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I can't stand my Boyfriend's Best Friend.

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  • I can't stand my Boyfriend's Best Friend.

    Ok, so I can't stand my boyfriend's best friend. I've been with my boyfriend for five years now and I love him. We've always had the same friends for many years and I've always got on with all of them. A few years back, he started hanging round with a large group of people. I started Uni about the same time and when I've been coming back to hang out with him and his mates I always get on with them...

    Well, except for one. This lad, we'll call Don. I don't know what it is about him but I just can't stand the guy. Everyone keeps talking about how funny and good looking he is but I just think he's an annoying, self absorbed twat. All he does is go on about doing work for charity and going out partying. He seems to be everyone's favorite person, every time I've gone out he's the center of attention and when he's not there, then everyone keeps going on about how they wish he was out. He had a girlfriend at the time who was really nice and I got on with but everyone kept saying crap like "Don's too good for her" which I couldn't understand and when they broke up I had to sit through everyone telling him how great he is. Even my Uni mates love him and keep inviting round. At this point I had realized it was own issue so I kept my mouth shut and just dealt with it. I have tried to be friends with him but everything he does just winds me up.

    Well about a year ago, my boyfriend started to get really close with Don and they started hanging out all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean literally all the time. They live down the road from each other and are constantly around each other's houses, my boyfriend has even started to cancel on me. I've expressed how annoying it is when I'm expecting him over and it turns out he's gone out drinking with Don or some stupid shit and they just poopoo away the fact my making a joke out of it. He even brought Don round to my house and my parents have fallen in love with him and keep mentioning him all the time.

    I've also expressed my annoyance of Don to my two best friends but then out of nowhere one of them, Jess starts dating Don. I thought it was a joke when I first heard about it but then I had to listen to her constantly talking about him. I've been dragged on loads of double dates with them and I still can't stand him. They broke up over Christmas and I was delighted but all of a sudden everyone has started falling around him and I barely see my boyfriend because he's always out with Don. I thought at the very least I can start seeing Jess more now but all she's done is tell me how much she misses him and now they're getting back together.

    I've tried really hard to like the guy but I just don't see what everyone else is seeing and he's becoming an interference with my life. I was supposed to be going away with my boyfriend over the weekend but it got cancelled because he ended up going camping with him... and then again I was going for a meal with Jess and my other best friend, Chelsea but it turns out they went out with Don.

    I know it's my problem but it's really started to get on my nerves now. You can call me a bitch, but I shouldn't have to like someone if I don't want to and I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend over this.

  • #2
    This seems like an issue with your boyfriend's bad boyfriend traits. Don's just another guy. I think you need another boyfriend and don't go home so often. The same stale crowd stunts growth and happiness especially at your age. You need new stimulation and you should be engaged in a lot more other things.


    • #3
      Does 'Don' like you, Leigh? Is he personable and kind to you?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        If my boyfriend kept cancelling plans with me to go out with his friend, that would be the end of it. Why are you tolerating this disrespect? Have you talked to your boyfriend and laid out some ground rules for your relationship?

        Maybe you need to find a new boyfriend.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


        • #5
          I think you're channeling your disappointment in your boyfriend and your anger towards your bf and friends for blowing you off through Don.
          Basically, Don has done nothing wrong. It's the fact that people who's attention YOU want, seem to prefer Don over you. That's what's getting to you.
          You want to be Don. You want to be the person your bf prefers to spend time with. You want to be the one who's missed in the crowd when you're not there. You want to be the center of attention, who everyone thinks is great and beautiful and nice.

