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Shes just been confusing me.

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  • Shes just been confusing me.

    So fair warning this timeline can get kinda long. Also probably pretty boring. So sorry in advance.

    alright, so I'm 18, my ex just turned 19 a few days ago, and we dated for a year and half. She called it off in april with the reason, she "hadn't been completely happy for a while now" as it turned out, a while meant 2 months when I had gotten in a really small honestly accident, like it was nothing. But she was in the car and we didnt get to have a nice anniversary dinner. Also, I struggle with depression, and at that point I wasnt taking my medications. So I was freaking out and I said a lot of stuff that scared her, not like threats or anything but more like self depreciating and self loathing sorta "I'm an idiot" you get the idea. Huge Mistake on my part I'll admit, and I regretted it emediately.

    at any rate, that was the root of the breakup, but she did say typical things like, its nothing you did wrong, were just in different parts of life (shes 7 months older than me and was in college while I was finishing my last year of highschool, about to start college), you really are amazing, you just deserve someone who can give you everything you give me as far as you're devotion. That kind of fluffy bull shit.

    anyways, since then, I've gotten back on my meds and I'm actually really happy all things considered. I've really put my life back together, taken care if my issues and I'm trying to move forward in any direction really. Then about a month and a half after we broke up, she jumped into a new relationship which was obviously a rebound. Actually, he just dumped her a few days ago right before her birthday.

    I knew she didnt have the birthday she wanted and i felt bad for her because I knew she really loves going all out and having a great day every year. So I wrapped up a t shirt and a bracelet that I had ordered before the breakup, they came a few weeks after the fact and I didnt have the heart to throw them out or give them away, so I decided to keep them in a box with all her other stuff. Her new guy came around and I wasnt intending to give those things to her at all. Then finally they split up. So I decided to give her the gift and just say I was sorry for what shes going through and that she can talk if she needs. I ended up just dropping it off on her porch and leaving without saying anything.

    anyways, I want trying to just start things up again or anything, actually I was and am trying to move on entirely. With or without her. Then she sent me a thank you text and we talked for a bit. And I left for England that same day and when I got to the airport, I got some notifications that she started following me again kn social medias. As well as my mother whom is still pretty upset at her for various reasons. But that is besides the point.

    anyways, we ended up using dms on instagram. And I inquired a little about the nature of the breakup, it seemed kinda sudden. (They had actually just gone on a weekend trip with her grandparents and it was right before her birthday. Seemed kinda fishy to me) so she told me that he just didnt think it was meant to be. Etc. Then i told her that it was his loss and she deserves better, and i just wanted to make sure he didnt hurt her or anything. Then it got a little more interesting.

    she told me that she was only ok with going out with him when he asked because she was having such a hard time with our breakup. That he really wasn't the best anyways. Then a little few texts later, "all I want is for you to be happy" and while I was replying to the whole text, there were a number of things like scary driving in other countries. Anyways, while I was thinking of how to reply she sends, "hey just so you know --my name-- I think you're pretty amazing" I told her the same as far a s the happiness thing and asked why she said that. To which she said, "you're so nice, and worry about me and still check in, youre just such a sweetheart!"

    so now I'm not sure what to think. I basically just want to know if we have any kind of shot at a future together realistically. I mean, I'd really love that, but I don't wanna just force it or see anything when the reality is that there could be nothing and shes just saying that. Any advice? Ideas? Anything really? I just dont want to go insane or anything and I dont eant mu friends and family to think I'm stupid for starting anything of that's what happens. Obviously nothing soon, theres a number of things to think and talk about before I trust her again. But i dont see it being impossible, i just want to know how possible.

  • #2
    My advice: Keep on your meds, don't text her anymore unless she texts you and then keep it short and neutral, go to University as a single man and enjoy the life of a single uni student. If things are meant to be, then you will find one another again in the future. Don't hope or wish for that but just live your life, be happy and don't worry. Take your life by the horns and enjoy your youth.

