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Why Not To Contact Your Ex

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  • #31
    Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

    Sometimes I wonder if maybe we'll ever get back together, and then I realize that we'll never really be over. In a way it hasn't changed at all, but in some ways, it has. It's not that we aren't meant for each other, I think its just maybe we aren't ready for forever.

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    • #32
      Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

      Originally posted by am529 View Post
      This thread is very relevant to me right now. My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and she gave the "I'd still really like to be friends" line, to which I think I unintentionally rejected her request for remaining friends, by basically telling her it will be hard for me to be "just a friend" because I will still be seeing her as my "girlfriend". I'd been contemplating getting in touch with her, just to reach out and show that I didn't mean to reject her like that - we had an amiable breakup (amiable? amicable? Not sure the word I'm looking for - we broke up on good terms), but at the same time, I know that my purpose for wanting to stay friends with her would be a hope that we would get back together.
      I can relate. Its happening to me as well. I'm still hoping that I can get her back. But I'm thinking to drop all connections. Its hard, but I can never have her again.
      You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

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      • #33
        Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

        Stay strong folks! Remember perspective is dynamic; changing as often as the weather.

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        • #34
          Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

          Great thread! I really wish I'd have looked at this list before I went nuclear meltdown on my ex in the couple of days after getting dumped... I'm sticking to it now though

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          • #35
            Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

            Many relationship "experts" suggest giving your ex lots of space after a breakup, that's if you are hoping for a re-conciliation. I am hoping to get back with my amazing girlfriend of 14 months. She is 46, I am 58.
            Little bit of history: we worked together 15 years ago on a three day convention, then bumped into each other in the big city on November 2012, as we were both single we basically started dating at that moment. It was an incredible connection between two people, lots of variety in everything we did together. As we lived an hour from each other we could only get together twice each week, it was never stale, always so much fun.
            We had a wonderful December together, although there was a grey cloud of sadness above us as her mother who lives overseas was quite sick, we soon found out it was advanced cancer.
            We knew that she would have to go and care for her mother as soon as we returned from our first vacation together, we were excited to be going away toether. We returned on Jan 6th, while on our first holiday together it was quite apparent that her feelings had changed, I assumed she was sad about her mom. She told me we were finished on the day I took her to the airport on Jan 19th.
            When we met 15 years ago she was fresh out of her marriage, she has been in and out of a few relationships over the years, I fell hard for her after being in a 22 year marriage followed by a toxic 2 year dating relationship.
            On December 5th, she told me that I was the best man she has ever known, she wrote beautiful loving words in my mid December birthday card, same with my Christmas card.
            We are now apart, I am hurting in a huge way.

            I am giving her time, although it creates this distance between us.
            Are there words I can say, something I can do, a button I can push.
            Does anyone have experience with the "female" hot buttons that can have a positive effect to win her back.
            Any advice will be appreciated.....Dave

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            • #36
              Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

              Interesting post...

              I've found that the best way to break up is to completely break up, with no contact - even if you're wanting to fill a void in each of your lives... Hanging on is just a way to prolong the agony... Great topic...

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              • #37
                Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                Great post and one I can relate to at the moment. I have the huge hole in my world like others have mentioned and dying to 'pop' round his and say hi! I won't though. I have got some things at my house for him which will have to be picked up and I want them gone soon.

                I will look at thigh thread when I get tempted

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                • #38
                  Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                  Oh this is a great thread. Thank you!

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                  • #39
                    Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                    Thank you. Its so hard though.

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                    • #40
                      Staying in no contact

                      The only way you can break free from an ex is by thinking clearly and you can't think clearly if you are in contact with them all the time. This No Contact Rule App helped me stay strong with I felt like texting or emailing him..

                      Ack, I can't post links! Anyways, its called the "No Contact Rule App" in the app store.

