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Wife Cheating Out There?

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  • Wife Cheating Out There?

    We are married 25 years. Exercise regularly ... looked good and at least 8 yrs below our biological age. Both had high corporate positions. I retired due to medical mismanagement that got me comatosed for 2 yrs, spent last 1 yr physio to learn to walk and talk again. Wife still working and enioying her freedom. I asked if she wanted a divorce so she can be free to have her partying freely. She said "No".

    She loves partying and clubbing (with her friends) and I did tell her "IF I catch you with another man out there. I'll divorce you." Previously she usually back around midnight .... I raised my concerns she's back by 7 pm.
    I noticed she is getting edgy and looking for excuses to be back later. Worst she kept changing her mobile code lock and chatting at home too until I put a stop to it. I asked who's the friendly party you are chatting with? She will move to bathroom and delete last chat records and said "My private matter."

    I hate it when I saw she no longer wears our wedding ring but a sytlish ring .... saying "Trendy".

  • #2
    You're wondering if your wife is cheating? It sure sounds like it.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Seems like it. But you did specify "IF I catch you with another MAN..." maybe she met a girl?

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      • #4
        You write primarily about your mutual looks and your stature and nothing of the love you have for one another, now or ever. That's very sad.
        IF she's cheating, I'm thinking that perhaps she's waiting for YOU to be the one that leaves HER.
        Maybe she's worried more about how bad she'd look for leaving her husband after suffering a 2 year coma which left him having to learn to walk and talk again, rather than for her clubbing mid-life crisis lifestyle.

        I don't know what your relationship was like before, but I'll tell you one thing for sure, if my spouse EVER said to me 'My private matter", we would have a BIG issue, and vice-versa.
        And replacing her wedding ring with one more 'trendy' ? Is that just when she goes out, or is it 24/7 ?

        Could it be that YOU'VE changed since your life altering ordeal ? We don't want to be jumping all over her in your defense, if maybe, this is her response to who you've become.
        Having said that, I'm certainly not condoning anything on her part either.

        Honestly, Adrian, I don't know how long this has been going on, but anything over 2 times (along with the other criteria) would be too many in any healthy and respectable partnership.
        You need to nip this in the bud and put an end to either her behavior or your relationship.
        Counseling for you both maybe, my friend.
        The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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        • #5
          It sounds a bit shady to me. If she claims thereís nothing to worry about then she shouldnít be
          so concerned with keeping things from you. Everyone is different and sometimes too many ques
          can make someone purposely keep things from heir spouse although I think thatís childish as well. I would explain how uneasy you feel about it and see where it goes from there. Good Luck.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by pistol View Post
            You write primarily about your mutual looks and your stature and nothing of the love you have for one another, now or ever. That's very sad.
            IF she's cheating, I'm thinking that perhaps she's waiting for YOU to be the one that leaves HER.
            Maybe she's worried more about how bad she'd look for leaving her husband after suffering a 2 year coma which left him having to learn to walk and talk again, rather than for her clubbing mid-life crisis lifestyle.
            ......
            .
            Thanks pistol for your response. We were a 'darling' couple ... I met her in high school and was my first love. We planned everything together (family, financials, holidays, etc) ... loved each other's company and respected each other highly. The things that hurt me most then (now I am able to deal with) ..... she is a different person I knew when we were married.

            1. She keeping her mobile a secret device. Messaging and (if) chatting at different parts of house (eg. kitchen and door closed). When I asked who are you messaging with, she goes to bathroom and deletes all phone logs then said "my private matters".

            2. She no longer wear our wedding band and the 1-carat diamond ring I gave her. When I asked her, she put them on during weekends when she is at home with family. I noticed she is still wearing her own rings in the office. Mon-Fri .... I will see her rings in her fingers when she got back from office and I don't make any comments about it.

            3. She even made schedule for having meals with her. Monday night - family dinner. Tuesday - one-on-one dinner with me (usually she suggest fast food joints ... I hate it !). Wed-Fri nights her own time .... usually dinner and clubbing with her girl colleagues she claimed.

            That's why I suggested a divorce since she need time and space for herself. She said "no".

            She knew I taken her out of my will and wanted to be back in it.

            I am acting 'lovey-dovey' now, getting PI to check her Wed-Fri activities and will leave/divorce her on adultery issue.



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            • #7
              Originally posted by Adrian88Wing View Post

              Thanks pistol for your response. We were a 'darling' couple ... I met her in high school and was my first love. We planned everything together (family, financials, holidays, etc) ... loved each other's company and respected each other highly. The things that hurt me most then (now I am able to deal with) ..... she is a different person I knew when we were married.

