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Educational differences and dating

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  • Educational differences and dating

    I wanted to see what experiences users here have with dating partners whose level of education or social class is different than your own. I remember in High School, a boy was interested in me and I declined because I felt uncomfortable around his upper middle class family. Being from a poor family, I never felt I fit in but now that Im in my late 20s, and have a college degree I dont ferl inferior anymore. I would prefer to date someone who is educated because it usually means theyre more professional. I realize this isnt always the case, but having had bad luck dating non-college educated men I do see a difference on average. Hope to hear some stories or thoughts.

  • #2
    I've had the opportunity to date around. You're more likely to get along with someone who has had the same experiences as you. If college is all you've known or the most impressionable event in your young life, you're most likely going to associate most with other college grads. When you get older however you may find that your experiences expand 10 or 20 or 30, 40 years past that college phase many years ago and you are able to relate to people from other walks of life, other backgrounds and other forms of "education". Your 20s and 30s will be defined by your college education and while you better your career. There's a whole life beyond that phase. Enjoy your youth but trust me, that you will not stay the same person forever; your experiences will expand tremendously especially as you work and volunteer in your community and evolve your interests and decide who you want to be. Keep growing. Just my two cents.

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    • #3
      I currently date someone who comes from a pretty wealthy family where as I come from a relatively middle to low class family. Our families also have vastly different values as to how money should be spent/what it should be spent on. This has caused a lot of tension in our relationship, as I'm more willing to spend whereas my partner wants nothing more than to save every penny. However, we've still managed to have a pretty good relationship. I can honestly say I've learned a lot from him and have gained a different perspective on money and what it means to come from a wealthy family versus a family like mine. I like to think he has gained some perspective too, and I feel like for the most part we get along great with one another's family.

      As for education...

      This is actually something I have mixed feelings about. For the longest time, I was only interested in guys who were also in college and who were pursuing a degree in either the same subject area or a more intense subject area than my own. Dating people who were on the same educational level actually caused a lot of problems for me. I found that oftentimes I would have amazing conversations with guys, but that we would eventually reach a point where it was almost a competition to appear smarter or more sophisticated than the other. Maybe it's just because I majored in creative writing, but I ended up being incredibly turned off by guys because of the level of pretentiousness they often exhibited. I can't tell you how many workshops I sat through where guys would reject any and all aspects of a class critique. Even guys I thought were so great and down to earth would do this, and it just annoyed me so much to be around someone who can't take any kind of criticism and use it constructively. They were always too good, too smart, or too innovative to listen to what other people were saying.

      The guy I'm dating now had nothing more than a high school education when I met him, and no real ambition and prospects for moving forward. We don't really engage in intellectual conversations and deep analytical dissections of popular texts, but I also don't have to complete with him for a sense of intellectual superiority, nor be put down for not grasping concepts the way he does. He makes excellent money at a local grocery chain, and has since begun going to college and pursuing a degree in criminology. He's starting the police academy in a few months, and I've honestly never been prouder of him because of the growth I've seen him exhibit. He may not be as intellectually inclined as I would prefer, but he's genuinely a good person who loves and support me. I think as far as educational and monetary differences go, you either have to find a middle ground or just decide what is more important to you.

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      • #4
        In regards to education, what should matter most is whether you feel this person intellectually challenges you.
        I've met non-educated guys who were a lot wiser than college graduates.
        There is probably some correlation between the success rate of relatinoships and having matching education levels, but I don't think it applies to every relationship and every situation.

        When it comes to financial status, again, it's all about having compatible values and views on life. Whether you date someone rich or poor, if their views on spending are vastly different than yours, it will be hard to find a middle ground.
        So i don't think there's a straight answer to your question. Look at it one case at a time.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          Milena My husband has more advanced degrees than I do and he hails from an affluent family whereas my background is from a broken home, domestic violence against my now divorced mother of 3 adult children and a hard life. I married up. My background is college and career. I would never marry beneath me or marry down. My reason is easy. I don't want a life filled with financial hardship and struggle. I've had enough of that during my childhood, teen years and young adulthood. I've since lived and breathed it already. Been there done that.

          The grass is indeed greener on the other side.

          I don't care how nice a guy is. If he can't provide a comfortable standard of living, forget it.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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