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  • EX girlfriend showed up out of the blue> really confused

    Hi, so here's what i'm really confused about. I broke up with my ex girlfriend like 2 months ago ( i was dumped for being way too clingy/needy ). The thing is, i still do love her and i actually texted her on new years evening wishing her happy new year. We texted for a bit that evening before she replied with: "please don't text me anymore, i don't want any problems. Just don't show in my life anymore". and removed me from facebooks friends list. I just responded with: "Okay". However, whats really strange she actually messaged me herself in the evening the day after! She texted me: "well, i am coming to visit your town tonight". I just replied with: "that's great, have a good evening!"And that's it.. i didn't want to ask her if she was willing to meet up for a coffee or something just because what she texted me the day before.. So all of this happened like 2 weeks ago. What's interesting, she actually just invited me to friends on facebook at 3am yesterday. I did accept the invite, however she did not text me anything yet. I really don't wanna text her first.. Do you think i should? Or should i just wait for her to break the ice? Thank you!

  • #2
    I don't know why she would tell you not to text her anymore and then text you.. You shouldn't have accepted her facebook invite after she told you that. She's playing games and you shouldn't give her the ability to work you up over it.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      By the way, the same day she sent me a friend request, she posted this on her facebook wall: Do you think it's towards me and is supposed to mean anything? I have a feeling she wants to get back together but doesn't have the courage to say it.. What are your thoughts?

      I have in this story something to confess
      I already understood very well what happened
      And although it hurts so much I have to accept
      That you are not the bad one, that the bad one is me

      Okay, I do not really, really wanna fight anymore
      I do not really, really want to fake it no more
      Play me like The Beatles, baby, just let it be
      So come on, put the blame on me, yeah

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      • #4
        I'm thinking she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Please get over her.
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          3am invitations, texts and phonecalls are either butt dials, horniness, drunkenness or sleep deprived especially if neither of you work graveyard shifts. I wouldn't take her seriously and she's going through her own sadness after the break up. Just leave her alone. She thought you were too clingy and needy before which 1) tells me you really were clingy and so try giving her the cold shoulder, or 2) she is an ingrate, unstable and a brat which tells me you should move on.

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          • #6
            You are both going through a breakup. It doesn't matter that she dumped you she still needs to grieve the loss . She doesn't want to get back together with you. But she has her weak moments when she forgets about your clinginess and remembers the good times.

            You contacting her reminds her of your clinginess and she becomes strong again and firm in her decision to end it.
            Her texting you is simply a weak moment.

            Honour her wish and do not contact her even if she initiates, do not respond.

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            • #7
              Update: she just messaged me earlier today asking: "What are you doing on friday?". I replied that i don't have any plans for the evening. She have not asked me to meet up directly though. Thoughts?

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              • #8
                She's just digging for information. A question like that without greeting you or asking how you are or hoping you're having a good day? What kind of hello is that? Insincere, if you ask me.

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                • #9
                  Stop responding to her.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                  • #10
                    Gone through something similar a few years back.

                    She ended it, insisted that we would never get back together and we went no contact for a month or so.

                    She later got in touch and would insinuate she missed me and wanted to meet. Every time I would agree, she would ghost me and do the whole thing again a few days later. Literally, every single time until I just said I would be busy every time she did it and she eventually stopped.

                    I'm not saying she's just messing you around but she does seem to just be trying to get a little kick out of knowing you're still into her. I'd advise you don't reply to her the next time she gets in touch and if you must, reply a few days later and tell her you were busy. Tad much but it drives home the message to her that you're not wrapped around her finger. I know how tempting it can be to reply with the hopes you will actually end up meeting and getting back together but it's not gonna happen and you'll lose your self respect.

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                    • #11
                      By the way, do you think it would ruin my chances of ever meeting her again if i removed her from friends after she added me? If she asks why i did that, i will just say that i don't feel like playing her mind games anymore.

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                      • #12
                        Remove yourself from her friends list and then block her. At the very least, do not respond to anything from her. No contact is to help you get over someone. If you are in contact with her its akin to trying to quit smoking while continuing to buy and smoke cigarettes. You're never going to quit that way.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          OP just wants our confirmation to start dating her again. Dude, snap out of it. She is playing games with you (to cope with the breakup maybe). Stay strong, remove her from you life and move on.

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                          • #14
                            Honestly, the next time she's gonna message me (if she does), i will just respond with: "I'm sorry, i'm not feeling like playing your mind games anymore. Only message me when you would be willing to see me. I've missed you. Gotta go now. Bye". And i will just leave it like that. What ya think?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by shypshnius View Post
                              Honestly, the next time she's gonna message me (if she does), i will just respond with: "I'm sorry, i'm not feeling like playing your mind games anymore. Only message me when you would be willing to see me. I've missed you. Gotta go now. Bye". And i will just leave it like that. What ya think?
                              This would be better "Hi, I don't want to play your mind games, bye"

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