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Am I paranoid or is there more she is hiding?

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  • Am I paranoid or is there more she is hiding?

    Sorry this is so long but I wanted to explain the whole situation. I have been in a relationship with a Latina lady for a little over a year and I am a white male. Her English to me is pretty good we can communicate well but she is a little unsure of herself and her English. We decided to move in with each other at the beginning of December and things were going very well. At the beginning of February we had a small Superbowl party. She had invited her adult son which is 23 which I get along with great. He had also invited over some other friend which is normal they all come over all the time which I have no problem with. This night there was another friend that showed up that I had never seen before. This guy was a little older approximately 30 or 35 and my girlfriend is in her early 40's but she looks much younger. As the night goes on I notice that he continues to follow her into other rooms where it is him and her alone. And at one point she followed him outside. This made me very uneasy and she could feel the tension. So she calls this guy over to tell him about me. However when them two talked they talked in Spanish. The guy would occasionally tell me things that she was saying which was good things about me. While this made me feel better I still was not sure.

    I was also frustrated that if there are three people in a conversation and only one language we all three knew why they continued to speak in Spanish. At the end of the night when we was alone. I tried to explain that I felt it was disrespectful to continue to be in the other room with another man. I also tried to explain that it would have helped when including me into the conversation if they would have spoke in English. Her response was he was a long time friend and he was more like a son to her, he felt comfortable in their house and that is why he would go in the other room with her. She also explained that she was embarrassed to speak English in front of him in fear that he would make fun of her. Which I understand but at the same time the guys English was not perfect.

    The next morning the fight continued and she ask me to leave. I left and went and stayed at a motel down the road for the night. The next day we ended up talking and working things out. She reassured me that that guy was a friend of the families and she would tell him not to come back if I wanted. I said no but she needed to put herself in my shoes and think if she would like it if I did the same with a girl.

    A couple weeks go by and she tells me this guy is in jail because he is in the country illegally and it would not be a problem anymore. About another week goes by and I come home and there is a strange dog in the back yard. I text her and she is surprised and does not know where it came from. When she got home she tells me her daughter had brought it over and she thought it was the guys dog that was in jail. I ask her how she knew and she said she had seen pictures of the dog before. I ask her if her daughter ask to bring the dog by and she said yes. But in the text she acted surprised. A few more days go by and she says something about the guy having another dog that was bigger and that he had brought the dogs over one time. But a few days earlier she had stated she had only seen the dogs in a picture. She said her memory was not that good.

    A few more days goes by and she says her daughter had received a phone call from the man in jail and her daughter wanted her to go to the jail to visit him. I told her she could do whatever she wanted to but I was not sure why she would go see the man in jail. Then I started to get curious so I looked at the phone bill to see if this guy had contacted her from jail. I noticed that the night that I was gone she had tried calling her ex-boyfriend two times. It only showed up as 1 min so she may have only got his voice mail I'm not sure. So that night I ask her if her ex-boyfriend had tried to contact her and she said no. I then ask her if she had tried to contact him at all. I also ask that she be completely honest with me. Again her answer was no and then started questioning about being on my phone all the time. Which I am on the phone form 6:00 am until 10:00 pm for work and work only.

    She really seems like a good girl she does not go out or anything. We stay at home a lot and work together to make our home better. But the question is am I being paranoid? Was it right for me to check the phone bill? And are these small lies hiding something bigger?

  • #2
    Does she have a job?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      She does have a job, she does not make much. However she is very good with her money and has a nice home and cares for her things. I am sort of opposite. I make very good money over 6 figures. But do to a divorce a few years ago I am starting out with nothing. She does not appear to be after money at all. She encourages me to save move. She does not ask for anything or does she want to go out to expensive dinners.

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      • #4
        I wouldn't fret too much about her preferring to speak Spanish with her fellow Latinos whether male or female - - if there is trust in her relationship with you.

