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