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Tinder is very discouraging !

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  • Tinder is very discouraging !

    Hello .

    I have decided to get my feet wet and start looking for female companionship ( oh God ! That sounds so ... older adult ) The profiles the women have are so uninspiring ! ( Iím sure mine is also ) It is really impossible to get a feeling of someoneís personality based on their profile description.
    We all try to put our best pictures up and rattle off our best qualities, but I find most profiles to be so boring that my interest fades in seconds. Most of the time , I go by my first impression of their picture , some women are very beautiful , at least beautiful in the way our society decided what beautiful is , but Iím not attracted to that kind of beauty. Itís to polished for me.
    A lot of women has interest that I donít find interesting at all , like sports , or showing off how much they enjoy drinking or how they enjoy bars ! Ugh !! I know there is much more to these women then these activities , but itís impossible to get to know anyone without talking to them.
    I have always developed an interest in women by talking with them face to face, all of the women I have ever been involved with we have developed a friendship over time , usually at work , but I am at a lost as to where to even look. I am not a bar or nightclub person at all . The only public place I go to regularly is the gym , but we all have our ear buds on , so there is no interaction at all . Except a casual smile once in a while .
    I never actively looked for women to date , It has always happened by chance, and I am sure this is how I will meet my next girlfriend , but Iím curious , if anyone of you have any suggestions where I could actively look . I definitely donít want to stalk women in public places and be like , ď oh your so hot ! Give me your number ! ď
    I am no overly stressed about this , I still have a lot of things to get in place before I can focus on a relationship , but I would like to at least start meeting women on a causal basis ( not a FWB or one night stands ! ) .
    So what suggestions do you have ?
    It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

  • #2
    Are there any hobbies or clubs you could take up to try and meet people? Even if it's meeting guys who will later introduce you to female friends.

    If you start meeting women at such places, at least you know right off the bat that there's one interest you have in common.

    As for your comments about Tinder - yes, you're never going to get to know someone from the limited info available on their profile. But it's unrealistic to expect such. You need to go at this with the approach of 'am I attracted to them physically?', and if the answer is yes you can then swipe right and hope to get to know more about them if you match. You're not going to get all the info immediately.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Prof, on those free dating sites, you're going to get what you pay for.

      Why don't you invest a little money and sign up to eharmony or one that at least is more discriminating. Chances are you won't get women who think it's a great draw to put their drinking photos on their profiles.
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        Meetmarketadventures.com or meetup.com are two sites where you can join activities that other singles will be signed up for. Why not try one of the activities and get to know more then just women as there will be equal number of both men and women who are single. You will gt to know them in person first rather then through the site where often, a false sense of 'connection' is made.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          I think you get what you put in when you date online. If you're off your rocker and head in the clouds, you're going to be totally shit at screening other people.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            I think you get what you put in when you date online. If you're off your rocker and head in the clouds, you're going to be totally shit at screening other people.
            True dat!
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              I think you get what you put in when you date online. If you're off your rocker and head in the clouds, you're going to be totally shit at screening other people.
              Iím sure your right on this .
              My biggest opportunity is my photos .
              I have always hated photoís of myself, even professional ones. So I donít post many at all !
              I have a cousin who is a professional model and I try to get some tips from her , She gives me a few pointers , but they donít seem to help .

              Funny thing is , the photos that I have taken of my past girlfriends , especially the ones I love ! They hate with a passion and always want Me to delete them !! Lol !!
              It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

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              • #8
                What do you mean your biggest opportunity is your photos? People smell through that bs like bad fish at a market. If you're being a bit douche-y about your photos and evasive or not truthful (re. the settings, background or it doesn't reflect your real interests), you won't add up to other people. Not saying that you are though.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                  What do you mean your biggest opportunity is your photos? People smell through that bs like bad fish at a market. If you're being a bit douche-y about your photos and evasive or not truthful (re. the settings, background or it doesn't reflect your real interests), you won't add up to other people. Not saying that you are though.
                  I just meant that I donít like any pictures I have ever seen of myself, and when I smile for a picture it looks so bad !
                  Everyone else seems to think they are fine but I just donít like any of them .
                  It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

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                  • #10
                    Well, we're our own worst critics. I think if you can actually say you don't like any photos at all it may be indicative of someone under (serious) construction, in my opinion. You need to work on your inside before you're comfortable with your outside. For some of us (me included, like you) it's always an ongoing process. Not all of us fell out of the sky looking airbrushed. There is no shame in acknowledging that you don't like your photos but maybe dig a little deeper and ask yourself if it's because you've also got unresolved issues you're dealing with. Even confident people have moments of shyness or are unsure but you shouldn't be feeling so self-conscious that it inhibits or obliterates your true colours.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                      Well, we're our own worst critics. I think if you can actually say you don't like any photos at all it may be indicative of someone under (serious) construction, in my opinion. You need to work on your inside before you're comfortable with your outside. For some of us (me included, like you) it's always an ongoing process. Not all of us fell out of the sky looking airbrushed. There is no shame in acknowledging that you don't like your photos but maybe dig a little deeper and ask yourself if it's because you've also got unresolved issues you're dealing with. Even confident people have moments of shyness or are unsure but you shouldn't be feeling so self-conscious that it inhibits or obliterates your true colours.
                      I understand what your saying . I do have some unresolved inner issues ( and Iím working on them ) but I am reasonably confident in person , it just doesnít come through in pictures , but Iím not overly concerned , Iím more likely to meet that ď someone special ď the old fashion way , face to face .
                      It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I totally second the advice about investing a little money for a better dating website. I know a lot of people who use Tinder and end up being disappointed because they meet what they believe are potentially good partners who are interested in something short term as opposed to long term. If you use something like eHarmony, I think you get to customize more of what you're looking for so you can meet someone who is looking for the same kind of relationship that you are.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post

                          I understand what your saying . I do have some unresolved inner issues ( and Iím working on them ) but I am reasonably confident in person , it just doesnít come through in pictures , but Iím not overly concerned , Iím more likely to meet that ď someone special ď the old fashion way , face to face .
                          Then if you're not taking it seriously, you have your answer. You're going to continue meeting people online just like yourself: not serious or thinking it's all a joke. My advice is fuck around if you like meaning enjoy yourself but don't come off as if you are looking for anything serious if you don't believe in meeting anyone online. Your vibe will be really queer. I met a lot of dudes like that on first dates when I was dating online and it was waste of time.

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