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Feeling depressed and college

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  • Feeling depressed and college

    This fall semester I ended up with a D in Calc 2 and an A and B in my other science classes. I have to retake the D in summer. I am so depressed and unsure if I'm making the right decision to do engineering. My family tells me to just work. Im not allowed to change majors because of my financial aid, and nothing else is as guaranteed a good job so not worth it. It's hard to see people I went to high school with making almost 100k and here I am still broke and in college. I tried talking to advisors but they tell me to just keep going with my plan. I wish I could just see the future because I'm afraid Im making a mistake.

  • #2
    Milena Have a Calc2 tutor help you. Are there other fields in engineering that you might be interested in?

    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      Milena, I never replied to your previous threads about what major to choose, but I followed it from a distance. You had plenty of good input back then so I didn't meddle.

      However, I don't think I know many people who gave their major quite as much thought as you did. That being said, I don't think it's good to made these decisions lightly. But don't you think you're overdoing it a bit? Plus, of all the reasons to choose certain majors, one thing came out as the strongest motivational factor: money. What field makes the biggest bucks. What major is guaranteed job security. While I completely see why that should be a factor, it shouldn't be the only factor. I fear that right now it is.

      What about passion for a certain field? The satisfaction that you feel when you're curious to find out how something works and you finally figure it out? What about your interest in the job that you'll be performing for the next 40 years of your life. Of course we can't all be doing our hobby for a living, but people who work just to pay the bills are also the ones who burn out quickly and become bored.
      And then there's the difference between making a living - supporting yourself and getting by without too many concerns - and the desire to get into the highest paying field and making extravagant amounts of money.

      I'm afraid that your decision making process is being clouded by fear. Fear that you won't find a job after college. Fear that you'll end up not getting by. But you know what, it's not all black and white. Plenty of people study things other than engineering and still make a good living. It's not a choice between engineering on one hand and absolute poverty and unemployment on the other hand. There are plenty of ways to make a great life for yourself - one that doesn't have to revolve around extravagant incomes. There is more than one path to happiness.
      However, the path of fear never leads to happiness in the end. Because you'll trade one fear for the next and you'll end up being afraid every day for the rest of your life.

      So maybe you need to take a deep breath and tell yourself that it will all be alright in the end. The future is a mystery to everyone. But you can make your own happiness. It doesn't have to depend completely on your studies or your career.
      I studied clinical psychology. It has been my dream since I was 10 to become a psychologist, after my parents went through a divorce and I ended up being helped a lot by a great psychologist.
      Sadly, the government of my country has decided to put emotional wellbeing on the bottom of the list of priorities. All government funded projects are being abolished and psychologists everywhere are unemployed or looking into other fields. Waiting lists for counseling are often more than 18 months long, which is a nightmare for people with urgent issues.
      That could have brought me down, but it didn't. I took a lower paid job, still in my field but significantly under my potential, and I've been working on advancing my career on the side, working as an independant counselor after hours. I still don't regret my choice of studies though. I feel passionate about my field and I love working in it. I earn enough to get by. I have no financial problems, but no, I can't afford a brand new car every other year. If my goal was all about the money I made, I'd be miserable. But there's so much more in life to make you happy.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


      • #4
        I agree with Chanelle. Don't be afraid to retake the course. D is as close to a fail so I understand how demoralizing this would be. I would be questioning my path also if it were me and doing some soul searching. You're allowed to do that and you are allowed to feel down. You did express interest in engineering that wasn't entirely centered on money previously (at least that's what I remember from your tone and outlook). And you did fine in your other courses. I understand this is just year 1 for you too. You haven't even started the core engineering courses or have you? I seem to remember these start in year 2.

