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Do I even deserve my new boyfriend? Feeling so guilty.

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  • Do I even deserve my new boyfriend? Feeling so guilty.

    I have been with my BF for about 4 months now. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago after a 2 year relationship. My BF is an incredible man - he makes me laugh, he is considerate, attractive, extremely smart, and gets along with my friends and family. Looking at my relationship with him, I realize that the past 4 months with him has been better than my entire 2 year relationship with my ex (filled with drama and games).

    The problem is that I still get upset when I see my ex with his new GF. It's not even that I want him back - it just hurts for some reason. I hardly see them in person but I see them all the time on social media. And if I was single I would just accept my feelings and let them fade. But since I am with someone new, the feeling of guilt is overwhelming me. I love my new boyfriend and care for him so much, and although I would never tell him about how this affects me, having these feelings make me feel undeserving of him. I know I would be devastated if he felt this way about his ex. Am I just some idiot who can't get over the asshole guy and see the amazing man in front of me?

    Any advice at all would be really helpful. I know that I should focus on the present and let go of the past. I don't wish my ex to be miserable, and I know that he and his new GF deserve to be happy. I just wish that I could let go completely.

  • #2
    Why are you creeping your ex on social media? Can't you just unfriend, block, unfollow, etc?

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    • #3
      You already know the answer and it is very simple.

      He is you ex, block him and move on. Simple as that.

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      • #4
        I don't have him on social media, but we have mutual friends that post pictures of them.

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        • #5
          Something similar happened to me and I unfollowed my friends too, and stayed off of facebook and instagram for a few months. Think of the problems you had and think of how great your boyfriend is right now.

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          • #6
            I really do wish that I could just unfollow them but our friend group is very intertwined. I feel that if I unfriend them all that I could lose a huge part of my support system and I don't want that or to start any gossip about how I feel regarding my ex. I have put on a very brave front throughout the whole breakup and me and my ex have maintained that we had a amicable breakup. Although if this is the only way for me to truly get over it, then I will do it.

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            • #7
              don't beat yourself up, you're feeling is a normal reaction to a faded relationship. memories still remain of prior romances. only time and distance will cure the pain. every time you think of him switch your mind to your new life and accept his new horizon

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              • #8
                It's just your ego that is reacting to the pictures. It's like a child who doesn't want to play with a toy but then gets upset when another child picks it up.
                "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                  It's just your ego that is reacting to the pictures. It's like a child who doesn't want to play with a toy but then gets upset when another child picks it up.
                  That's part of it.

                  The other part is that what you see posted on social media is ALWAYS the good stuff. Everyone on social media looks like they are having a good time. Which leaves you asking yourself, "Why couldn't we have that?" or "What's wrong that I couldn't make it work like that?",, etc. etc.

                  It leaves you feeling like you're a failure, or you weren't special enough, or he didn't (or never) really cared.

                  None of that is the case, but that doesn't stop you from torturing yourself. If you can't unfollow everyone, then go on a 10-day social media fast. Who knows, you might find you suddenly have time to do things you enjoy.

                  Good luck

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