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Newly single and dating. 1st new relationship problems!!! Help!!

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  • Newly single and dating. 1st new relationship problems!!! Help!!

    I started talking with a woman about 6 weeks ago. We are both newly single. Both divorced about 7 months ago. She has 2 sons at home and I have 1 daughter at home and 1 son 1/2 the time. When we first started talking, we both had said that we weren't looking for anything long term but we weren't looking for a one night stand either. We talk every day. We have only spent time together a handful of times because both of us are busy and neither have really wanted our children to meet us yet. A couple days ago I told her that I am really intrigued by her and that I am looking forward to where our relationship leads us. Neither of us are talking with anyone else. Not dating around. She has told me how much she really likes me and enjoys what time we get to spend together. She wishes we could do it more often. Earlier today, I took some flowers to her work and put them on her car with a little note telling her I was thinking about her. Very simple. She texted me almost immediately and told me thank you and sent me a bunch of little kisses and told me how sweet she thinks I am. A few hours later, she texts me and tells me that she is going to be out of pocket for a couple of days. That she has a lot to think about and that she will call or text me and to please understand. Both her marriage and previous engagement were bad relationships. A lot of infidelity on the guys parts. Rough breakups on her and her kids. I'm afraid that she thinks we are moving too fast and will break things off. I told her that I understand and that she should take all the time she needs and that she deserves to be treated right and be happy and all I want is for the chance to be that guy. I'm afraid that the memories of being hurt by her ex's is going to ruin what we could have together. I think that she cares for me too much and is scared about it. So my question is this, Is it ok for me to send her the occasional "good morning" or "hope you have a great day" text? Or should I just completely stop and let her be? Thanks for your advice. I'm stuck.

  • #2
    jtrimble44 If you've only been dating for 6 weeks, it was too soon to surprise her with flowers on her car. She wasn't ready for that. You meant well but she thinks you're rushing into a relationship too fast for her liking. Take it slower. I think you should completely back off and let her be. She will let you know when she's ready for regular dialogue whether electronically or in person. If she resumes contact with you, go with the flow and follow her cue. If she doesn't engage in regular contact, then she isn't ready to plunge into a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship at this time.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


    • #3
      She asked for space. Sending her goodmorning texts is not giving her space. Don't contact her. Let her make the first move.
      She obviously hasn't fully processed the past and it's really important she do so before entering a new relationship. You do not want her past interfering with your future, so don't pressure her to follow your pace. It will only lead to heartbreak if she gets into a new relationship too soon, for both of you.

      Like Chanelle said, it's been 6 weeks and you're not even officially a couple. Flowers and other gifts are too soon. Stop treating her like she's your wife when you hardly know each other. Give this time to grow natually. Learn to crawl before you start running.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


      • #4
        I agree with the ladies ^

        She's asked for space, so give it to her. Don't message her - let her be the one to get back in touch now.
        Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.


        • #5
          Everybody's right. Give her the space she's asking for. Don't contact her, don't show up, and don't get near wherever she is. Let her breathe and live her life. On a side note, even with this current tension, your relationship seems promising.


          • #6
            Give it some time and space. You're anxious and that's understandable but it's coming off as a bit needy. Avoid the flowers and flowery language even if it's built in you and it's just the way you are. Actually it wasn't my husband that gave me flowers. I was the one who sent flowers to his work after 6 months of dating and he's more of a public figure in his industry but extremely private. No one knew about me at the time and I had no idea it would cause such a stir (thankfully a pleasant one and gift was happily received). Don't avoid being the real you for long and I really do believe life is meant to be lived. Don't mince yourself up or dumb yourself down or become less and lesser versions of yourself. It's okay to give someone time but do it reasonably and know when to move on if it's just not your cup of tea.