Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Girl is a slob !

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Girl is a slob !

    Hello ,

    I started talking to this girl recently and she has invited me to her house a few times . The problem I am having is she is a complete slob . Her house is so messy and it stinks .
    I try understand the situation from her point of view , single mom , young daughter and she works a lot , but I sill canít get beyond this. She invites me back to her house often , but I make excuses for not being able to go over .
    Should I tell her the reason is because her house is filthy? I have made a few hints about it , but she just blames her 9 year old daughter and personally I feel her daughter just learned being messy from her !
    Iím not a clean freak , but Im more of a believer of keeping your house clean , I was brought up that way . My mom always had our house clean and I was responsible for keeping my room clean and helping my mom with the cleaning.
    This is a little tongue and cheek, but itís still frustrating to me !

    What is your view on this ?
    How would you handle it ?

  • #2
    Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post
    Hello ,

    I started talking to this girl recently and she has invited me to her house a few times . The problem I am having is she is a complete slob . Her house is so messy and it stinks .
    I try understand the situation from her point of view , single mom , young daughter and she works a lot , but I sill canít get beyond this. She invites me back to her house often , but I make excuses for not being able to go over .
    Should I tell her the reason is because her house is filthy? I have made a few hints about it , but she just blames her 9 year old daughter and personally I feel her daughter just learned being messy from her !
    Iím not a clean freak , but Im more of a believer of keeping your house clean , I was brought up that way . My mom always had our house clean and I was responsible for keeping my room clean and helping my mom with the cleaning.
    This is a little tongue and cheek, but itís still frustrating to me !

    What is your view on this ?
    How would you handle it ?
    A tidy house can be filthy and an untidy house can be clean.
    Or both. What is it?
    A person with OCD will perceive untidiness as dirty and imagine it stinks when in fact it doesn't.

    I assume you met this person in the last few weeks as it's only a couple of weeks since you were posting about another girl. ?
    Personally I'd be more concerned that she invited you into her daughters home without first getting to know you.
    And therefore the least of your worries are about how she keeps her home.
    Invite her to yours if it bothers you that much, doesn't sound like there is any longevity in this current fling anyway.
    So enjoy it at your perfectly clean and tidy house.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

      A tidy house can be filthy and an untidy house can be clean.
      Or both. What is it?
      A person with OCD will perceive untidiness as dirty and imagine it stinks when in fact it doesn't.

      I assume you met this person in the last few weeks as it's only a couple of weeks since you were posting about another girl. ?
      Personally I'd be more concerned that she invited you into her daughters home without first getting to know you.
      And therefore the least of your worries are about how she keeps her home.
      Invite her to yours if it bothers you that much, doesn't sound like there is any longevity in this current fling anyway.
      So enjoy it at your perfectly clean and tidy house.

      I understand what your saying and I have no problem with an untidy house, but dirty pans on the stove that have been there for days , the sink and counter top with dirty dishes , dirty laundry all over the floor of her bedroom and couch . Toys , papers and random things all over the kitchen table , to sit on the couch you have to move a bunch of shit just to sit down on it .

      Dirty tolet ( use your imagination, gross ! ) dirty towels in the bath room , always a dirty cat box , dust everywhere. Iím not talking about an untidy house , Iím talking filthy and it does smell !

      As as far as her daughter, I am never there when the daughter is there , I refuse to meet her daughter for the same reason that you find it concerning .

      No , there is no longevity to this relationship, but it keeps me occupied from thinking about my ex .

      I do find it a little judgmental of you to assume that I have OCD
      and that I claim to have a perfectly clean house ( which I never did say )

      but the issue is : should I tell her ?

      Like I said , itís a little tongue and cheek , but itís still frustrating just the same .




      Comment


      • #4
        You can tell her but she will be insulted & stop talking to you. Still that is not so bad. You are not compatible. Stop trying to pit a square peg in a round hole.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post


          I understand what your saying and I have no problem with an untidy house, but dirty pans on the stove that have been there for days , the sink and counter top with dirty dishes , dirty laundry all over the floor of her bedroom and couch . Toys , papers and random things all over the kitchen table , to sit on the couch you have to move a bunch of shit just to sit down on it .