        I didn't do so well in chemistry in highschool but Lord knows why I did university chemistry as an elective in my first year. I also did biology, physics intro and calculus classes. I really didn't enjoy them but used them for electives. It was never my dream to be in the health sciences and switched to arts and business/accounting later on and that's where my degrees are. My brothers instead are in the health sciences (phD and MD) but now one of them is switching from being a health practitioner to a financial planner! Business and math runs in our family so we all grew up with it in our home. My childhood dream was to be an architect actually but I wasn't interested in the design aspects as much as I should have been and quickly lost interest in architecture in my 20s. Business and accounting grew to be my biggest interests (big surprise there).

        Do the soul searching you need to do but like Ayla says too, be kind to yourself and also be resilient. Life will change, the economy will change and job markets fluctuate. I know you come from a difficult background and your mum isn't doing so well. I hope you use this as a tool or stepping stone and it leads you to something worthwhile. You sometimes have to learn to turn lemons to lemonade but it's all the more sweeter looking back when you know you did right by you.


        • #5
          Milena I agree with Rose.

          Also, try not to focus only on financial aid. If the sciences / engineering fields are not your forte, consider other majors which interest you; majors you're passionate about and in demand in the job market helps.

          I think it's great that many people choose majors that are not engineering or business but also remember you have to eat, too. It pays to be practical when it comes to not having great difficulty attaining gainful employment so keep that in mind.

          I know some people who chose liberal arts majors and while they excelled at it, they are now encountering difficulty getting a job that pays well. It's expensive to survive and there's a certain income required if you truly wish to be on your own without a roommate and without living in a rough part of town. If income is low, you'll have to compromise your lifestyle which isn't ideal. It's inconvenient, uncomfortable not to mention unsafe. Think of long term economic stability.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


          • #6
            Thank you to everyone for the replies. I read each one carefully. I am definitely getting a tutor if I start to do poorly this semester in my math class. I'm taking my first design class along with calc 3, physics 2 and organic 1. Ive taken orgo 1 in the summer and got a B but it was just memorizing and not learning. So I got a D in organic 2 and was advised to retake orgo 1 to learn it correctly. Since 'm not great at math, so I've decided to do as much of it as I can to get better. My depression makes it difficult to feel passionate about things, so I mainly use my free time to think about my goals which is really to bring me and my family out of poverty. After this spring semester I have the fall semester and then am applying to a four year college to finish. While I have a lot of self doubt I also feel like I must follow through. Im lucky in that the only person who can make or break my success is me, so I just hope I can do this.
            Last edited by Milena; January 10th, 2019, 11:48 PM.


            • #7
              You can do it, Milena.
              Some of my loneliest moments were in uni ironically even though I was surrounded by peers and friends! Everyone at that age goes through some kind of self-doubt, questioning and terrifying uncertainty and the fear of finding a real job or qualifying for valid internship or work experience. I don't believe it for one second if anyone ever sailed through university without any second-guesses and horrifying moments wondering if they were doing the right thing or if things were the right timing financially or relationship-wise or for personal reasons. It's what schooling is supposed to do: it's supposed to test you on how much you want to accomplish what you went there to do. It's supposed to be grueling especially at the start because it's supposed to train you. If you aren't challenged at some point, it's nothing but a piece of paper. If you can overcome your difficulties and challenges and succeed it'll better mentally prepare you for what's to come next especially if you have a professional designation or the proper grades to get you the work experience right out of school. Don't give up just yet. If you ever need to vent or feel lonely talk to your friends and your classmates and your instructors. Your instructor might be able to refer you to tutors on campus or other (free!) resources.


              • #8
                Milena Where there is a will, there is a way whether with tutoring, retaking the course, switching majors or doing whatever it takes to give you and your family a better chance at life. You can do this.

                I'm sorry about your depression. I hope you are treated for it.

                You will succeed and you can do this.

                And don't be discouraged. You will find a way whether it's engineering or other fields of your choice.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


                • #9
                  I am so sorry you are dealing with this. School can be very difficult especially when you are taking higher math and science courses. Have you thought about getting a tutor for the subjects you are struggling in? I had to do that for one of my biology courses and it helped me so much! I hope everything goes well in your future semesters.


                  • #10
                    Perhaps you should try some Omega 3s that might help.