    Keep in mind that you ARE a "sweetheart" but her telling you that doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be with you. She will make it clear if she does want to be, though.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      I agree with Phases.
      She just became single again, which means she's not getting any attention or validation from another man.
      She may very well be using the attention from you to fulfil her own needs, without any intention of letting this evolve back into a relationship.
      Take things slow and don't get your hopes up too much. Let her take the initiative to contact you.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


      • #4
        There's no way to know for sure. It just depends on whether you want to stick around to find out. She has a track history of NOT being into you. Someone with more dating experience and less patience would not have time for that shit. But if you feel you're up to it, go for it. Perhaps you haven't learned all the lessons you should have learned yet and this is a learning curve for you. There is nothing wrong with that. You're young and this is harmless fun and exploration to me especially if you're already taking care of yourself like you say you are and receiving treatment for your depression.

        Does she have any clue that you're receiving treatment or have depression?


        • #5
          Hi ShMc7800,

          Relationships are definitely difficult. It would seem that relationships become more difficult when a number of factors, such as yours, are part of the equation. Still, it sounds like you have taken some personal steps that have moved you forward, and you should be commended for them. If it were me, I would focus on my personal development, such as school, physical and mental health, as well as spiritual health. Meditation is extremely important for a clear mind, at least this has been my experience. I would give your friend some room to grow. There is nothing wrong with loving others from a distance. Sometimes this is necessary. In the meantime, I will pray for your growth.



          • #6
            Sorry been on vacation and havnt check replays. Just gonna do smash reply kinda thing.

            so like I mentioned, I'm not just gonna jump headfirst into anything again. Like trust has been broken and if things were to get better we'd need to work a lot out. My only question is if shes really wanting to do that, as of recent it's been kinda deep 6 quiet so I think I got my answer unless anyone has thoughts on that.

            as for my depression, I've struggled with it since I was 8. Didn't realize what it was til I was 12. Wasnt diagnosed officially til I was 16 (first try I guess it would be?) Had my first and only real bear suicide experience 4 months after starting medications, it was a bad combo of meds that actually made me worse. Learned from it, never going back to that again. Although thoughts had before then and I'm sure always will cross my mind. I've been on my current meds for almost a year now, seams to be working really good. I only stopped taking them before the crash happened due to a surgery that required me to take stronger prescription opioids and I didnt wanna have any weird drug combo effects. That was the big slip and I thought "I dont need to start my meds again, i can handle life." Been on them religiously since the breakup. Doing 100% better from where I was then but still could be better. My life is together but still being put more together if that makes sense.

            yes she was very aware of my mental disorder, I was aware of her anxiety for which she is also medicated and has had her share of slip ups too.

            really i just want opinion on what you all think shes thinking. I never knew her to be a manipulative type, and while I am young. I'm more mature than the average 18 year old guy.

            like I said, I dont wanna force anything to happen. But I dont eant yo force anything not to happen either if y'all follow. I want to progress in a forward trend. I feel like I've got a good job for now and I'm ready a rearing for school to start. I've been trying to meet new people (I am incredibly not interested in any of the girls from my highschool. Way too immature). The only thing I can think of that is missing is that special someone. I want to move forward in a positive direction. Whether with her or someone else. I want this to end more than anything. Whether with us working stuff out, or her telling flat out it wont worl snd I can move in.

            but as of the last 2 weeks, it has seemed hot and cold sort of. And she made it a point to say specific things that I've since been told are red flags of sorts that she has feelings still.

            in any instance. I feel good about myself, and that's what matters right? It isn't as if I'm seeing things that aren't there, and I think it's a valid concern that I should have if the possibility is there, and the same will go for anyone new that i meet. I'm not just reserving myself for her, but I dont think reserving my self from her is the answer either.


            • #7
              Continue feeling good about yourself. It's not an opportunity or invitation however to make stupid mistakes that eventually make you feel bad about yourself. The majority of helpers here have cautioned you not to speak to her again. What you decide to do however is up to you. Be careful in your next steps and don't take yourself two steps backward after just only moving forward one step. Good luck.