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Amazing new job - but partner refuses to move... advice please?

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  • Amazing new job - but partner refuses to move... advice please?

    I have just been offered a fantastic new job that sadly does require me to move across to the other side of the country (it's the U.K) my partner of a nearly two years has said he will not move, it's understandable, no one wants to leave family and friends. But, this job finally gets me on the right career path - I'm only in my early twenties and a year and a half out of university. But, he is someone that I see a long future with. I don't want to turn this sort of job down as I have no idea when it'll happen again, but I also do not want to lose him? It's making me miserable, but I have no clue what to do. Do I leave him? Try to convince him to long distance (for now) or say no to the job?

    I know it seems like perhaps and obvious choice, but I'm a lost cause at this point. My perfect partner, or my perfect job?

  • #2
    Your perfect job, I don't know how old you are but partners will come and go. I just had this EXACT same thing happen to me and I made the WRONG choice. I chose the partner and I am regretting it to the MAX
    There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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    • #3
      He obviously doesn't see a long future with YOU.

      Whatever you do, do NOT turn down this job. If he loves you, he'll make it work out. What kind of a job does he have?
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        Move to the new fantastic job. Whatever he is, there's another one like him. Trust me. If you stay you're going to be the same frog in the hole with lost opportunities, bitterness, feeling empty and angry with the world. You're just a little zygote, only in your twenties. Don't let this pass you by. Grow!

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        • #5
          What were his reasons for not wanting to move with you?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Until he is in a committed relationship (i.e. married), it would be foolish for him to give up life to follow his partner and it would be foolish of you to give up the career you're seeking for him.

            Are you male or female?

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            • #7
              Go for the job!
              Partners come and go, especially at your age. Don't be held down.
              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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              • #8
                Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                What were his reasons for not wanting to move with you?
                His main reasons are simply his family and friends, but its understandable.


                He's also an optometrist. But, I can see where you're all coming from, I suppose it's a case of take the job. See what happens? If it ends it ends, if it doesn't then great!

                Thanks for the advice. It's somehow just easier when you have an outsider give some advice! Thanks!!

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                • #9
                  I just can't imagine my husband not wanting to move with me, especially if he had the kind of job that was movable. I guess this tells you where you stand.
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                  • #10
                    I guess this tells you where you stand.
                    I guess he could say the same thing about her and her choice. There are lots of people that don't want to leave family and friends and it really doesn't speak to where she stands but rather common sense. He's got a practice started (I would think) that would have to be started up all over unless he paired up with someone already established, his roots are where they live now and so are hers. He will likely be very hurt and have to go through some grieving of the loss of the relationship (which will surely happen if neither of them are going to give in.) He may love her (and she him) but loving someone isn't enough to keep two people together.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #11
                      I certainly see your point; however, 'friends ad family' wouldn't be a strong enough reason for two people who were deeply in love to separate.

                      I don't think either one of them is 100% committed to each other if
                      a) she is willing to move and let the chips fall where they may and
                      b) He isn't willing to move.

                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                      • #12
                        Sure, but "love" isn't enough to keep people together. There are a million other reasons that have to be in place for the relationship to survive. They have different goals and I know a few people that were crushed when they chose to leave someone they loved because to stay would be settling. Both would have to want to uproot for their relationship to survive regardless of how much in love they were.

                        I give him credit for not doing something he knows wouldn't sit well with him in the long run. Better to break up now then to leave, be unhappy and then have to start up all over yet again when he can't make it by faking it any longer.

                        Anyway, Time will tell I guess but I don't think any relationship that is basically permanently long distance can survive.

                        Cheers.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          true dat.

                          Both of them have made a stand on their relationship.
                          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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