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                      • #41
                        Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                        This is great. I wish I could show this to my bf who's still in contact with his ex. His ex is still completely in love with him, even though they broke up 2 years ago. She still texts him from time to time to let him know she's still in love with him, and she would leave her husband to be with him again. I like that he's open about it with me but it fucking pisses me off. I don't know why he allows it to continue. He needs to set boundaries or cut ties with her. He's not helping her move on. A part of me thinks he's still in love with her, too. I mean why else would he let this go on?

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                        • #42
                          Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                          I'd love some input into my situation - been divorced for five years, ex had been fooling around with a "friend" of mine, and they are both forceful people. I was isolated, bullied, threatened to the point that I didn't know if I was coming or going, and I didn't even realize I had sunk into a depression. Upshot was that they stood over me as I signed the separation agreement - "friend" had phoned me repeatedly to tell me that if I didn't sign it the way it was written my husband would "get" me and he'd then get everything - in other calls she told me that if I got a lawyer to sort out the dividing up of assets he would cause so much delay that everything would be gone before it was over. I knew people this happened to, by the way. Looking back I was a little out of my mind, because I signed over money that had gone into a joint account, the money actually being the proceeds of the sale of my mother's home when she died. I can't go after his pension because that was in the agreement too - now I am almost broke and at 62 just don't seem to be taken seriously when I look for a job. I had to move away after the divorce as I was scared of him and his new girlfriend - but have no proof nor no witnesses as to their abuse. A dear friend told me that my ex has recently been coming in to her place of work and asking about me, she says he sometimes hangs around outside and asks if I am okay, and if I hold it all against him. She didn't ask him what he meant by that, but she knows, as I told her. She suggested I write to him and ask him for the money back - she said he looks so sad and contrite that it might work. What do you think? Is that just stupid, or worth a try? He went on three expensive overseas holidays last year, so he's not hurting. Also, I have my mother's ashes and have not been able to make the trip to take them to her home country, so would love to do that.

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                          • #43
                            Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                            Originally posted by Taramore View Post
                            I'd love some input into my situation - been divorced for five years, ex had been fooling around with a "friend" of mine, and they are both forceful people. I was isolated, bullied, threatened to the point that I didn't know if I was coming or going, and I didn't even realize I had sunk into a depression. Upshot was that they stood over me as I signed the separation agreement - "friend" had phoned me repeatedly to tell me that if I didn't sign it the way it was written my husband would "get" me and he'd then get everything - in other calls she told me that if I got a lawyer to sort out the dividing up of assets he would cause so much delay that everything would be gone before it was over. I knew people this happened to, by the way. Looking back I was a little out of my mind, because I signed over money that had gone into a joint account, the money actually being the proceeds of the sale of my mother's home when she died. I can't go after his pension because that was in the agreement too - now I am almost broke and at 62 just don't seem to be taken seriously when I look for a job. I had to move away after the divorce as I was scared of him and his new girlfriend - but have no proof nor no witnesses as to their abuse. A dear friend told me that my ex has recently been coming in to her place of work and asking about me, she says he sometimes hangs around outside and asks if I am okay, and if I hold it all against him. She didn't ask him what he meant by that, but she knows, as I told her. She suggested I write to him and ask him for the money back - she said he looks so sad and contrite that it might work. What do you think? Is that just stupid, or worth a try? He went on three expensive overseas holidays last year, so he's not hurting. Also, I have my mother's ashes and have not been able to make the trip to take them to her home country, so would love to do that.
                            Oh my god! I am so sorry you went through this. You were completely taken advantage of in the divorce legal proceedings and it put a financial hurting on you (and possibly an emotional one). You should have gone to a lawyer and let them handle the divorce proceedings for you, but I won't hastle you about that. My only advice is: FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER NOW! Please. They might be able to help in some way, or at least tell you definitively if you are out of luck.

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                            • #44
                              Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                              Thank you Sparklebutt - yes, I shall check into it!

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                              • #45
                                Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                                Damn, I wish I'd read this after my break-up. It's all spot on (except for reason 8); might have stopped me making things worse for myself.

                                Great write-up.

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