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My daily emotional state after my breakup

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  • My daily emotional state after my breakup

    Although my breakup was 2 months ago it feels like yesterday. My ex girlfriend was my best (and only true) friend who I now have to re-learn to live without. This is my routine everyday:

    My everyday mornings consist of me waking up from about 5-6 hours of sleep instead of the solid 7-8 I have always gotten because I wake up dreaming of my ex.

    For the next couple hours (or until it's daylight at least) I'll spend on my phone looking up relationship/breakup advice, checking social media hoping to see a post of hers, and looking at our pictures we took together.

    Then I'll usually go through the motions to get ready for my day. I often force myself to eat my meals because otherwise I'll forget until my stomach is growling later that evening.

    At work I have become much quieter but I try to hide it by smiling. I probably seem lazier because I'm not shaving as often as I used to and am looking at my phone more than I should be.

    I get home and try to occupy myself with video games, reading, and music. I realize I can't concentrate on these things within only a few minutes of trying every day.

    I try talking to a few people about the breakup but they all say the typical obvious advice of "move on and forget about her". It's not that easy or that simple though.

    I'll usually end up watching my family do something for most of my nights until I get tired.

    On my days off I feel completely lost. Work will at least give me something to do, my home life gives me far to much freedom to think.

    Every text I get I hope is from my ex but 95% of the time it isn't. My best friend no longer cares about talking to me.

    I run through my brain each and everyday why this happened and how it could have been prevented but it is always too late.

    For the first time in my life I have considered suicide. I only think about it after I cry though.

    I have tried reconnecting with her but it isn't the same. Everytime I think things are getting better I am proven wrong.

    I have always been a much more straight forward person than her, saying things exactly how I feel. And right now I'm saying exactly how I feel to everyone here. Maybe some don't care but for those who do try to help me.
    Last edited by MrSnowman; January 1st, 2018, 11:43 PM.

  • #2
    Can you outline the circumstances of your breakup?

    How long have you been together also?

    Your level of dependency is not healthy. And suicide is very much not the answer. As someone that married someone from a repetitive toxic relationship with many breakups and reconciliation, I can assure you that you ultimately won't regain happiness simply by getting your best friend back.

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    • #3
      I have a few other topics explaining but we were together 13 months (really longer than that but officially 13) and broke up because of us arguing more than we ever have. This caused her to lose feelings for me and she went and talked to her ex before we dated about our problems. She realized she still had feelings for him and told me we needed a break. That break turned into a breakup and her spending a few nights with him. Then last night I hear the words that let me know it is truly over. She told me she will always love me but she thinks she will always love him more. A year ago this situation was reversed. She was telling me how perfect I was and that she never loved her ex the way she loves me. She wants to stay on good terms with me and I would like this too but I don't know if that is possible as long as I love her.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by MrSnowman View Post
        I have a few other topics explaining but we were together 13 months (really longer than that but officially 13) and broke up because of us arguing more than we ever have. This caused her to lose feelings for me and she went and talked to her ex before we dated about our problems. She realized she still had feelings for him and told me we needed a break. That break turned into a breakup and her spending a few nights with him. Then last night I hear the words that let me know it is truly over. She told me she will always love me but she thinks she will always love him more. A year ago this situation was reversed. She was telling me how perfect I was and that she never loved her ex the way she loves me. She wants to stay on good terms with me and I would like this too but I don't know if that is possible as long as I love her.
        I would try to move on and not stay in touch with her. If she isn't with you, and is going to be with someone else, it isn't fair to you to still be there for her emotionally.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Radiohead1 View Post

          I would try to move on and not stay in touch with her. If she isn't with you, and is going to be with someone else, it isn't fair to you to still be there for her emotionally.

          I know. But there are rare times I can truly sense she is unsure if she made the right decision or not. She's hot and cold. One day acting like I'm still important and I can always talk to her and then the next blaming me for everything and saying she we can't keep talking.

          one of our arguments was about how we never talk on the phone or in person anymore and that's why we argue so much. We only text (and not often) unless I make an effort to call or see her. And I told her this. Then she'll say something like "well that's because we aren't dating" but that's the problem. It's because we are not talking that we lost communication and have faded apart. But then, the couple times I have seen her in person since, she has seemed like she wasn't mad. She seemed either neutral or slightly happy. And it's because she misses me when she literally has to see me face to face. She actually does have a good time with me. A couple weeks ago she held my hand, leaned her head on my shoulder, told me I was perfect and that she loved me. It seemed things were getting better. But I found out she lied to me about a couple things and now she's back to turning everything I say negative like I'm the bad guy. Her emotions are all wacky. She told me she doesn't like talking about serious things, she would rather bottle them up. All that does is allow her to not take any blame for any mistakes she makes though and instead blame someone else (like me).

          I know this is coming off as a rant but I truly am trying to understand her and still be with her because I do still love her. She's a good girl underneath her messed up emotions.
          Last edited by MrSnowman; January 2nd, 2018, 08:32 AM.

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