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Why Not To Contact Your Ex

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  • #16
    Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

    I so wish it was this easy. We have a child together.

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    • #17
      Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

      Originally posted by Staceygirl View Post
      I so wish it was this easy. We have a child together.
      You are mired in a dysfunctional, codependent relationship with a man that you are addicted to (it's not love). Do what you have to do to make yourself unaddicted to him. That means cold turkey withdrawl and therapy for yourself so that you can make yourself indifferent to his manipulation.

      Get yourself to alanon or a codependents anonymous group meeting if you don't have the means for personal therapy
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #18
        Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

        So i came across this thread about 2 nanoseconds before sending a "Hi..how have you been?" email to my ex-girlfriend of 4+ years. After some self-analysis, I believe I want to reach out to her to show her that I still care about her health situation (she was diagnosed with a chronic illness a year ago which indirectly lead to our mutual breakup). I miss taking care of her and being an important person in her life.

        Using the post as a guideline and taking chronic illness into account, is my concern merely an "excuse" versus a valid reason for breaking the no contact rule that is iterated on so many of these relationship blogs?

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        • #19
          Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

          Well look at the magnitude of the breakup and the reasoning behind it.

          Was the illness the sole factor of the breakup? If it wasn't then i would say stay away. if it was maybe you look at what part you played in it and reassess your position.
          There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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          • #20
            Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

            In addition to what foh4k, I think you need to ask why you sent it? Are you just curious as to how has she has been? Or are you hoping it will lead to something? The hardest part about that resistance is understand your own purpose & intention.

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            • #21
              Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

              Originally posted by Dagwood View Post
              In addition to what foh4k, I think you need to ask why you sent it? Are you just curious as to how has she has been? Or are you hoping it will lead to something? The hardest part about that resistance is understand your own purpose & intention.
              I never sent the email. The motive for sending an email was to show her that I care. My primary role for the last 2 years of the relationship was a caregiver and to provide emotional support. From past experience, I have come to realize that when it's over, it's over. Getting back together never works imo, so that wasn't my intent.

              I decided not to send her the email. I have come to accept that she is not deserving of my concern in light of the way she valued others over me for the majority of our time together.

              My current views can be summed up as follows: (If others are thinking about contacting their ex hopefully they will keep these views in mind. I know I do)
              1. Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimesÖthe person you want most is the person you're best without.
              2. When you give up on someone, itís not because you donít care anymore. Itís because you realize they donít.
              3. Never put them first, if you always come last. Never give your all, if you only get half.

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              • #22
                Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                I hope, I've read it before, it's really true....

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                • #23
                  Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                  Dagwood this is great! I'm bookmarking it for future reading once i find my strength!
                  I did reply to you in my thread but the post isn't showing up. It's saying it will show up later?
                  Anyway, what you said made a world of difference in my life and I can't thank you enough.

                  Lozzy

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                  • #24
                    Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                    damn right! this is so so true!
                    No advertising

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                    • #25
                      Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                      Excellent post. I have not yet had to go through the pain of a breakup, but if/when I do, I hope I will be able to heed these words.

                      Just one question: Suppose that your significant other was a very good friend before you got together. For instance, suppose the classic scenario of best friends who ultimately fall for each other. They really were, at one point, great, platonic friends, and were maybe even a bit hesitant to get involved because they were afraid of loosing their friendship. But...they ended up getting in a relationship anyway.

                      Then, say said relationship ended badly. Would wanting to remain friends possibly be a real desire to return to the way things used to be, and not just an "excuse"? Do you think it's possible for such a pair to go back to being platonic friends, considering that, at one point, they actually were really, really good friends?

                      This hasn't happened to me. I don't expect you to necessarily believe me, because usually when someone says that they just don't want to admit it (thus the classic "my friend has this problem" type of line), but it's the truth. This isn't MY situation, but I am genuinely curious about such a situation. It seems like it'd be a terrible shame for two people who were once great friends to loose their friendship over a failed relationship.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                        I broke up with her bout 5 months ago. At the begining there was a huge empty hole as you say. But spending time with different women and time itself heals, i feel pretty good now. The things you explained are entarely true ( i say that from own experiance )

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                        • #27
                          Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                          It is necessary. It took me months to work that out. I've only broken up once, and the emotions were so much stronger and more complex than when someone dies. I'd try to be friends, try to stay in contact and just set myself back in terms of getting over it.
                          Your life doesnít get better by chance. It gets better by choice.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                            So true! I tried to be friends with my ex for so long. talked on fb, stalked their tweets. It sets the healing progress back so far it's not funny!
                            Your life doesnít get better by chance. It gets better by choice.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                              Only reason you should contact your ex is if you are still friends, or need closure.

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                              • #30
                                Re: Why Not To Contact Your Ex

                                Great list. An Ex is an ex for a reason. Best keep well away from them and hang out with friends instead!
                                Please don't advertise. --staff

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