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Christmas is not so merry this year

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  • Christmas is not so merry this year

    my story , i been on a long painfull road and task of trying to get the mother of my sons we have 8 year old and 2 year old and shes the love of my life we have been together 10 years since i was 21 and she was 18 to let me show her i changed so we can become a family once again so a year ago i started she gave me 3 terms of what i needed to do if i ever wanted a chance at that is rely ,respect, appreciate and oh boy did i ever when they say people never change i use to belive that but its not true at all because i changed i did everything she asked perfectly and even above and beyond and consistently but thru the whole year no matter how hard i tried with actions all she did was treat me like shit disrespect me and play games with my heart constantly thru shit in my face of my past mistakes wich were not even true she thinks i cheated on her but she has all the proof that i didint but het still belives alot of our problems were both are at fault but i decided to put my anger and hurt to the side and fight for her but she hasent fought for this at all shes constantly putting her school before us and i understand she wants to be successful and goin to college is stressful but to sit there and say its more important then me and i bug her and annoy her and im to obsessed with her and tbis is consfant thru the last year we have good moments bht its just hard because now i devoloped anger for her because its like i should of never tried to come back its like all she wanted was revenge so abkut 2 months ago i found out sbe was flirting with guys on social media and when i confronted ber about it she tried to play the victim instead of saying sorry wich goes along way but no so i decided to stand up for myself and take some space away from her and reevaluate us and during that time she was coming to my house and starting drama begging me to give her a chance again telling me that she loves me and she only sees me as the one she wants to marry and and more kids with and for my birthday in november she did alot for me and we slept together so i decided to give another try and told her lets go to counceling but first she needs to do some things so i feel i can trust ber so i told her to take her lock off ber phone and ill take mine off but she didint want to and then it went right back to her treating me like shit and now she says she wants a break cause she cant deal with this right now cause shes failing college and she needs to focus on that all sbe does is fuck with my head and heart i asked ber so mah times throughout the year if she liked someone else cause her actions made jt seem and she made me so insacure but she kept saying no and jm crazy and but now i think that is what jt is because her sister told me shes goin out late night and she nust told me she wanted a break a week ago because shes so busy with school but has the time to go out 2 days later i gave her all my effort and i left jt all on the table all i wanted was her to give me the same rely respect and appreciate but my family and friends tell me to focus on me and she will regret it , sorry if all i did was ramble and make no sense just need some advice thankyou

  • #2
    Well. You betrayed her trust by cheating on her. What did you expect? It's not easy to put back a cracked pot together without fragments shattered and still missing. The scar of the fracture will always be there. I have cheated and I have been cheated on. There is very little rebuilding past that point. In both my instances the (separate) relationships continued for some time hobbling along, crippled, with multiple issues. You have to decide whether to cut it out like a cancer and start fresh with your life (be free and end this relationship) or if you want to put yourself through rebuilding something that is permanently cracked. I'm a realist. I don't tend to have much left in me for bs. Maybe back then but not now. I just work a lot quicker at doing the math. If you want to work through it it will be hard and it will be painful, probably more painful than anything you've ever been through mentally because betrayal is deeper than other surface wounds. It doesn't sound like either of you did any constructive healing previously and both of you don't sound on the same page. It sounds more like a toxic cycle of holding on to each other for fear of the unknown without each other (deep down those wounds are still festering and septic). The first thing you should do doesn't have anything to do meeting with her or getting answers from her. It has everything to do with you: do you really see yourself and your future with this woman? If you can look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say she's good for you, then you will know what to do. If she can't do the same, it's over.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; December 8th, 2017, 02:43 AM.


    • #3
      Thankyou for the reply i really appreciate your insight but i never cheated she suspected i did but all the proof was there that i didint she spoke to the girl and she knows i didint she brings it up all the time though saying i may not of cheated but she knows i liked her but that was never the case so that is why i say im the only one putting effort to fight for her and she dosent do for me its like idk what to do now she says she needs a break its just all a excuse to go out and be single but wheres that gonna get her we have 2 kids together idk


      • #4
        I'm sorry for misunderstanding. I tried to respond to you last night but technology wasn't cooperating and I lost all my apostrophes in my post. I'll re-try again.
        I don't know what kind of communication, if any, you had with any other woman but as you know emotions do run high and deep in committed relationships and some imaginations are more creative than others. Having said that, when a person just has a sixth sense about something you can't really be anything but honest with them and yourself. Even innocent, platonic conversations can be misconstrued and are (personally speaking) not useful or good to have outside a marriage. I know early on in life people always believe men and women can be good friends regardless of other relationships. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe you didn't sleep with anyone but emotional cheating is sharing with anyone else what private thoughts and ideas and emotions you have that you would otherwise share with another person outside of a committed relationship. This is a fairly well-accepted notion and most people recognize this. I'm not saying you have made friends with anyone else but your wife but emotional cheating does exist.

        Either way your wife felt distrust for you and she's the only one who matters. However she is behaving you need to still answer the question: is she a good woman for you?