Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I need some serious advice (redo) shorter version

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I need some serious advice (redo) shorter version

    Long story short. I met my girlfriend on OKCupid. We are still together for what is now 7 months. Summer was great. I didn't want it to end. Sex was amazing, every moment was amazing. We made it official in August. We expressed our love for one another fast. It was amazing. We already had so many. September rolls around and she is on her way to attend an Academy to be a Court Officer. In preparation, I take her everywhere she needs. What they asked of her is ridiculous. I did it because at this point I know I love this girl. She loves me, communication is there. She asks me to drive her the school. She needed me. I said yes. It was a stretch of 4 months, 4 trips a week, 2 days Friday and Sunday going and coming. It was hard on me. I let her know it but I also let her know I do it because I love her. She seemed to have an issue with me expressing myself.

    With stress from the school directly into the job itself she became distant. Less and less texting, feeling no need to communicate, moments of depression which she suffers from, low self esteem, her mom becoming ill and needing hip replacement at age 74 and not doing well following the surgery. We got into an argument over it because what once was, isn't anymore. I asked if there was another guy, attraction issues. No. She tells me she is in love with me but sees no future with me. This comment blew my mind. It's illogical. I felt it was said in anger. She reached out to me the very next day because I felt she knew what she said was wrong. Following the fight, we see each other for dinner that same weekend. Things are normal. Christmas comes, she spends time with her mom after surgery, I understood, things were normal. We love each other. Cuddling, kissing, hugging.

    New Years comes, I check on her and her mom. Ask if she needs anything after being up all night...she snaps on me for things I said in December. She don't want me to do anything because what i said about the driving taking a toll on me hurt her. She said she didn't like that I expressed I go above and beyond for her. She found that to be tacky and pathetic. I didn't mean it that way, I was just worried about having some level of appreciation which I was not feeling. I don't see her for New Years. She ignores me without texting me at midnight. I hear from her the following night and she told me she is in her own world. She proceeded to ignore me the next 4 days. Got in touch with me last Friday. Asked about me and my parents. Told me about work and her mom. How stressed, tired and overwhelmed she is. Again she expresses how she doesn't want to talk to anyone. Its literally go top work, straight to her mom, home to sleep and all over again all week. Spends all her time doing laundry and sleeping and time with her mom on the weekend. I tell her I was worried, and right back to ignoring again right to today. I haven't heard back from Friday BUT I see her liking BUT not commenting on Facebook posts. She has her phone on her, She is on social media but can't text me back? I decided to write her a beautiful card expressing how the distance is killing me and how I want nothing more than to be apart of her world. What do I do here? My heart is dying to reach out. If she wanted to break up with me, she would have done so right? Why wouldn't she tell me whats wrong? Why wouldn't she have the decency to reach out and communicate. I sit here feeling used, forgotten and abandoned. She doesn't let me know what she needs or wants and I am here thinking the worst. Someone please help me with some advice...why would she do this?
    Last edited by ILoveAlterBridge; January 9th, 2018, 02:26 PM.

  • #2
    She would do it because she has a mental disorder called "depression" and it appears that the stress of her mother and her new classes is taking its toll on her. As hard as it is, leave her alone and if you're (IMO, Silly enough to) stay with her when she's like this then you would do well to learn all you can about depression and how it can manifest itself. She is overwhelmed and nurturing a relationship isn't a priority to her right now.

    If I were you, I'd end it so you can actually take yourself out of the limbo she's placed you in. She doesn't have time for a relationship if nothing else.

    Sorry she's made you to feel abandoned.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

    Comment


    • #3
      Don't send the card.
      She's already checked out.
      Let her go
      The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
        She would do it because she has a mental disorder called "depression" and it appears that the stress of her mother and her new classes is taking its toll on her. As hard as it is, leave her alone and if you're (IMO, Silly enough to) stay with her when she's like this then you would do well to learn all you can about depression and how it can manifest itself. She is overwhelmed and nurturing a relationship isn't a priority to her right now.

        If I were you, I'd end it so you can actually take yourself out of the limbo she's placed you in. She doesn't have time for a relationship if nothing else.

        Sorry she's made you to feel abandoned.
        Well, I will be honest with you. I love her. I loved her the moment I spent our first night together. I don't ever really feel that way about anyone but her I did. I had plans and hopes to buy her a ring at the end of this coming year 2018. I don't want to break it off. I want to be here for her. Would depression really make you pull away from a guy you've texted for 7 months on end everyday? Forget about everything? The way I see it, yeah she does have work, she does have her mom being ill...but she does have time in the day to text, call, if for just mere seconds. Why didn't she let me know she needed space? Why didn't she let me know that the relationship would need to take a back seat and that she needed to take care of her stuff first? No matter what it is, it's not right to leave a partner in limbo like that. I deserve the courtesy and respect to at least SOMETHING. I have done nothing wrong except be supportive

        Comment


        • #5
          You're absolutely right....she DOES have time in the day to respond to a text or call you (and go to the bathroom, and floss her teeth, shave her legs and take snapchats) but clearly she chooses not to.

          I sense some obsession on your part, through your text alone, so I can only imagine how smothered SHE feels.
          I'd be willing to bet that she just hopes that you stop reaching out to her, because your incessant neediness is probably exhausting her. She knows that to give you any kind of shove off in even the nicest way, is going to open up a dialogue of begging and whining, that she quite frankly, just doesn't have the time or patience for.

          Back off. Leave her alone.
          If she reaches out to you, respond. If she doesn't, leave it.
          It doesn't matter if you think that 7 months in a relationship entitles you to the "courtesy and respect to at least SOMETHING"......she doesn't, and that's all that really matters here.
          You can't make someone feel something they don't , or no longer, naturally and genuinely feel.

          It's time to grow up, Alter Bridge lover.
          The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ILoveAlterBridge View Post

            Well, I will be honest with you. I love her. I loved her the moment I spent our first night together. I don't ever really feel that way about anyone but her I did. I had plans and hopes to buy her a ring at the end of this coming year 2018. I don't want to break it off. I want to be here for her. Would depression really make you pull away from a guy you've texted for 7 months on end everyday? Forget about everything? The way I see it, yeah she does have work, she does have her mom being ill...but she does have time in the day to text, call, if for just mere seconds. Why didn't she let me know she needed space? Why didn't she let me know that the relationship would need to take a back seat and that she needed to take care of her stuff first?
            Because she's depressed and that's how depressed people handle things... by retreating.

            No matter what it is, it's not right to leave a partner in limbo like that. I deserve the courtesy and respect to at least SOMETHING. I have done nothing wrong except be supportive
            She doesn't realize any of that if she's depressed.

            ... and yes, if I was just dating someone and they were not acting like they valued me then I would leave them. It would hurt but I'd rather be in charge of myself and not leave all my personal power and emotional well being in the hands of someone whose actions are not showing me that they value me.

            This is not like you were married and there was a sudden onset of depression in which case you would support them through the issues as they got on the meds and therapy they needed to overcome.

            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment

            Working...
            X