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  • Girlfriend arrives home tomorrow after signing divorce papers.

    Ok my girlfriend finished signing divorce papers 2 days ago and arrives tomorrow and we have planned for me to pick her up.

    Im unsure how i feel. Not as happy as i thought hearing about the papers signed. i have feeling of uncertainty if a divorced person can honestly be ready to have someone new in their life, even if she stated she is and this signing will let her be free - ex and her been sperated for 2 year and i feel selfish having these thou
    i dont know what to say tomorrow when we finally sit down and she asks how i am.
    Should i explain my feelings or be quiet and just caring... i feel iv invested to much to early and want my feeling considered aswell before being 100% concentrated on her but i understand i need to be there for her.

    Its just such a tricky time and so many thoughts and feelings are in my head and i just want her happy but i feel im letting my love for her cloud logic as this logically seems messy and i may be a conveiniant rebound due to timing (a year depressed) im a younger man maybe making her feel wanted and happy but then again sometimes looking for logic to hard makes you find to many small issues and i just need be cautious but way more relaxed and be patient
    Last edited by canada123; January 27th, 2018, 09:42 AM.

  • #2
    You're way out of your league. If you're feeling shaky and unsure, listen to your gut. Like I said this has very little to do with whether a person is married or not, separated or not. It's how you handle periods of difficulty. She's going through a difficult time and she's not handling it well. Your biggest problem is that I really don't feel you're strong enough to weather it out.

    Yes, talk about how you feel and let it all out. A healthy relationship means clocking in with your partner and knowing how each other feels. Bottling it up is ridiculous. Be prepared to be clear because your confusion and her emotions are going to fuck up the whole situation fast. If you're half-baked, you're going to be a terrible partner or boyfriend and put yourself and her through a lot of hassle. Make up your mind whether you can be there for her or get out.

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    • #3
      How long have you guys been dating? The entire two years she’s been separated? I can say that my prior marriage ended in divorce and maybe because I’m a man I waited as long as I could before I got serious again. Put it this way, I enjoyed ‘dating’ and about 4 years later I got remarried. Without sounding sexist, I believe that most women need to be in a long term relationship and tend to rebound quicker so to speak. I’ll give you an example. A good female friend of mine went through a nasty divorce and was married for over 10 years. She began dating a man within 6 months and thought he was the ‘one.’ It didn’t work out and after a year of being together he cheated in her. Surprise surprise. So if I were you I’d be very cautious.

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      • #4
        If you're unsure and not as happy as you thought, give your relationship time and see how it develops some more. If you continue on the same track of your not being 100% on board, then you're either certain you're in this relationship long term or not.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Originally posted by CD da man View Post
          How long have you guys been dating? The entire two years she’s been separated? I can say that my prior marriage ended in divorce and maybe because I’m a man I waited as long as I could before I got serious again. Put it this way, I enjoyed ‘dating’ and about 4 years later I got remarried. Without sounding sexist, I believe that most women need to be in a long term relationship and tend to rebound quicker so to speak. I’ll give you an example. A good female friend of mine went through a nasty divorce and was married for over 10 years. She began dating a man within 6 months and thought he was the ‘one.’ It didn’t work out and after a year of being together he cheated in her. Surprise surprise. So if I were you I’d be very cautious.
          4 months but we clicked so well things that have taken along tine most of my relationships flowed naturally. still short to think like this by i dodnt ask for a situation or to feel like this... i just wannt to know im making the right decision.

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          • #6
            I would take Rose’s advice about going with your gut feeling. Otherwise, just continue to date her and it it’s meant to be it will last. It’s a risk, but if you’re willing to take it time will tell. Me personally I’d have a back-up plan and by that I mean dating other women. No offense, but 4 months is just scratching the surface. Good luck!

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            • #7
              You're way out of your league. If you're feeling shaky and unsure, listen to your gut. Like I said this has very little to do with whether a person is married or not, separated or not. It's how you handle periods of difficulty.
              Hence why it's best not to date someone only separated... because you won't know how they'll handle "periods of difficulty" until they have relationship ending difficulty.

              It's so much easier to keep yourself clear of people with unfinished business, let them process any difficulty and THEN, when they are ready, date them then.

              Its interesting that now that she is actually ALMOST single and free to be together its YOU, Op that's having doubts. That behaviour goes to what I said about people who get with people that are only separated are sometimes sub-consciously not really ready to be in anything serious with that person and when that person actually isn't 'safe' anymore, (due to their marital status) they get cold feet.

              Op: Instead of all this over-thinking why don't you just see how things are with her when she gets back and take it one day at a time.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                Hence why it's best not to date someone only separated... because you won't know how they'll handle "periods of difficulty" until they have relationship ending difficulty.

                It's so much easier to keep yourself clear of people with unfinished business, let them process any difficulty and THEN, when they are ready, date them then.

                Its interesting that now that she is actually ALMOST single and free to be together its YOU, Op that's having doubts. That behaviour goes to what I said about people who get with people that are only separated are sometimes sub-consciously not really ready to be in anything serious with that person and when that person actually isn't 'safe' anymore, (due to their marital status) they get cold feet.

                Op: Instead of all this over-thinking why don't you just see how things are with her when she gets back and take it one day at a time.
                Reason why i doubt it is other issies - eg age difference, her finished university and me not lets me to so many little doubts that im ovdr coming with time but the probems eg divorce it amplies my doubts.

                when we saw each other at the airport she was really happy and i was down as the last time we spoke she was barely talling before her floght and dodnt have an interest in me picking her up so i inturn lost my excitement and got down. funny how this all works...

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                • #9
                  See how it goes. Like I said, take it one day at a time.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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