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Breaking Up Advice

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  • Breaking Up Advice

    Hello all and happy Friday! I created a post called “Stick it out or end things?” Which basically explained my situation in my current relationship and with everyone’s help and lots of sleepless nights that I spent thinking about it, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. He is an amazing guy, has never done anything but give 100% into our relationship however I don’t have any romantic feelings toward him and I think I would be happier single than in a relationship with no spark on my side. Not fair to either of us. My question is, how should I break up with him? I’ve never done this before. For sure it will be in person and I’m thinking perhaps in the front porch of his house but other than that, im not sure what to do or say or how long the conversation should be? Also, I see him a lot because we go to the same church and have friends in common, what should I do when I see him? I have no problem being nice and friendly because I see him as a friend but I know he is going to be very hurt. Thank you guys in advance, I’m so grateful to have found this forum and to have people out there care about my worries. You guys rock!

  • #2
    No, he's not going to be happy.

    I think it's important when you break up not to try to put blame on someone, either you or him. It's no one's fault. One can't force oneself to feel romantic towards someone. You could say something like this:

    "Gerald, I haven't been happy for a while now. I'm very fond of you, but I don't think we're right for each other. I don't see the point of continuing the way we are. I hope you'll understand that you haven't done anything wrong. I just don't think we're a good fit."
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      There’s never an easy way to break up w/ somebody period. A female work colleague of mine recently broke off our friendship and that stung enough so ending a relationship will be more difficult and is from my past experiences. I agree that you need to end it though and in person. Basically tell him everything you said on here and phrase it like Sarah said. Yes his ego will be will be affected, but you can’t go on living a lie so to speak and it won’t benefit him in the long run anyhow. I think it’s great that you care how he will feel and that says something about your character Best of luck!

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      • #4
        When you do have the conversation with him, like Sarah said, go ahead and ask him what would make him comfortable. Ask him if he'd like to continue talking to you or if he's gonna need some space. Of course, you should go into that conversation knowing what "you" need too. If he needs space, that's fine, but tell him you'll still be attending church so he can be aware. I think that's the nice thing to do.
        "Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity" ~ Edwin Hubbel Chapin

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        • #5
          Be honest and don't get all emotional. Remain calm, tell the truth how you feel, be respectful no matter how his reaction will be and sometimes it's ugly before there's a calm after the storm. I'm hoping he'll be mature and unemotional about the break up.

          At church, remain natural, kind, cordial and polite but don't feel connected as girlfriend material anymore. Ties are cut and treat it as such. Keep it brief but not cold. Be gentle and show class since you're initiating the break up. He will be hurt, of course and over time he will heal. Since it will be awkward to cross paths at church, revert back to an acquaintance and follow his cue. If he's letting you know you should keep your distance than do it. If he wants to be cordial and polite, then be the same. Give him the same treatment he gives you in public. And, also, again, stay calm and don't get all dramatic with crying. Keep it together. If there are tears, it's natural but don't go balling and bubbling your tears out like a drama queen fountain. No one likes that. Practice good diplomacy.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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          • #6
            Thank you everyone!

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            • #7
              It's only been six weeks, so I doubt he'll be devastated. As the others have said, just be honest.

              That said, DO NOT go immediately into another relationship. At least take a break for as long as you dated this guy. To jump immediately into another relationship sends the message that the loss of this relationship, and therefore this guy, meant nothing to you. That will hurt him as much as the breakup itself.

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