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Confused please help!!

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  • Confused please help!!

    Hey there this is my first post here. I've struggled with this for a little while now so let me begin.
    my ex and I were together for 3 years and moved to Toronto together back in May, unfortunately the financial situation went bad and living there became quite stressful we had a truly beautiful relationship and on multiple occasions we talked about how we were soul mates and wanted to get married. Then at the beginning of October things started to take a bit of a turn she became distant and then half way through the month she had a big anxiety attack regarding her life and where she was going and so on. As things went on we started having sex less and less she just wasn't interested and at the beginnng of November she told me she wanted to move back. We got in this big fight about it and I said no. A couple of weeks went by and I warmed up to the idea but now she wanted to stay but she was becoming very distant and around the 15th of November she told me she wanted to break up because she needed to "find herself" and wanted to travel and explore. She said she wanted to do it alone. For the remainder of the month I worked extremely hard on our relationship but it was decided I was moving home at the end of the month and she was going to stay in Toronto. For those last 2 weeks we didn' fight once and we went on multiple dates where she continued to tell me how much she loved me and she didn't think that our journey was done yet. Towards the last couple of days things became extremely emotional she told me that she still wanted to stay strong to her desicion but she didn' want to let me go and that she fell in love with me all over again in those last couple of weeks. When I finally was leaving to go to the airport she came with me and she broke down completely and started balling her eyes out in the airport. We missed passionatey and she told me that if I ever missed her that I could call her whenever I wanted and vice versa.

    when I got back home things were different, we exchanged a couple long emails to eachother mine was confessing my deep love for her and hers was talking about how difficult it was to not have me but she still needed this time. As the month progressed we went no contact for about 3 weeks and one night she called me before Christmas to just check in. I was at a Christmas party and had a couple of drinks so the conversation took an emotional turn she was mad that I was liking other girls photos on social media and I told her that if she thought I was interested in anyone but her she was Dead wrong. Anyways the conversation didnt go great and she told me she still cared about me but never said I love you or I miss you.
    on Christmas I sent her a present with 36 open when letters that were hand written. Things like open when you'e had a bad day or open when you booked your first trip or your feeling stressed and so on. Along with a necklace that had a ton of meaning to it. When she got the gift she called me crying and texted me after saying that she loved me and she loved the gift and that she missed me but after a few days went by we started talking less and less and she just became somewhay cold to me. So i stopped talking to her.
    on new years eve she saw a photo on my Snapchat of me with another girl and she never asked me about it but she asked my friend because we have mutual friends she said "who is that girl Matt's with... actually it doesnt matter im hotter"
    and the next day we ended up speaking on the phone i told her that I missed having her as my best friend and I wish she was still a part of my life. We talked as friends about our lives what was new and so on and then that was it. After a couple of days had gone by I finally started to get the feeling that she was moving on and I needed to as well because I spoke with my friend who lives with her and she said that she thought there was no chance of us getting back together only in the fact that every time she and I talked I was always asking about jade and whenever she and jade spoke, jade never asked about me. I never got brought up in conversation and she said that if jade was really missing me than I would probably be brought up more in conversation but I wasnt. So a couple days later I asked to FaceTime and she agreed so we got on FaceTime and I told her that in order for me to start moving on I needed to delete her off of everything, she was upset but understanding and so I asked her before I did that I said I have some questions and I want you to answer them as honestly as possible.
    do you miss me? She said sometimes but no. And that she didn' miss the relationship.
    do you love me? She said I love who you are but I am not in love with you.
    have you moved on? She said not completely but she was moving on yes.

    so based on those answers I said that I am in love with her and because she doesn' feel the same that I need to begin moving on. We both cried a little and she told me that she didn' want to never talk to me again but we agreed it was probably for the best that we don' talk.
    lastly I asked her if she thought that our journey was done yet because for the last month she said that she didn' think it was but she answered with "only time will tell.." I said ouch and then preceded to begin my goodbyes.

