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After a month she said "I’m not looking for anything like a relationship right now"

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  • After a month she said "I’m not looking for anything like a relationship right now"

    So here’s the backstory. She is 20 years old and I am 22. I DMed her on instagram cause she liked one of my pictures. I didn’t know her but I knew she lived around my area since she went to a local high school and followed different people I knew. I thought she was cute so I sent her a message. She has told me that she doesn't like her parents, her parents are strict and that she wants to move out ASAP. She is trying to move out and get an apartment or whatever with a friend or friends. She also said that she has to buy her own car since she is moving out since her parents will take the car she drives away. She has told me she works at home sometimes on the computer and she takes some college classes on top of working full time. She doesn't like being in the house for very long and is always out and about every day. She says she is rarely home most of the time

    After we talked for awhile on instagram, I got her number and snapchat. We met a week into talking because we were really hitting it off. We went to a hangout spot, it went really well even though it was awkward meeting for the first time ever which is okay. A week later, I took her out to a restaurant and we talked there for 3 hours! Things were really looking great. She was telling me about all her personal stuff because she is a very hard person to express herself

    She told me that her last boyfriend goes to her church. She said they were dating for 6 months but one day she figured that he was only dating her mainly for sex. She stopped having sex with him and later on he broke up with her. She said she’s felt bad after the breakup, etc. The thing was it was the pastor’s son and they see each other mainly every week at a non-demential church. The pastor boy goes to liberty university which is in another state so she doesn’t see him when he’s at school

    Anyways, fast forward next week. The plan was to go over her parents house. I went there and she is the type of person to not sit in the house, so I go with her to go shopping, etc. we eventually went over to her friends house for a little bit and I got to meet one of her friends which was cool. We eventually went to her house and I met her parents. Everything seemed to go well. I watched a movie with the girl and after that, it was time to go home. I hugged her and I wanted to kiss her but that didn’t happen. She hugged me and didn’t come out of my arms slowly and look at me so I know she didn’t want to kiss. She said she likes being independent. I was never needy or anything. Usually if she reads me snap and doesn’t reply back, she would call me later on that day and say she’s sorry and we would talk about our day and so forth. We would talk on the phone for an hour or two usually before bedtime so you know the conversations are going well.

    Today I snapped her and her friend had her phone since they were in the car. (Usually her friends take her phone and such). It was her best friend. She was snapping herself to me talking to me. So I made jokes and stuff about her friend like “make sure she doesn’t buy any more shoes” and such. I told her that I wanted to meet her one day if she was cool with that since it was the girls best friend and she said she would love too. I asked her a few questions and blah blah blah just trying to get to know her. I told her I was going to the pub with friends later and they said they were going to the mall

    Later on, about 4 hours later as we were going to the pub. I get this random text message “Hey so I want to be upfront and tell you that I’ve had a lot of fun with you and I really like you, but I’m not looking for anything like a relationship right now and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. You’re a really great guy but I don’t want to lead you on at all” and I said I understand and such. She said “It’s not because of you I’m just finally out of a relationship and am not ready to be back in one. I hope we can be friends though” and I said “I get it and I had a fun time with her”

    Later on, I get a random follow request from her best friend on Instagram and after 5 min, I check her profile out and it was indeed her, and the thing was, she unrequested her follow so that seemed very very weird to me

    Anyhow, what do you guys make of this? This absolutely struck me. I felt we had a connection and I really liked her. I was fine with taking things super slow since I knew she didn’t want a relationship right away. I know I did mostly everything right. I just wonder if I still have a chance. Should I message her a month or two from now and check up with her? Not keep the conversation long or anything just keep it short to see what she’s up to so that way it’s in her mind that I checked up on her

    Or should I just wait and see if she’ll message me again? Like I’m the one to play hard to get. Maybe what she said is true and she also told me a couple weeks ago “she needs time to figure out a lot of things” so I think maybe in the future she will come back? Anyone help me out here? I appreciate it

    ---
    I really felt like maybe it was like this:

    She said she likes being independant and made it clear that she didn't want to be in a relationship a couple weeks ago. I think that when we were hanging out that it was just escalating fast and since she couldn't move the relationship any further that she decided to cut it off now and not lead me on.

    If we were to talk everyday and hangout so often, it would just lead nowhere and we would just stay good friends and it wouldn't be able to move anywhere else. I think she might want to be in a relationship with me but just not this very moment so cutting it off now was the best thing for both of us.

    If that makes sense? Or maybe I'm just thinking too much into it


    TL;DR DM'd a girl over Instagram. A week later, Met her at a hangout spot. A week later, went and took her out to dinner and we chat for 3 hours. 2 weeks later, I went over her house, as soon as I arrived, we took me to her favorite stores and I also went over her friends house and met her friend. We went back to her house and watched a movie. I hugged her and was going to kiss her and after we hugged, she didn't let go slowly and look at me so I couldn't kiss her to seal the deal. She said next time I come over her house I can park in her driveway (her parents were going to go see a movie and she lives downhill). I snap her the next day and her friend answers the snap (her friends usually look at her phone and such) I snapped her best friend for a little bit to get to know her. I asked her best friend if it was ok to meet her and she said she would love too. Later on I get a text message from the girl explaining that she doesn't want a relationship and that she didn't want to lead me on. The text messages is in the 6th paragraph. Not sure what I should do. should I just wait and see if she’ll message me again? Like I’m the one to play hard to get. Maybe what she said is true and she also told me a couple weeks ago “she needs time to figure out a lot of things” so I think maybe in the future she will come back? I still think it's messed up to do that after I just met her parents and such

  • #2
    Here's what I think. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with YOU. I guarantee that if she met someone she really liked, she'd be in a relationship with him so fast it would make your head spin.

    Unless you're wanting to just hang out with her as a friend, I'd drop her.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      I just don't think that makes any sense. We met for the first time and talked for like 2 hours. We went to a restaurant and stayed there for 3 hours just talking and having a good time. We talked on the phone every other day for almost 2 hours every time. She said next time I come over her house I can park in her driveway since she lives in a cul-de-sac so that just makes no sense why she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me if everything was going so well.

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      • #4
        She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship now. She might want to hang out with other guys or she might just not be interested in dating now. Take her words at face value. That's it. She might or might not be interested in dating in the future.

        Keep in touch if you like. Keep the friendship going if you like. But don't get jealous or weird if she doesn't want to hang out or you find she starts hanging out with other guys.

        If a relationship is what you want, then let her go and start searching elsewhere.

        Good luck

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Whitedude94 View Post
          I just don't think that makes any sense. We met for the first time and talked for like 2 hours. We went to a restaurant and stayed there for 3 hours just talking and having a good time. We talked on the phone every other day for almost 2 hours every time. She said next time I come over her house I can park in her driveway since she lives in a cul-de-sac so that just makes no sense why she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me if everything was going so well.
          Did you ever check with her to make sure that the "I don't want to be in a relationship" message actually came from her? She's not opposed to talking to you on the phone and she's not opposed to being your friend so why don't you phone her up or ask to meet for a coffee or something and just confirm with her that that is what she wants?

          You say her friend uses her phone which jumped out at me as being strange in itself and then out of the blue the chick in question is sending you something like that? It just seems weird.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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