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Still in love with my ex of the same social circle

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  • Still in love with my ex of the same social circle

    So here's my situation. At the start of the year, my friend invited a girl out to join our very close social circle. She immediately hit it off with everyone and is very close with all of my best friends. We actually used to date about 7 years ago briefly and ended on good terms. Since then I've dated a lot but she's been with the same guy for 6 years.
    Well we slept together at the start of the year (the only other person she's slept with) and then she got cold and I backed off and stayed friends. Well after months of her turning down every guy who came onto her, she eventually got back with her ex. Not long after, while drunk on a night out, she gets extremely drunk and tells me she likes me and has turned down every other guy because of how she feels and she's only back with her ex because she feels bad. We hang out a few times and she eventually leaves him and we start seeing each other all the time. We'll spend every weekend together, either out with our friends or back at my place for about 4 months. We both tell each other we love the other person and we can't get enough of each other.

    Well last month, she tells me she doesn't want a relationship but wants to carry on seeing me as usual. I'm ok with this until she starts to get a little distant. I question if she wants to end what we're doing and she assures me she doesn't, however she continues to get more and more distant to the point where she starts cancelling plans to go hang out with our female friends all the time. When we do meet, it's a tad awkward and she starts to get irritated by me asking questions all the time, questions which she constantly evades and I'm still left clueless about what's going on. I ask some of my female friends and they tell me how much she talks about me and how crazy she is about me.

    Well last week she tells me she wants to cool things down a little. I agree ofc and we still talk regularly. However, while out last weekend, she tells me while she still likes me, she wants to stop the romantic aspect with me completely and maybe somewhere down the line we'll get back to it. I tell her I don't know if I can be friends with her when I still have feelings for her. We end things awkwardly. Since we both share the exact same best friends, I know I can't leave it like this so I've extended my hand in friendship and told her I'm ok with us just being friends however I don't know how to deal with this now since I'm either gonna have to see her all the time and bottle up my feelings or simply stop going out with my friends.

    It's awkward because there's dozens of planned social events I'm going to.

    I've tried to arrange to meet her one on one to get used to the dynamic but it already feels weird because I know she doesn't want to see me in that way since it'll be awkward for her.
    Last edited by rexlincoln; October 23rd, 2017, 02:28 PM.

  • #2
    You're just going to have to get over the awkwardness of it. You might want to stop hanging out with large groups where you know she'll be for a while. Eventually, you'll meet someone new and the problem will have been solved.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Thanks for the reply. Yeahh that's what I figured, just a tad hard when everyone is so close, there's pretty much no occasion where it's a small group. Heck, my best male friends are extremely close with her as well so it's not like I can go for a lads night without her turning up. Plus I don't really wanna tell my mates not to invite her out since that's just asking for trouble.

      Worse is it's my birthday this weekend and we're all stopping at a mates' flat.
      Last edited by rexlincoln; October 23rd, 2017, 02:11 PM.

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      • #4
        Is she onto someone else in the group now?
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          No, not at all. Like I said, she's only ever been with two people her entire life, me and her ex. If she was just sleeping around then I'd understand what''s going on. In her words "I can't be arsed with anyone else other than you, seeing other people simply doesn't interest me". She's a good looking girl so it amazes me how many good looking guys I've seen her turn down.

          Messaged to meet up on Thursday to clear some things up and she seems excited to see me.
          Honestly, I'm just hoping I can get on friendly terms with her so everything's not awkward.
          Last edited by rexlincoln; October 24th, 2017, 06:24 PM.

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          • #6
            One of my male friends reckons she's still in love with her ex but all my female friends say the complete opposite.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by rexlincoln View Post
              No, not at all. Like I said, she's only ever been with two people her entire life, me and her ex. If she was just sleeping around then I'd understand what''s going on. In her words "I can't be arsed with anyone else other than you, seeing other people simply doesn't interest me". She's a good looking girl so it amazes me how many good looking guys I've seen her turn down.

              Messaged to meet up on Thursday to clear some things up and she seems excited to see me.
              Honestly, I'm just hoping I can get on friendly terms with her so everything's not awkward.
              Well, good luck. Let us know how it goes.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Yeahh so she messaged me today saying she can't meet me on Thursday as she's just lost her job... Obviously I understand. Just feels terrible being so close to a person and then suddenly I can't really be there for her when all I wanna do is cheer her up. Oh well, guess I'll just have to move on

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