    when I hung up I deleted all of her photos and blocked her on everything. Now here' where it begins to hurt. She told me that because our love was so deep she wasn' leaving me to find someone new she wanted this time to find herself. And told me that it would be a long time before she began to date again. Well I made a tinder profile and set it to her location and there she was with the most provocative photos I had ever seen her post anywhere. It made my stomach sink so out of emotional blinding I screen shotted it and sent her the picture saying "nice pic".
    I know it wasn' the right thing to do and I regret it but she replied with "we both know your on tinder too." I told her I was on to see if she was on and that I guess I got what I was looking for.
    ahe told me she was going to block my number and then did.
    a couple of days went by and we didn't talk at all, I was beginning to feel better and I had some friends over last night, one of which was this really hot girl who likes me and I know she hated that she liked me. Well we all got a little drunk and my other friend asked if she could get a picture of us and then told us that we should kiss cause it would make for a cute picture. So we did but without my knowledge my other friend posted it to her social media and within a half an hour I got a message from jade. With a screenshot of the picture saying "awe. Cute."
    I didn't reply and about 10 minutes later I got a seriously angry email from her saying

    "Tonight I saw a picture of you and... blank!!! It was a gamble between blank or blank.
    That will go well.

    Anyways, I'm glad you moved on. I just didn't think it would be with her. You weren't asking me if I loved you because you wanted to see if we still had a chance you were asking me so that you could make sure you were making a good choice on blocking me and dating the girl who you called a "slut" throughout our relationship.

    I'm hurt, probably not a good idea to send this email but I am going to anyway.

    F*ck you
    F*ck you
    F*ck you.

    Talk never."

    needless to say reading this completely made me sick to my stomach and 2 hours later I sent her an email back its pretty long but it was on the lines of I asked you if you loved me because I needed to know if you still did. Don't try to make me feel bad about this because you broke up with me and you have no idea how it feels to hear from the one person you love most in the world "I don't love you, I don' miss you, I'm moving on"
    and then there were some other points I made but I basically concluded the email with you lost the one person in the world who will love you most.
    talk never I guess
    Matt.

    I know this was probably the longest post on here but I seriously need some advice. I love this girl more than anything in the entire world I and I would love nothing more than to get back together but i have no idea where she stands and no one to talk to about it who can give me some unbiased feedback. Please help as to what this all means and what she' feeling and if I have a chance of getting her back or if I need to just completely move on.
    thank you so much for taking the time to read this I really appreciate it!!!
    -matt

  • #2
    this girl has no interest in you at all and is playing mind games with you. she is obviously emotionally unstable and wants a new relationship desperately. do yourself a favor and avoid future conversations with jade. immerse yourself in the hottie that you kissed at the party to purge your mind of your previous "jaded" lover

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    • #3
      Ouch, this sounds really difficult for you! You still feel a lot of live for each other. I can imagine that she spoke the truth when she saud she is not ready to get into somehing new. This tinder profile does not mean anything, because it could just be that she wants some attention, or to fuck around with sone huys a bit. This doesn't say anything about the deep connection you have with her. Same thing for her. She saw a picture with you and your 'slutty' friend and felt this jealousy which i can totally relate to. But she should realize that you are not jumping into a relationship with this girl, and she should know that the connection you two share is more than that. I think she's moving on, and you should be too. But take it easy. Don't talk too much with Jade, but try to talk things out with her. You don't want to lose contact in a bad way. You want to lose contact in a good way, with inderstanding, affection and real love. With real love i kean that you want the other person to be happy. You never know what happens when you guys see each other again in months or years. If the connection is real, it will still be there. As friends or something else. It's beautiful to be able to keep someone in your life and be happy for this oerson. After all you shared. This is how i try to see things, stay positive and try to act out of love

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      • #4
        Well I appreciate all of that. I clearly haven't moved on yet, is there any way that I would be able to re attract her in the future and possibly get back together. I know she said she needed time but do you think her getting jealous over his girl is a good thing or a bad thing. Because it's not like she said I don't want you to be with her I want you to be with me, she was just angry that I was seeing her. What are your thoughts?

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        • #5
          she told you she didn't love you, she didn't miss you and she is moving on to other relationships. seems clear you two have no defined future together but you never know. give her a clean long break in communications and let her chase you. don't chase her as will guarantee the end.

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