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Why so negative??

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  • Why so negative??

    So I recently got dumped by my girlfriend, because I was talking too much about my issues (my parents separation, unemployment, recovery issues, etc.) and it was making her feel like shit. She never told me this until we broke up, so I didn't realize that she had an issue with it. She then told me there was a possibility of us getting back together. We then had a break to give each other space. Then she told me she couldn't be with me now, but the future might bring us back together. She said we could be friends, but then blocked me. (we are both 17)

    Recently, I have been on several relationship forums because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it, and I wanted to see what others thought of the situation and what I should do. And I swear, half of the answers are negative, like "get over it", "it's over", "I would let this go", etc. I am grateful of what each and every person has to say about my situation, because in a way, it helps me figure out what to do. But why so negative?

    I don't believe in giving up, no matter what it is about. Especially in relationships. I'm not ready to give this up because I love her so much, and I feel for her like I never have for another girl. If people are saying that men need to be the alpha male, be strong, but then say give up, doesn't that defeat the purpose of being the alpha male? Because giving up shows weakness, that you aren't willing to persist with something until it works.

    Obviously, I know not to remain single until that time comes. But when it does, and I am single, take the opportunity, show her how strong I am, how I have changed for the better since last time.
    Last edited by fg19; July 7th, 2018, 07:43 AM.

  • #2
    At 17, you're not likely to meet your life partner. Sometimes females will say that 'maybe' you can get back together in the future because it helps to avoid a current scene. Unfortunately, it also gives the guy some hope that is futile.

    If she has blocked you and said she can't be with you, you need to follow the advice of people you consider negative. That is...move on. It doesn't matter that you 'love' her. She doesn't want the relationship. Why beat a dead horse?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      doesn't that defeat the purpose of being the alpha male? Because giving up shows weakness, that you aren't willing to persist with something until it works.
      Uh, no. When it comes to romance being the alpha male means you don't whine your way right out of a relationship, it means that if you want to be in a relationship then you're ready to be in one (you certainly are not if you're whining yourself right out of one) and it means you ACCEPT that someone doesn't want to be with you if they break up with you.

      She is done with you, son. She is just telling you "maybe in the future you will be together" because likely you've been whining yet again in order to try and get her back.

      Work on yourself, change the beta in you to at least be 50 % beta and 50% alpha and you've garnered the wisdom to know the difference.

      BTW: Advice that isn't what you want to hear is not necessarily negative. You'll understand that more when you realize that her letting you go HOPEFULLY will force you to change the negatives in your life like "unemployment and recovery issues." If you're having trouble coming to terms with your parents separation then perhaps a few sessions in therapy are what you need to help with your recovery from being negative in general.

      Good luck.
      Last edited by phasesofthemoon; July 7th, 2018, 02:16 PM.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4

        fg19 You're only 17 with all due respect. I thought I knew everything at your age, too. Since I've been on this Earth for 105 years, I think I know a thing or two in this thing called life.

        In this real world here, it is human nature that everyone desires to be with a winner. Not that you're a loser but at your tender young age, you have your whole life ahead of you and so much to accomplish; not necessarily now but later so please be patient especially in the relationship dept.

        The secret to attracting the woman of your dreams is not to seek nor search for them. The very first thing you need to do is stop focusing on them because right now there is no time, energy and brain space for them. Good times are gravy and saved for later. First and foremost is to get your life on track, on the fast track to be exact. This means despite your parents' separation (for which I'm sorry for - I'm a product of divorce myself), concentrate on yourself, get an education and career in that order. Keep in mind, in this harsh reality check world, in order to attract others to you, you need to become successful in your own right. Remember, birds of a feather flock together and you'll attract those who are doing the same as you are.

        Whether a person is a man or a woman, you need to be strong and quit the alpha male crap. I'm not being negative either. It's called reality. Alpha crap doesn't matter. Just have your own vision in life, become autonomous, financially independent and strong and after that, you'll be pushing through open doors!

        The other secret weapon is self-confidence and nothing is more attractive than self-confidence which is equated with personal security.

        When it comes to women, you will turn heads without your ever trying to attract them. They will automatically flock to you like bees to honey. Just you wait. Get your act together, concentrate and focus on hard work, keep your nose to the grindstone and your gravy years will come. Work hard and cruise on coast later!

        Even though those around me dated whether exclusively nor not, attended prom, winter formal and were always paired up, I did not date back in HS and even very young adulthood! I too felt so lonely and wondered who was out there for me? Honestly, I was too busy in survival mode at the time which was good.

        I felt sorry for myself, too. My alcoholic father was a wife beater, my poor mother had her teeth punched out courtesy of my violent father and my home life was in shambles. He left and didn't pay any child support. My mother worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to provide for 3 children. Then he died prematurely. After that, I worked night shift 40 hours a week, funded my own education by day, toiled for many years and switched to day shift shift full time jobs. I was promoted over the years and moved up the rank.

        The secret is to be tough, strong and have guts. Never allow life nor anyone defeat you. Never allow anyone nor life's circumstances to get in the way. Overcome all hardships and struggles. Persevere. Be brave and courageous. People are attracted to those who have guts.

        Then, the magic happened. Guys were noticing me and I wasn't even trying in the dating dept. I was too busy working all the time and succeeding. I was going places. I became upwardly mobile and rubbed elbows with the right people at cocktail parties. I had finally made it. I was living proof of the 'American Dream.' If I can come from a hellacious childhood home and become a self-made person, so can you. Mind you, it didn't come easy. I sacrificed a lot of blood, sweat and tears to do it. Turns out those who succeeded in life were doing the same as I was; busy bettering their own lot in life. We were the same. Remember, birds of a feather flock together!

        Eventually, I married a great guy and have 2 sons. You see? There is a happily ever after IF you're willing to get out of your pity pot, seriously and diligently work hard on yourself first and foremost. Everything else after that is either gravy or icing on the cake.

        If I can do it, so can you.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


        • #5
          So what are you doing about your "issues"? I don't think this is about your lousy ex or whatever she was. Chat about what's bothering you here. Are you making any progress with the employment? Why are you letting your parents' separation affect your personal relationships?


          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            So what are you doing about your "issues"? I don't think this is about your lousy ex or whatever she was. Chat about what's bothering you here. Are you making any progress with the employment? Why are you letting your parents' separation affect your personal relationships?
            I am not making any progress with employment. There aren't any jobs in my area for people my age. I will just have to keep on trying, and I'm sure something will pop up towards the end of the year, when people are looking to move to the city and go to uni. As for letting my parents separation affect my personal relationships, I became quite emotionally unstable at the start of living with separated parents. This was also the time I started going out with this girl. I wasn't intentionally letting it affect my relationships, she just saw two versions of me. One happy me when I was with her and around friends. And then a not so happy me, when I went home. The really annoying thing is that I am getting better, and if she had of given me a second chance around now, it would be better. I would be happier as things at home are becoming more stable, and I am becoming more positive.


            • #7
              Glad to hear. Keep thinking about yourself and less about your ex. Get a job. You'll also have less time worrying about things that don't affect you anymore.