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After 6 months of dating he suddenly dumps me over whatts app

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  • After 6 months of dating he suddenly dumps me over whatts app

    Hi there,

    I'm a 27 year old woman. I've been in contact with a man (31 years old) for 8 months and we have been seeing each other for 6 months. We had fun dates and have been sleeping together for a couple of months now.

    Last sunday we saw each other. We slept together and went out to get some drinks. It was fun (or so i thought). Then suddenly a couple of days later he said he didnt want to meet up anymore. He said he met someone else and the distance was suddenly a factor (30 minutes with the train). Also now we have nothing in common he says. That sunday he said all this things to me:
    - i would want to see you more often
    - i could see you everyday
    - i really like sleeping (just sleeping) next to you
    - im into you
    - it's actually not that far
    - he suggested we go on a date this weekend (he plannend it)
    - and he gave me al kinds of compliments
    - every time i see you it's so much fun
    - i'm, searching for a new job and he said i shoudl look for one in his town

    At times he even invited me to two of his close friends bday party (i couldn make it). but still. it looks so weird to me.

    Now all of the sudden he acts so cold in just three days. He unfollowed me on instagram directly for example. I just ended saying i liked meeting him and i dont think he's a jerk. He never responded again. He knows i dont date that much and that i have never slept with someone the way i did with him (so many times etc.). On sunday we still had sex and after we went out we ended up kissing on his way back to the station. There was no clue that after that he didnt wanted to see me.

    I feel so trown away now. Do i overreact or is it just not oke to do this over whatts ap after that amount of time? Even a call would have been oke (i tried to call but he didnt answer) Even if he has met someone else and doesnt want to see how things would work out between us, is it too much to ask for a normal conversation if only 15 minutes? He has said so many things (how i am welcome to come over whenever i want etc.) and never gave me the idea he didnt like me.

    It really hurts my feelings and all i want is to talk about it like normal adults so i can close it as well. I'm gonna be in his town this weekend visiting a friends. I want to ask him to meet up just so we can end it as adults. I'm not angry that he doesnt want to see if things work out (even though he didnt need to act like he did) but i'm more angry about the whatts app thing and cold behaviour. I'm don't wanna make drama or yell at him i just want to close it normally. Should i try to send him and how?
    Last edited by anoukje12; February 1st, 2018, 09:59 AM.

  • #2
    What a difference a few days make.

    Words are cheap. He may have marginally meant all those things when he said them. But then he met someone he liked better and suddenly the 30 minute train ride was burdensome.

    It really wasn't about the train ride; it was about wanting to end it with you, which he had the perfect right to do. Did he call you to break up or do it over text? If text, that was pretty rotten.

    Don't feel thrown away. You had some good times with him, but as the song says, it was just 'one of those things.' PLEASE do NOT contact him again. You don't need to ask him to end it again. He has already ended it. Don't force him to be rude to you. It is what it is. You say you don't want to make drama, but if you contact him and play the pathetic victim, you will be creating huge drama. Save your dignity and chalk it up to experience.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      What a difference a few days make.

      Words are cheap. He may have marginally meant all those things when he said them. But then he met someone he liked better and suddenly the 30 minute train ride was burdensome.

      It really wasn't about the train ride; it was about wanting to end it with you, which he had the perfect right to do. Did he call you to break up or do it over text? If text, that was pretty rotten.

      Don't feel thrown away. You had some good times with him, but as the song says, it was just 'one of those things.' PLEASE do NOT contact him again. You don't need to ask him to end it again. He has already ended it. Don't force him to be rude to you. It is what it is. You say you don't want to make drama, but if you contact him and play the pathetic victim, you will be creating huge drama. Save your dignity and chalk it up to experience.
      No it was a message. At first through instagram and i respondend on whatts app. I mean like come one after saying those things can you cant even give someone a call?

      I do feel thrown away because if he would have just called or tell me in person i could look back at is as a good time. Now i cant because he's cold and now i doubt every moment we spend together.

      He has the right to end things and that is not my point at all. I mean it happens and it's oke. Its the way he did it that hurts the most.

      Comment


      • #4
        It's a pretty cowardly way to end things. Don't take it personally. He has probably ended every fling so far through some non-confrontational and distant medium to avoid having to face these girls himself. Pick yourself back up and move on.

        On a side note - the way you describe your time with him:
        - I've been in contact with a man...
        - We've been seeing each other...
        - We've been sleeping together...
        - We've had fun dates...

        Sounds like there was zero commitment between the two of you. Just a casual friend with benefits situation. No real solid commitment anyway. Lovey dovey things that are said after sex don't really count.
        Maybe that's exactly what you wanted from him, and that's fine. But if you're actually looking for something more, like a relationship, it's not a great idea to let a guy just hook up with you for months without defining what the nature of your relationship is. It could also explain why he broke up with you so coldly. There wasn't really a relationship to 'break up' from. You were just dating.

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        • #5
          I'm sure it is hurtful. It was a shitty thing to do after 6 months of dating. But that should tell you something about his character. He's a coward, and you should feel grateful that a coward ended it with you.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Ayla View Post
            It's a pretty cowardly way to end things. Don't take it personally. He has probably ended every fling so far through some non-confrontational and distant medium to avoid having to face these girls himself. Pick yourself back up and move on.

            On a side note - the way you describe your time with him:
            - I've been in contact with a man...
            - We've been seeing each other...
            - We've been sleeping together...
            - We've had fun dates...