          Dirty tolet ( use your imagination, gross ! ) dirty towels in the bath room , always a dirty cat box , dust everywhere. Iím not talking about an untidy house , Iím talking filthy and it does smell !

          As as far as her daughter, I am never there when the daughter is there , I refuse to meet her daughter for the same reason that you find it concerning .

          No , there is no longevity to this relationship, but it keeps me occupied from thinking about my ex .

          I do find it a little judgmental of you to assume that I have OCD
          and that I claim to have a perfectly clean house ( which I never did say )

          but the issue is : should I tell her ?

          Like I said , itís a little tongue and cheek , but itís still frustrating just the same .



          She can keep her home whatever way she wants. You don't have to like it and you don't have to go there.
          Take her out or to yours instead.
          You are only using her for distraction so why insult her?

          Comment


          • #6
            I wouldn't bother telling her, she doesn't care. If she did, she certainly would have cleaned it up before inviting you over. I'd just stop going over and cut contact. If she's asks you why then tell her that you've realized that you're not compatible and you're just moving on (or tell her that and then move on).

            If you carry on with her, you'll be fighting like cats and dots in no time when she continues to be a slob while you do all the work. Someone who leaves a house like that often times has mental issues as well.

            By the way you describe it, it sounds like the place should be reviewed by the health board (or children's services for that matter).
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post
              Hello ,

              I started talking to this girl recently and she has invited me to her house a few times . The problem I am having is she is a complete slob . Her house is so messy and it stinks .
              I try understand the situation from her point of view , single mom , young daughter and she works a lot , but I sill canít get beyond this. She invites me back to her house often , but I make excuses for not being able to go over .
              Should I tell her the reason is because her house is filthy? I have made a few hints about it , but she just blames her 9 year old daughter and personally I feel her daughter just learned being messy from her !
              Iím not a clean freak , but Im more of a believer of keeping your house clean , I was brought up that way . My mom always had our house clean and I was responsible for keeping my room clean and helping my mom with the cleaning.
              This is a little tongue and cheek, but itís still frustrating to me !

              What is your view on this ?
              How would you handle it ?
              Help her clean her house then. Be a positive influence. If the house is clean, usually people like to keep it clean & tidy but the first step to establish a clean home feels overwhelming. She's very busy so help her out. What about her personality and character? Is it clean? I've been in homes which were clean and tidy but the person or persons residing in the home were despicable. I'm sorry her house is a stinky, sloppy mess. If I had my druthers, I would prefer that over a stinky character any day. So help her and get her on the right track. Be kind and give her a hand!
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post
                I still can't get beyond this
                There's your answer ^



                Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                Help her clean her house then. Be a positive influence.....She's very busy so help her out.... So help her and get her on the right track.
                I wouldn't bother. OP has only started talking to her recently and met her a few times. He shouldn't be doing her chores for her already.

                Helping out with a few errands is one thing, but cleaning up week old dishes and cat shit....... issa no from me dawg.
                Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Help her clean her house? Uhm no. Just dump her piggy arse because cleaning her house for her is just enabling her to be the Miss piggy that she is. If she asks for more closure after you tell her that you're not compatible then tell her the truth.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I don't think this is a good idea.. .. the whole thing.

                    On the one hand you come across as a neat freak and the C word (Controlling) because it's someone else's house and not yours. On the other hand, not saying anything means smelly dates. My mind is wandering down to her personal hygiene but I don't need to know and you don't need to share that. This seems like it would cause a lot of problems in the long term. I'd weigh the pros and cons carefully and probably not see her again if I were you. Step back from the connection that you share and try to put things in perspective.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Professor Chaos View Post
                      Hello ,

                      I started talking to this girl recently and she has invited me to her house a few times . The problem I am having is she is a complete slob . Her house is so messy and it stinks .
                      I try understand the situation from her point of view , single mom , young daughter and she works a lot , but I sill canít get beyond this. She invites me back to her house often , but I make excuses for not being able to go over .
                      Should I tell her the reason is because her house is filthy? I have made a few hints about it , but she just blames her 9 year old daughter and personally I feel her daughter just learned being messy from her !
                      Iím not a clean freak , but Im more of a believer of keeping your house clean , I was brought up that way . My mom always had our house clean and I was responsible for keeping my room clean and helping my mom with the cleaning.
                      This is a little tongue and cheek, but itís still frustrating to me !

