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My wife cheated need closure ???

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  • My wife cheated need closure ???

    Me and my wife been married for over 9 years, only couple of days ago she dropped a bomb shell on me saying sheís been cheating on me with my best friend, my heart sunk, I was heart broken to be hearing this. We got married in 2009 till now we still together in 2018. The affair started in 2013 till 2018 which is over 5 years. I donít know what to think or to say to her., I asked why sheís doing this to me and what did I do to her to treat me that way, as I have been a loving caring husband always supported her, and she lives with me in my house, no kids, she tells me its all her fault, she didnít intend to hurt me in any way sheís says sheís remorseful and she couldnít go on with the lies anymore and it was just sex with him, it didnít mean anything I canít tell u guys how Iím feeling right now as I have not drank or ate in 3 days.

    I just want to crawl into a whole.

  • #2
    I'm sorry. How about professional in-person counseling? Some people change, apologize, they're remorseful, make amends and prove they will not be the same person as before during their moment of weakness. Then again, some people don't change so it's hard to say. For me, personally, I have a hard time looking at a person the same way after they've lied to me. Deception, lying and betrayal all mean the same thing to me. I have major trust issues. (Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me or once bitten twice shy.) Hopefully, time and her proving herself to you with good behavior will help patch up your marriage.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      Cal, what would you like to see happen? Does she want to continue her affair? If so, you must end your relationship.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


      • #4
        The affair started in 2013 till 2018 which is over 5 years.
        This is not a "moment of weakness" this is an ongoing affair with plenty of time to think about what you are doing and how it could affect others.
        There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.


        • #5
          Well, what she did is inexcusable and I'm sorry this has happened to you.
          This wasn't a one off, a brief fling. This was a five year affair. That's not something that I think any relationship could come back from.

          Sarah asks a good question by asking you what you would like to see happen. It will be very interesting to read what your wife is hoping her confession will accomplish.

          What about your so called "best friend?" Have you had a conversation with him about how he betrayed you in such a bastardly manner?

          Cal... please go to your doctor and explain to him that you're unable to eat or drink and liquids due to this devastating situation. Hopefully he will provide you with some mild anti-anxiety meds to get you able to take in some nutrients. He/she may even refer you to a therapist to help you process this mess your wife has left you in.
          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; February 4th, 2018, 02:00 PM.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            Cal Iím so sorry to hear that. I agree w/ Chanelle that individual counseling would be beneficial for you especially cognitive behavioral therapy. The only thing I agree with your wife is that itís all her doing but now what. I believe you still love her and what she did was devastating, which I know this same feeling as itís happened to me in the past. Talk to family, friends and a professional to help sort out your feelings/emotions. Youíre grieving right now and thatís normal. Take good care!