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Ladies, i need some ideas!!

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  • Ladies, i need some ideas!!

    My significant other and I are on a break after a 10 year relationship. We both still love each other but that spark has faded and things have gotten pretty boring lately. So in an effort to help us in not completely giving up i chose to leave her in our home while i stayed with a friend for a while. Well things are starting to look up a little and sometime soon I'm going to visit her at our home for just a (hopefully)fun couple of hours. Sure we are going to have great conversations, we still do that over the phone. But I want to make something more of it. I DON'T want it to be boring. I've been trying to think of something more we can do BESIDES just talk or have sex lol so when I leave that night she will be sad that I left and will secretly be looking forward to the next time I come over. Basically I want to leave her lonely and missing my company. Any ideas are welcome. This one can be saved. Please chime in.... thanks!

  • #2
    Sometimes constant "excitement" can get old and boring really fast. A lot of times the spark can be just calmness and enjoying each others company without having to do something all the time or go somewhere. Or, perhaps you two can find some interests which aren't physical every time. 10 years is a long time and almost being married to be in a long term relationship that long. How about other forms of spark such as intellectual pursuits, museums or lifestyle changes such as fitness? Or, if she's the romantic type how about giving her a bouquet of flowers every once in a while and enjoy a night on the town? A nice restaurant? Movies? Maybe a change of scenery would keep the spark alive. If both of you are the hyper types and not the one to sit at home and watch a good movie, try having an excursion or special date night to look forward to. Just trying to throw ideas out there.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      I think the biggest mistake people make nowadays is thinking that a relationship needs to be filled with excitement and passion from day 1 until you're both old and gray. I blame Hollywood lol
      Just accept it already. Every long-term relationship is going to lose that primary excitement. In good relationships, love and stability and mutual care and respect for each other takes that place. That doesn't mean just roll over and let things get boring. Of course there are things you can do to keep the sparks flying and to keep challenging each other. Just don't expect it to be as much of a thrill as the day you met her.

      So what can you do to make that day more memorable?
      Try making a romantic playlist with music that means something to the two of you, and play it while you take turns giving each other massages.
      Take her to the place where you had your first kiss
      Buy some body paint and decorate each others bodies
      ...
      Plenty of possibilities, just be creative

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      • #4
        Hi there,
        Sometimes, staying with the same person for years becomes our habit and that is when we start taking that person for granted. I think the same has happened to you and your partner. In a relationship, it becomes very important to spend some quality time with each other. This makes you feel loved. When you meet her, make her feel special as if she is the world to you. Trust me, women love caring more than sex! Tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you. of course, don't forget to bring her a bouquet of red roses. Her heart will melt and even if you are gone, she'll crave for your company. For more ideas, you can check this post:



        Thanks and don't forget to let us know if everything goes well!
        Last edited by SarahLancaster; January 31st, 2018, 08:28 AM. Reason: Advertising website removed.

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        • #5
          There's no point giving you ideas now. You have to learn to come up with them yourself and it should be spontaneous and from the heart. If you don't know what makes her happy, I don't think this can be saved and you're prolonging the inevitable. If you have to do jumping jacks and unique tricks to keep her enthralled, she's not for you. She obviously sounds like the one who's getting bored. If someone is behaving that way towards you and you have to work so hard to get her attention back, maybe the problem is also with her. You can't fix someone else's perceptions, their depression, melancholy, lousy view of the world or their view about you. Unless you feel you need to make it up to her for being a dick, I really don't think you should be working so hard to entertain anyone. She can take that and gorge on it on her movie nights alone too. You also moved out of your home. She sounds ridiculous and you are acting like a pushover.
          Last edited by Rose Mosse; January 31st, 2018, 08:26 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by NicktheGreat View Post
            .....My significant other and I are on a break after a 10 year relationship. .....
            I'd have to start with asking why, after 10 years, she is only your "significant other". Are you not married? Why not?



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            • #7
              Keep in mind, separate time away from each other every once in a while, pursuing your own interests (hobbies? fitness? academic? friends?) makes you more interesting and less boring when you are together. For long term relationships, there isn't excitement all the the time. The spark is there when absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you're together too much, of course the relationship will grow stale and boredom sets in. Give each other space and then the spark is there because you look forward to being together after being apart and doing your own thing. Being together especially in a long term relationship (or marriage) doesn't mean the spark is there 24/7. Be careful because boredom can be associated with 'I'm sick of you and bored.' Keep the relationship fresh by becoming an interesting person within yourself and being independent every now and then.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                Ok so the whole reason this happened was exactly what Ayla said. She feels that she still loves me but she's not in love anymore like we are just best friends. I told her I felt somewhat the same but I didn't feel like we should just suddenly end everything without trying to fix it. That is why I left because staying there wasn't going to fix anything. I know it's not true with EVERYONE but after so long the spark that you had when you first met goes away and it does turn into more of a best friend/companionship. She said she doesn't think it should be like that. So I asked her to ask other couples about there relationships. Of course though the first person she asks is her friend who tells her that the spark never fades and she should look elsewhere. There's a lot more to this but I need to go to bed lol but anyway we go out, we go on dates, we travel weekly, we share the same interests, we hardly ever fight because we agree on almost everything. It seems almost perfect but Idk now. She has been calling me or texting me nightly for what seems like excuses just to talk so it seems like it's getting better. I just want that night to be different so it's just not like a normal night Idk hard to explain but I gotta sleep for now goodnight!

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                • #9
                  I've been married a long time so I think I know a thing or two about long term relationships. I can't speak for everyone but for me sure, it's not the same as engagement or newlywed spark. I wouldn't call it boredom. For some who are happy in long term relationships or marriage, it's about becoming comfortable without the expectation of endless sparks. Initial infatuation evolves into enduring love which is the mature part of the relationship. It's unspoken communication to understand, respect, honor and trust one another as we are very settled. Life is abnormal if there's never ending spark IMHO. The vibe ebbs and flows but there's nothing wrong with that. Idk, personally I'm still in love, not just best friends even though I'm no longer in ga-ga mode. Internal spark is always there but it's not fireworks 24/7. Perhaps it's due to mellowing over time but it's still everlasting.

                  As for you, you've lasted 10 years with your girlfriend and for those 10 years, both of you did something right. After 10 years, will this lead to marriage? If you're both unsure where your direction is in your relationship and if it's getting better as you say, then talk / text as both of you have been doing.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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