        Your girlfriend is a liar. Your relationship with her is doomed for failure. I'd bail if I were you. She's deceitful. Once trust is gone, there is nothing left in the relationship. As long as you're with her, you will always become suspicious. The real question here is can you cope with walking under a cloud of suspicion as long as you have a relationship with her? She lied to you several times already after you gave her a chance to tell the truth and come clean. A leopard cannot change its spots.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Am I correct in assuming that you moved into HER house?

          Look, it could be all perfectly innocent. He might be an old family friend and speaking in Spanish is more comfortable for her. However, if you tell her that you don't feel right about it, then she should not put herself in corners again with him or any other man. As for the dog scenario, it looks like she wasn't completely honest with you about her knowledge of the dog's arrival. Maybe she didn't want another scene, since you were unhappy about what had happened prior.

          If you're happy with her, it's worth it to give her another chance to prove that she's not a floozy. But if you see any other examples of her not being 100% honest, you might want to reconsider if this relationship is worth it.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            What about finding out that she had tried to contact her ex-boyfriend the night I was gone? Should I let he know that I looked at the cell bill? I hate to tell her I did that because I am really ashamed. That is not typical for me.

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            • #7
              Yes, I did move into her house. I also understand that Spanish is more comfortable for her. But If another man is supposedly brought over to me and she is telling him good things about me to make me feel more comfortable. I would think she would have spoke in English. But again I do agree it would be. I also understand not wanting another scene.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by wausman69 View Post
                What about finding out that she had tried to contact her ex-boyfriend the night I was gone? Should I let he know that I looked at the cell bill? I hate to tell her I did that because I am really ashamed. That is not typical for me.
                Ok, I thought she was trying to contact the man in jail.

                No, that is unacceptable on several levels. Yes, let her know that you looked at the bill and you're aware that she is looking you straight in the eyes and lying. Do you really want to be with this woman? You make a ton more money. Get your own place and be done with her.
                "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                • #9
                  I understand. It just seemed like she really was the one. She really made me happy.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by wausman69 View Post
                    I understand. It just seemed like she really was the one. She really made me happy.
                    Does she make you happy by her not telling you the truth? Is a dishonest, deceitful person, "thee one?"
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      I said seemed like the one. I agree this is unacceptable. But it's still disappointing. While these are small lies they are lies. And someone that lies about this will have no problem lying again about bigger things.

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                      • #12
                        The dog lie is a small lie. But contacting an ex and lying about it is a BIG lie. What was her motive in doing that? Is she just waiting for you to leave her so she can hook up with him again?

                        Also, are you paying her phone bill? Is that how you had access to her call history?
                        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                        • #13
                          Contacting the Ex is not a big lie but yes much bigger than the dog. I don't know what her motive was. She never admitted it and I still have not told her that I looked at the phone bill. Yes I am paying her phone bill. It saved us about $60 a month to add her to my plan. But we3 do split all the bills.

                          I am still waiting to confront her. It's not as simple as telling her. Because it looks like I will be moving.

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                          • #14
                            Hi there. Out of curiosity what kind of work do you do? I wanted to reply because I'm half hispanic and half white so I get both sides so to speak. If there is a guest who only knows english and everyone speaks spanish or broken engljsh we would speak english not Spanish because that would be really disrespectful. The most important thing I want to add is that a lot of women marry americans for papers (my own mother sort of did this im not rascist **disclaimer). Even if she's legal like on a temp visa, that guy could be waiting for her to marry, get permanent papers, then she could try to divorce and get citizenship or stay and sponsor him using her husband's proof of income. Just a warning. Hispanic women at least in my family would never be all over a guy or contact ex's when they have someone they really are serious about. I'm sorry
                            Last edited by Milena; February 27th, 2018, 05:31 PM.

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                            • #15
                              I am a Project Manager for Information Technology. She is in the middle of getting her citizenship. No I am not helping her in any way. But 'm also not saying there is no motive. While I thought there wasn't before. I do have my doubts now.

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