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How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

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  • #31
    Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

    Look at it this way ~ At least he didn't charge you to download it. O.o
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #32
      Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide



      If I would have titled it "instead of trying to get your ex back, just realize you need to get over her" NOBODY who comes here for "how to get her back" advice would read it.
      %0|%0

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      • #33
        Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

        Originally posted by foh4k View Post
        Thats the idea

        You don't want to PUT YOURSELF there. The time is a time for both of you to look inward and see what you can change about yourself. if it didn't work out and you have broken up the idea is to spend a lot of time thinking about you. If you are both actively involved in working on you, WHEN the time comes that your in a healthier better place, then the reconnection will happen naturally without any prearranged contact date. It will just happen when it's time. It's natures way. It's also natures way that you never see each other again.

        Why would you want to assume your on their mind? The idea is to be thinking about you, not them, and certainly not you in their mind. It's their mind why would you want to force yourself in there?

        if you broke up there's a pretty good chance that you need to work on yourselves, SEPARATELY or there will not be a good "us" to work on in the first place.

        I am thinking from your post your kind of controlling. Maybe that's something to work on. I only say that because you say



        Why would you want to force yourself into someones mind. Kind of selfish isn't it?
        Best advice I've read, and something that applys to my own situatuion. Thanks for this.
        Recently, I was seeing a girl for a month. It was very strong and intense for both of us, it seemed to be going well. But things got too intense, she's on a big work project that demands all her time. In short, neither of us were ready for the intense feelings we shared and were not connected with ourselves to be in love with each other.
        We parted as broken up and had an argument which was immature.

        We'll be in the same place a week from now, due to our work. I'm not going to try and get back with her, despite the fact that I can feel she still likes me. I miss her very much and am constantly wanting to be with her. However, it does have to flow naturally. If it doesn't then there's nothing there, not for now anyway.

        I've got to let her go and work on myself. It's the only way I'M going to ever be happy. It's difficult. I'm losing sleep, I feel emotionally exhausted. But she can't fill the gap in me. Only I can do that or I'll always be unhappy with myself. So, here I go, taking the first painful steps...

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        • #34
          Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

          Why would you want a skank back after you alreads had sex with her?

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          • #35
            Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

            Quite frankly, I think all the advice on "no contact" and "act like you're happy without someone" in order to win an ex back - is rubbish.

            It's just games. And while it might sometimes seem to work, it doesn't address the core issues.

            If you really want to win an ex back, you need to be honest with yourself and think why they actually split up with you. Why were they unhappy?

            If they loved you, then there was a reason they broke up with you, and maybe you need to "fix" that problem. But just pretending you don't care, or ignoring them, doesn't do anything to solve those issues and if they DO give you another chance, it won't work out the second time either.

            If there wasn't any valid reason for breaking up - then maybe the harsh reality is they just weren't into you. In which case you can't do anything except move on and forget them.

            Just my two cents worth.

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            • #36
              Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

              The "no contact" stuff has _NOTHING_ to do with getting your ex back, or acting in a certain way to get them back. It's more about weening yourself off, so you DON'T want to get back together with them. People who post things like "ok, I've been doing no contact for a while, and I haven't heard from her, what do I do now?" completely missed the point.

              And I think part of the reason why is that JUST no contact is only half the equation. You need to replace the time you're not wasting on feeling miserable with something productive, or you'll just find another way to feel miserable.
              %0|%0

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              • #37
                Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                Originally posted by Kuky View Post
                The "no contact" stuff has _NOTHING_ to do with getting your ex back, or acting in a certain way to get them back. It's more about weening yourself off, so you DON'T want to get back together with them. People who post things like "ok, I've been doing no contact for a while, and I haven't heard from her, what do I do now?" completely missed the point.
                Hmmmm, but sometimes, a break up is - or could be - a real opportunity for one to look in the mirror and finally see the things they need to improve about themselves.

                So much of the advice I've read - here and elsewhere - assumes that the dumpee really just needs to "love themselves" a bit more and that they shouldn't feel sad about the relationship ending, because "they deserve better anyway".

                Whereas in reality, they'd be a lot better off if they took the break up as a big wake up call and realised that their ex had some very real reasons for leaving them, and addressed those issues.

                Why do I never see anyone advising people to really think hard about what THEY did wrong? After all, if they don't address those issues, chances are they'll pull them into the next relationship too, and then they'll be wondering why that relationship didn't work out either?

