I've been dating a man who is so into me that he's mentioned marriage to me. I'm really into him too. We've been dating about 3 months (I'm in my 40s & he's in his 50s) and have gotten along wonderfully - except for this one thing. And I can't stand it.
When we first started dating he didn't do it at all, then one day about a month into it (before we started having sex) he made a few comments to me which I thought were rude and damaging. I let him know on the spot that I felt bad. He was concerned and insisted that he was joking. Now, he doesn't even acknowledge having said them.
He can't mention a women without describing her level of attractiveness.. such as "this friend of mine who is unattractive" or "this girl I used to date who is stunningly gorgeous" and on and on - he says "beautiful woman" this and "beautiful woman" that all the time. It's not horrifying - he doesn't make sexual comments - just ones about their appearance. He says he does it because it's a part of a woman's biography - what she looks like. That her life experience is greatly affected by her level of attractiveness.
Fine. That's true I'm sure, but I get so turned off hearing this all the time. I love this guy, and he never fails to tell me wonderful things about my own appearance every time he sees me, but now I just want to end it because I've been with guys like this before and done everything I can to understand; consider both / all points of view; work on my self-esteem; etc.. every angle. Also, I won't position myself as a watchdog, or a censor. I hate that as much as I hate the stupid comments.
Obviously Im sensitive to it. and I've let him know this as well and gently as I can, but he doesn't stop. That tells me he's not concerned about my feelings. Therefore, no matter how much we love each other, we have nothing.
I'm curious what opinions on this others have - does this bother other women out there? Why do so many men do this? Do they not think it's incredibly rude and damaging? Or are they trying to alienate the woman they're with..?