            Sounds like there was zero commitment between the two of you. Just a casual friend with benefits situation. No real solid commitment anyway. Lovey dovey things that are said after sex don't really count.
            Maybe that's exactly what you wanted from him, and that's fine. But if you're actually looking for something more, like a relationship, it's not a great idea to let a guy just hook up with you for months without defining what the nature of your relationship is. It could also explain why he broke up with you so coldly. There wasn't really a relationship to 'break up' from. You were just dating.
            He didn't just say this things after sex.. No officially we where not in a relationship. But after 6 months of dates, having contact a lot in between. Sending me a lot. Saying a lot of things etc. dont the other person deserves something more?

            He knew i never have dated much, i never slept with anyone like with him (that many times) and it's not like we just met up and had sex (like a hook up).

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            • #7
              Wait!!! You weren't officially in a relationship??????

              End of story. Move on, please.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by anoukje12 View Post

                He didn't just say this things after sex.. No officially we where not in a relationship. But after 6 months of dates, having contact a lot in between. Sending me a lot. Saying a lot of things etc. dont the other person deserves something more?

                He knew i never have dated much, i never slept with anyone like with him (that many times) and it's not like we just met up and had sex (like a hook up).
                The duration doesn't really play a factor in what you deserve from him. The fact that you had dates in between the sex doesn't matter either.
                Like I said before, yes I agree he made a dick move ending things over text. But that's what you get by allowing men to be a part of your life without any commitment. This is the kind of man you'll attract if you don't set the bar high enough and expect nothing from them.
                You basically made it clear to him that it was okay for him to date you and sleep with you and that you had no other expectations of him.
                Why would he think you had any expectations towards him on the way he dumps you? Who were you to him other than a girl he casually dated and slept with?

                The casual dating phase where you just get to know each other with no strings attached has to end at some point (i repeat, unless you just wanted a friend with benefits, which is perfectly okay). The fact that you hadn't progressed into a relationship after 6 months of sleeping together, means it was never going to happen anyway.
                Some guys want relationships. However, plenty of guys are perfectly happy with just casual sex, sometimes for years on end. You need to make your expectations clear and set the bar high enough.

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                • #9
                  He's a shit head, that's a given and I'm sorry that he's caused you this pain by being such a callous asshole.
                  That being said: He's not going to give you any closure other then what he's already given you so don't lower yourself to contact him again... It won't help you, in fact, all it will do is cause you to have more questions. Get your closure from within and do so by vowing to not sleep with a guy until you've had a conversation about exclusivity (at the very least) and commitment (as an ideal). You didn't even ask him if you two were exclusive and since he says he has met someone else, he was clearly not being exclusive while seeing you.

                  Silently thank him for teaching you how to be more dating savvy in the future. I'm sure you won't be sleeping with anyone without the exclusive talk in the future. In the meantime, he's given you the gift of having sex "many times" so you have that wonderful experience to take forward with you.

                  Feel better soon.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I agree with everyone else he was misleading and callous for pouring empty words on you. But I also think you are a bit misinformed or not as informed as you should be about dating these days. I had no idea what casual dating was not long ago. It's common for people to see more than one person during the dating phase so you should pick and choose carefully and clarify that very early on. There are still individuals who will only date one person at a time but many don't. Some men will tell you they are seeing other people upfront and others won't.

                    Here's another thing I found too: men will also treat you differently if you are a woman who casually dates. There's a very very obvious double standard so if you are serious about a guy, be upfront about it. And if you don't believe in casual dating or you are searching for something more serious, stick to your beliefs and don't sink low to status quo just because other people are doing it. It's not worth it and it won't be enjoyable because it's just not you.

                    Chalk this one up to experience, pick yourself up and move on. There'll be a day you won't even remember his name.

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                    • #11
                      He sounds like he just used you and then when he grew tired, he discarded you at his convenience. I'm sorry. Some guys are this way. They're immature and non-committal. No matter what age they are, they're still playing the field and sowing their oats. Since this guy dumped you, consider it wisdom gained for your future. Whirlwinds are just that, whirlwinds so beware of going too fast too soon in relationships. In the future, be cautious, take it slow and most of all, beware of charmers who tell you what you want to hear at the moment, got you hooked line and sinker, they got what they wanted which was intimacy and then they decide to move on without a care in the world about what you think. Your feelings don't matter and when your feelings don't matter to them, it's your wake up call to realize that is not love. A great guy has integrity and class. Be with those types.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                      • #12
                        I don't think he did too much wrong by you to be honest. You casually dated. You slept with him knowing it wasnt exclusive . Or at least most assume not unless actually discuss it.
                        Of course he likes sleeping next to you . Who doesn't like to spoon?
                        Yes it would be more convenient if he didn't have to get a 30 minute train ride so hell yeah get a job in his town!?
                        All of these things are flippant words.
                        How often did he jump on the train to see you? And how often did you?
                        You need to start paying more attention to actions not words.
                        He clearly was seeing others in the past 6 months.
                        He didn't end it overnight with you for a girl he just met. He simply made a decision of one over the other. Weighed up the pros and cons. But don't let it affect your self esteem, each to their own.
                        He is with someone else and contacting him would be futile.

                        Just learn from the experience!
                        You have done well to ask on here before contacting him!
                        Delete his number x

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                        • #13
                          I would dump him back. He sounds like a loser.
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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