          This all stems back to your own insecurity. Have you ever experienced a lack of approval from people in your life, like your parents? Are you the kind of friend that gets taken for granted? When you say your bf and your friends just blow you off to hang out with someone else and you don't make a big deal of it, it seems to me that you are. That's not Don's fault. It's yours. You let them get away with that.
          Grow some backbone and stop letting people treat you like crap. And stop blaming Don.
          You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


          • #6
            Well I love my boyfriend, we've been through a lot together, I don't want to end it with him otherwise I wouldn't be on here. My boyfriend, I'll just call him Bill. Bill's the nicest guy in the world tbh, hasn't a bad bone in his body and I think he just gets carried away when he meets new people. It's not like he's cancelling on me all the time, every time. It's just that when he and I are both off from work, we would normally meet and do stuff. It just seems a lot of the time I do ring him to see if he wants to do something, he's already made plans with Don. I've seen Bill all week and this weekend and it's been lovely. But last night he seemed to be in a bit of a mood while we were having dinner. I asked why and it's because Don and his other friends were having a lads' night. I asked if he was moody because he was out with me and not them and he said no but I could tell he was irritated.

            It's not like he's ever been a dick about it or anything, I've talked to him about it and he's always apologized and made up for it when he has cancelled.

            Well the thing with Don is that he's a nice guy, I guess but I just find it really hard to even talk to him. Our conversations are uncomfrtable and he seems like he'd rather be talking to anyone other than me. I asked my friend, Jess about this and she said it's because I make him feel uncomfortable. We had an argument a few months back. Basically, I'd expressed my annoyance how Bill was spending all his time with Don since he was at his house from Sunday to Sunday one week. Well one night we were all out at a bar and we were all very drunk. Well Don had said something calling me a brat or something and Jess and Bill didn't say anything. I started crying and Bill came over to apologize for Don, saying he was just drunk and getting irritated by me constantly "picking on him".

            We apologized to each other the next day but he seemed like he wasn't too bothered. Call me jealous or whatever, maybe that is the case, I just know my life was a lot happier when Bill and everyone I know wasn't best friends with him.


            • #7
              Why are you "always picking" on Don? If you're actually doing that then its no wonder you feel uncomfortable talking to him. You know, you'd be a whole lot happier if you and Don actually got along and you and Bill hung out rather then Bill leaving you to hang out with Bill.

              I just know my life was a lot happier when Bill and everyone I know wasn't best friends with him.
              You can't isolate Bill from his friends. Rather then fight Don, how about you try your best to join Bill and "everyone you know" instead of 'fighting' him and everyone you know?
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


              • #8
                Have you tried having a lengthy discussion with your boyfriend about Don? Your boyfriend needs boundaries with Don. It's up to you whether your type of boyfriend is worth it since he doesn't seem to mind spending loads of time with the life of the party aka Don. A boyfriend is usually devoted to his girlfriend and spends at least a reasonable amount of time with her. That's what a normal relationship should be. Hope you can work it out with your boyfriend over this Don problem. If not, then your boyfriend is letting you know what your future with him will be which is ultimately your decision whether or not you envision a long term relationship with him or not.

                I'm married. When I was dating my husband, sure he had friends and a close friend but he didn't hang out with friends and his close friend excessively. Now that we're married, he still has a few friends and a close local friend and again, he doesn't socialize with any of them to the point of too much. There's a happy medium there. I would see red if it were otherwise.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


                • #9
                  Well it does appear that you are jealous of Don. Do you knock him down in conversation by arguing points etc?
                  Im sure your friend jess has told him exactly what you think of him.
                  So Don knows, Bill knows and you wonder then why Bill arranges to hang out with Don without you?

                  It also seems that Bill makes plans with Don when you had no prior plans with Bill so therefore Bill is not cancelling plans with you , he is simply not available. And you get the shits.

                  Why can't you just ask Bill to let you know when he has plans with Don so that you won't expect him to be available last minute and can make your own plans with friends.

                  No, you don't have to like the guy but yes you should tolerate him and respect the fact that Bill wants to maintain a friendship with him.
                  Stop picking on him and remain neutral.


                  • #10
                    Bill still sounds like a dud. Sorry. I'm not sure why you're hanging around people who irritate you so much. I personally don't find easily swayed men attractive. Like I said, develop your own friendships outside this circle.