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Seeing her for the first time in months

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  • Seeing her for the first time in months

    My ex and I dated for neatly five years. We met as co-workers, she was in the process of a messy divorce with an abusive ex and it was further complicated by the fact that they had two children. After her divorce, she and I grew close and about a year later we began dating. During the course of our relationship there were two arguments which led to us breaking up, though it was only for a few days and neither of us took it very seriously. We always found our way back. Last year, we broke up and afterward we had a very serious conversation about what we wanted and needed going forward. Everything was going great, I bought a ring and we began to discuss marriage and moving in together. Then, suddenly, one day she messaged me and told me that we needed to have a conversation where we laid everything on the table. Her exact words were "There are things I need that I've never told you, so I can't expect you to give them to me. We need to put everything out there and see where we stand." Well, she broke up with me in a text two days later. Suffice it to say, that conversation never happened. I am often asked what I think the problems were in the relationship, and in all honesty, after months of deliberation, I feel it was due to our lack of forward movement. We discussed things like marriage and moving in together, but never took the steps to do them. She always felt I didn't want to marry someone who already had children and I never seemed to be able to convince her otherwise.

    From the moment of the breakup she severed all contact with me. No texts, emails, phone calls and anything I said got no response. It's been difficult not just because of our relationship, but also because of my relationship with her children who I grew very connected to. After two weeks she agreed to meet up for dinner to discuss the relationship problems and what happens going forward. I told her that if her children wanted to maintain any connection with me, they could. I didn't want them to feel like I abandoned them. At this dinner, for three hours, she cried. She told me that she loved me, that she missed me. She essentially told me that she's a wreck without me and doesn't know what to do but that she believes she needs time to figure it all out. She also confessed that since the breakup she had been very self-destructive, drinking to excess and not taking care of herself. That night she told me that being with me was the first time since the breakup that she felt safe and comfortable. After the dinner, she went back to radio silence.

    A few weeks later I texted her to check in and she told me that if I loved her I'd understand and give her time. So I said I did understand and would give her time. She texted me twelve hours later telling me that there was still a place in her life for me. It's been silent since then. But she has been doing odd things which I don't understand if her goal is to be left alone. I have a job in entertainment, and there's a facebook fan page for it. Well, she doesn't listen to my show, but she keeps randomly liking things which I post on that page (we are not friends on Facebook but she's in that group.) Beyond that, she has spoken to mutual friends, asks them what I'm up to and tells them that she tries to avoid me because if she sees me she'll come running right back to me. It wasn't just me, either. She cut connections with her two closest friends as well and has only recently been beginning to reconnect with them.

    A few weeks ago and about a month and a half after we last spoke, I got texted from her phone. It was her daughter, asking me how I am, what's new with me, etc. Her daughter is twelve. I responded, told her I miss her and her brother. After a few messages, my ex took over and I asked if she knew her daughter was going to text me. She said no but "she is very sweet." She said nothing else. Two days later, I was contacted by a former co-worker who is organizing a dinner of the ex employees on January 6th. My ex girlfriend used to work with me, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. The next day I woke up to a facebook group message involving many of my former co-workers, and my ex was in there. I was added to the group late, but when I went to the top, I saw my ex twice asked for someone to make sure I go to the dinner. I find it odd that she wants me there since she's worked so hard to avoid me and cut me out completely.

    So now, it's five days away and I am not sure what to expect. We broke up on October 6th and this dinner is three months to the day after. I still love her, and I know I've got a lot of feelings about the whole situation. Obviously I'd like to reconcile, but I'm unsure what I'm going to encounter at this dinner. People have advised me to act as though I'm not into her, or to at least play it cool and be patient, which I am going to try but I also feel like it could possibly be the last time I see her so I also feel the need to say what I want to say and take a chance. I'm looking for any insight or advice into it. I don't want to blow what could be a chance to reconnect.

  • #2
    Truly, she sounds like a high-maintenance princess. She says that there are things she needs that she's never told you about. WTF??? Why would she bring it up if she didn't want to tell you about it. Clearly your relationship lacked communication. If I had to guess, I'd say that there's another guy in the picture. I can't imagine anything else that would account for such bizarre behavior.

    If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. You should try your best to get over her and realize that she's dragging you around by your pecker. You need to gain some power in your life. Don't allow her to ruin your evening or your life.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      "The power in a relationship lies with who ever cares less"
      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.