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                • #38
                  Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                  Oh many of us do ask that question but generally if it appears the poster needs to work on himself we will tell him. If they have been victimized by a lover and we see it we'll tell them to back off and do the no contact thing.

                  Not everyone needs work, but we all can use it.
                  There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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                  • #39
                    Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                    Originally posted by confused79 View Post
                    Why do I never see anyone advising people to really think hard about what THEY did wrong?
                    We do when we feel it's necessary.
                    "Why are you always smiling?"
                    "Because it's all so fucking hysterical."


                    Hier kommt die Sonne

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                    • #40
                      Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                      Thanks, I'm glad

                      I guess I was thinking of a lot of other websites I've seen too.

                      Sometimes it's really easy to just blame the other person, and not take responsibility for our own actions.... I'm sure we've all seen it.....

                      I guess one thing for me, with my last break up, is I've recognised that some of the things he did that hurt me, are things I'd done previously. You know, things like the angry text messages after a break up - having now been on the receiving end, I'll never do it again. I hope I end up a better person after all this is done.

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                      • #41
                        Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                        You should have blown something else and you wouldn't have had to win him back at all. O_o
                        funny

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                        • #42
                          Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                          Here's how I can help you...

                          If you have broken up and want to get your guy or gal back, obviously I can't talk too or be with everyone, I just don't have enough time…but I have done what I believe to be the next best thing…

                          I have put my years of experience…into a really easy to follow… love recipe for "getting back together"…and again I forewarn you right now…these are techniques and strategies that are NOT conventional wisdom…and I doubt you have ever read or heard these techniques before.

                          …and I'll tell you…

                          McLovin

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                          • #43
                            Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                            Originally posted by confused79 View Post
                            Hmmmm, but sometimes, a break up is - or could be - a real opportunity for one to look in the mirror and finally see the things they need to improve about themselves.

                            So much of the advice I've read - here and elsewhere - assumes that the dumpee really just needs to "love themselves" a bit more and that they shouldn't feel sad about the relationship ending, because "they deserve better anyway".

                            Whereas in reality, they'd be a lot better off if they took the break up as a big wake up call and realised that their ex had some very real reasons for leaving them, and addressed those issues.

                            Why do I never see anyone advising people to really think hard about what THEY did wrong? After all, if they don't address those issues, chances are they'll pull them into the next relationship too, and then they'll be wondering why that relationship didn't work out either?
                            i got dumped, and realised that i wanted things to be different, we talked this through together, and i was constantly asked to prove i wanted those things. i didnt know what to do really, i said to her, take me back if you do really want to be with me, and you will see i mean what i say, but she never did. just kept asking me to prove that i meant it.

                            i didnt want to go all out to show her something that risked her saying, well we can do all these things without being together.. so why do we need to. therefore i made myself clear to her vocally, but as she wouldn't take me back, i never did 'show' her anything. still dont know if i did it right or not.

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                            • #44
                              Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                              If the primary goal of that whole exercise was to get her back, then you did it wrong.
                              %0|%0

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                              • #45
                                Re: How to get your ex back - the definitive guide

                                Originally posted by bbs301 View Post
                                i got dumped, and realised that i wanted things to be different, we talked this through together, and i was constantly asked to prove i wanted those things. i didnt know what to do really, i said to her, take me back if you do really want to be with me, and you will see i mean what i say, but she never did. just kept asking me to prove that i meant it.

                                i didnt want to go all out to show her something that risked her saying, well we can do all these things without being together.. so why do we need to. therefore i made myself clear to her vocally, but as she wouldn't take me back, i never did 'show' her anything. still dont know if i did it right or not.
                                The reason this happens is because when things get stale and people beg to "let me show you" is because words and being vocal about it is manipulation to get a desired result. That result is to soothe your pain. You want them to take you back so that you don't hurt anymore.

                                When she asked you to prove it, she meant show me by actions not words. Well actions take a little time. When you are apart you can see clearly what you did to contribute to the break up. To implement action you must understand what needs to change in you to institute action. Usually you can't institute action until you understand what you need to change about yourself. That usually comes with time apart.

                                So someone asking you to prove it is a little like putting the cart before the horse. You need to prove it through actions and your actions don't change until you have a firm understanding of what needs to change.

                                Actions are what show and determine your character.
                                Words are just the tools of manipulation to get an immediate desired result.
                                There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

                                Comment

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