              1. She keeping her mobile a secret device. Messaging and (if) chatting at different parts of house (eg. kitchen and door closed). When I asked who are you messaging with, she goes to bathroom and deletes all phone logs then said "my private matters".

              2. She no longer wear our wedding band and the 1-carat diamond ring I gave her. When I asked her, she put them on during weekends when she is at home with family. I noticed she is still wearing her own rings in the office. Mon-Fri .... I will see her rings in her fingers when she got back from office and I don't make any comments about it.

              3. She even made schedule for having meals with her. Monday night - family dinner. Tuesday - one-on-one dinner with me (usually she suggest fast food joints ... I hate it !). Wed-Fri nights her own time .... usually dinner and clubbing with her girl colleagues she claimed.

              That's why I suggested a divorce since she need time and space for herself. She said "no".

              She knew I taken her out of my will and wanted to be back in it.

              I am acting 'lovey-dovey' now, getting PI to check her Wed-Fri activities and will leave/divorce her on adultery issue.


              Is your health back to the was before your illness?
              What happened? Did you have a stroke or something that has possibly changed your personality?
              Are you able to work again?

              She might be finding it extremely difficult to deal with the situation.
              Yes the not wearing her wedding ring seems like she is cheating. But you don't really know if she is? I guess the PI will clarify that.

              Are you now in a position to return to work?
              How is your health situation now?

              When did you take her out of your will and why?
              How did she come to know about it?

              A marriage vow states " in sickness " , a promise easily made but not as easy to carry out.

              A friend of mine left her husband a few years after his stroke. She never imagined she would ever leave him but his personality had changed. The relationship broke down because of that. She lost her home, he is not working and in council housing, she is renting a place with 4 kids in tow. But she is managing amazingly well.

              Do you have kids? If yes , how old?

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              • #8
                Could it be posible that maybe during those 2 years she met someone? Maybe she wasnt expecting that you get out of the coma and eventually moved on but now youre back and everything may seem confusing to her?

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                • #9
                  Hi all,

                  I am getting better by the day. Not perfect or will be. I can walk independently, drive and speak now. Been travelling on my own for a few months.

                  I suspect she got someone in those 2 years and I 'gentlemanly' asked her if she wanted a divorce. She said 'no'. I changed my will when I saw the changes in her life. I can move on ..... children all grown and independent now.

                  Oh ... I got medically mistreated that got me into the comatosed state for 2 years. Won lawsuit ... $500K which she deposited from our joint account into FD under her own name (caused me to changed will). The acknowledgement from lawyer came through the mail which she opened. She is lovey-dovey with me now and occassionally asked to be placed back in the will. NO WAY !

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                  • #10
                    I am acting "forgetful" these days and confirmed she is not wearing our wedding band now. She had her own ring ..... maybe one by her bf. I am getting a PI to end this now.

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                    • #11
                      You offered her to opt out. She didn't take it. The money she took , what's happened to that? Have you had it transferred back? That is your compensation not hers.
                      Isnt that enough for you to leave? Why hire a Pi?

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                      • #12
                        Today we had another chat about me leaving her from my will. She wanted to be included back in the will. I told her the $500K you took from the court settlement was your share of the will and so now the rest is for both our children. She contended that the $500K was for taking care of expenses incurred during the 2 years I was in coma.

                        She then told me "If that's the case, don't go snooping around my activities." I again asked her "Then we should divorce and you can live your care-free ways." She said "No. I am having a care-free ways already."

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                        • #13
                          File for divorce.
                          She has zero respect for you.
                          Fight in court over the 500k.
                          She will have to justify where the money went.
                          Get yourself a good lawyer.

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                          • #14
                            Agree with what everything that Maggiemay4791 !

                            Although I have to ask, was those 500k from a lawsuit she made while you were in coma?

                            Because if this is the case, I don't think you much power over those 500k. If she made the lawsuit while you were in coma, as the wife that her husband who provided for the household is not present anymore, I believe the 500k are then actually what she told you "to cover the expenses over the years you were in coma".

                            But that is something you should discuss with the lawyer.

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                            • #15
                              Hi Tarasoff,

                              1. I took up the lawsuit when I woke from my coma.
                              2. She was trying to protrayed to others that she is a loving and dependable wife (she was !). At home constantly questioning me about my will and when I asked about the $500K, she said for payment of my well being & medical costs during my coma.
                              3. She judged she had me cornered (no where to go) as house is registered in her name .... I paid for all the cash payments (paid $500k). She mentioned she will make last $100K payment for it next year. She know I am gathering evidence of her Wed-Fri clubbing activities ..... admitted there were guy friends in her clubbing sessions while earlier always claimed with female colleagues.

                              Ending soon.

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