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Am I Nuts Thinking She's Nuts? (Female Input Preferred)

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  • Am I Nuts Thinking She's Nuts? (Female Input Preferred)

    Hi All,

    So, a good friend of mine recently invited me to his place to watch the Super Bowl. Although my girlfriend works 12 hours every Sunday, I invited her by sending a text that even though she's working and doesn't like football, she is invited. You know, just to let her know she's welcome and that I thought of her, rather than telling her on that Sunday what I was doing and getting yelled at because I didn't invite her. So I thought I did the good thing. BUT, her reply stated, "Why donít you ever say you want me to go? Makes me feel like you donít. I don't like that."

    An hour-long phone conversation ensued. Basically I didn't invite her properly, by specifically using the words "I want you to be there."
    Now I'm still in the dog house because I can't admit doing this wrong. Am I nuts thinking she's nuts, or is she nuts?

    I do understand her sensitivity for some things, but not this incident. If this were an event for a personal accomplishment of mine, I would invite her and state that I want her to be there. But for an event she cares nothing about on a day we both know she can't make it, the words "I want you there" seem too asking for the situation.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Antitwitter View Post
    ......"Why donít you ever say you want me to go? Makes me feel like you donít. I don't like that."......
    She operating under the belief, right or wrong, that you don't really WANT her to join you for certain activities (probably things you do with your friends). The fact that you she couldn't make the Super Bowl party on Sunday and has not interest in football is beside the point. As a general rule, she thinks you don't want her around in some situations--and that hurts her feelings. Is she wrong in that belief? And if she is, why do you think she has that belief?



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    • #3
      Hmm.. Iím not really the sensitive type so maybe thatís why I think she mishandled the situation. I think she felt pushed aside and that you would rather not have her there which made her insecure, hence the blow up. But i donít think it was warranted, I think she could have moved past it without making a bid deal about it or if it really affected her, then there are many other ways she could have voiced her feelings to you. However if you really like her and this is just a little bump in the road, I donít see the harm in apologizing and keeping it in mind for next time you invite her somewhere. Maybe this stems from other issues? Like maybe she feels like you donít prioritize her?

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      • #4
        Yikes......female weighing in here.

        The fact that you invited her to something that you know she has absolutely no interest in, AND she was working a 12 hour shift that day, (and that you mentioned that this was the safer route, than telling her what you were doing, without following it up with an invite) is a very clear indication to me that you spend a lot of time walking on eggshells when it comes to her.


        If you truly enjoyed your girl's company and WANTED her there, she's right, your invite would have come out far more genuine than it did.
        No fault of your own there though.

        Sadly, I think you probably do this a lot (invite out of fear rather than wanting her there) so maybe you should be honest with yourself about why you're still with someone who makes you feel this way (?)
        The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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        • #5
          I think she's just insecure. It's not this incident. And it probably has to do with issues in your relationship for awhile. The way you've framed it makes her look unreasonable but the argument sounds like it carries residual weight from somewhere else. Does she ever complain or hint that you hang out with your friends more than her? She could also be annoyed she has to work and is taking it out on you.

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          • #6
            perhaps this may be a good read for you in your situation:

            https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004DNXGFQ...ng=UTF8&btkr=1
            There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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            • #7
              Well, I don't think she has borderline personality disorder but I do think she has a lot of resentment towards you for some reason.

              I invited her by sending a text that even though she's working and doesn't like football, she is invited.
              Did you actually word the invite that way? Did you say "even though you're working and you don't like football?" If you did, then I'd not be a baby about it like she was but I would send you a Happy Go Fuck Yourself greeting card in response to your half-assed invitation.

              Editing to add: Next time I suggest you just say "Hey so-and-so" invited us over, will you make your own way over or shall I pick you up?" or... "are you working or can you make it?"
              Last edited by phasesofthemoon; January 29th, 2018, 01:47 PM.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                I think the book (although written for BPD) has a lot of useful personality quirks in it that apply to any dysfunctional way of behaving I get that its written for BPD but i have picked up many things from that book that help me in dealing with toxid people who make your life miserable whether afflicted and diagnosed with BPD or not.

                There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by foh4k View Post
                  I think the book (although written for BPD) has a lot of useful personality quirks in it that apply to any dysfunctional way of behaving I get that its written for BPD but i have picked up many things from that book that help me in dealing with toxid people who make your life miserable whether afflicted and diagnosed with BPD or not.
                  Thanks for clarifying, Foh!
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh brother. I think your girlfriend is a drama queen. She's giving you a hard time just because you didn't word it right. By inviting her, you've already implied that you want her to join you for the SB game at your friend's house yet her feathers were ruffled just because you didn't say, "I want you to be there." No you're not nuts for thinking she's nuts. She's nuts by creating unnecessary drama. Hope this whole snit of hers blows over after the game which she's not interested in anyway.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      I love all your responses so far, with input on both sides, so thank you! I'll make a few notes to better clarify some things.
                      First, I admit and understand better now, how I could make her feel more special and wanted when I invite her to a gathering.
                      I don't see my friends often, it's sad. Probably, I'll see a few twice a year. We're all so busy. It wasn't an empty invite, simply for the sake of covering my butt. I'm a smart guy, who is supremely dumb in certain aspects. I often mean more than I say, if that makes sense. After 3 years with this girl, and given the situation, I figured an invite was enough.

                      Again, really good input, even when it was in her side Helps a lot.

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