                      What is your view on this ?
                      How would you handle it ?
                      She's a single mom and works. She is swamped. How about lending a hand? A lot of times if you scrub her house down and give it a thorough cleaning, it'll be easier for her to maintain after that. Perhaps she feels overwhelmed right now. My mother was a single parent, worked 3 jobs 7 days a week when I was 9 years old and while I tried to do some cleaning, I couldn't clean my house as much as an adult and neither could my younger brother at the time. We would've loved to have someone help with housecleaning. Our house never stunk but we sure would've felt incredibly grateful if someone stepped up to help us during our time of need. There are only so many hours of a day when a household is tumultuous. Even though my grandmother watched us because my mother couldn't afford daycare, she wasn't much help either. We were lucky to have a hot meal once in a while and even then it wasn't everyday. Try a dose of compassion because you haven't walked a mile in her shoes.
                      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Op: What is this woman's situation? Does she work more then one job? Does she work all weekend long and doesn't have two hours to clean her home or is she just a natural born slob who doesn't care?

                        If she doesn't have the time to tidy up (at least) then how does she have time to invite you over and entertain you?

                        No matter what her time situation is, she doesn't know the meaning of prioritizing if she's giving up cleaning time to sit around and chat?

                        I'll add that I'm having a hard time understanding why the state of her home doesn't even embarrass her. I'd never invite anyone over to my house when it's not put in order. I think it speaks to her character and no, don't help her clean. You barely know her and you would be over-stepping your boundaries to do such a thing at this point.
                        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 15th, 2018, 08:36 PM.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          She works one job , two days off a week , I understand the compassion angle however I think living the way she does is more of a family culture situation.

                          Her older brother lives with her and he is a lazy slob, he doesnít work and is home all day long, he just sits on the couch watching TV all day and night .

                          Its just the way they are .

                          The situation is really not that dire , she is not a possible LTR at all , just a FWB . We spend most of time out , or at my place.
                          I feel uncomfortable being in her house anyway, knowing that itís her daughters house and I donít feel itís right for me to be there wheather her daughter is there or not .

                          My post is not necessarily a huge deal for me , we both are comfortable with our situation , the slob issue is frustrating to me , mainly because I donít understand how some people can live in such disarray.

                          Interestingly enough , but ex wife is also a slob, but no where on the same scope, however my ex wife works about 70 hours a week and her Dad is not in good health at all , and she still has not moved on from our separation , She is very depressed. We havenít sold our house yet , itís still part my responsibility so I do clean it from time to time ( I have more spare time then her ) only for it to become a mess again in a short time .

                          Wow ! I just had a slight epiphany!

                          My mom is very organized and tidy , but lacks being emotional supportive , I seem to be drawn to women who are emotionally supportive, but lack organization and tidiness !

                          Maybe this is more of an issue with me then an issue with them ?

                          Just to be clear, my mom is a very loving wonderful woman , we all can fix something about ourselves and the emotional support I crave is my responsibility not my motherís .

                          Im almost 50 for crying out loud !

                          This is is why I love this forum !!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The situation is really not that dire , she is not a possible LTR at all , just a FWB .
                            Ya, don't be cleaning your fuck buddies house. That's going to give her the idea that you want to be her butler annnnnnd human dildo. lolzz
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                              Ya, don't be cleaning your fuck buddies house. That's going to give her the idea that you want to be her butler annnnnnd human dildo. lolzz
                              OMG Phases !!!
                              I actually laughed out loud !!!
                              I think this is the funniest thing you have ever posted !!!

                              No , Iím not going to clean her house or be her butler !!!

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X